Found escorts on my soon to be husband phone

[brokenheartedpaula]

Hi, I’m new to this platform, but I really need to talk to someone, because I’m feeling totally heartbroken. So, I’m 5 months pregnant and together with my fiance for 4 years. We are getting married after 13 days!! I just found out he is looking up escort pages on his phone and has saved phone numbers and Telegram nicknames of some escort women. I didn’t find any text messages, just contacts. I googled some of the girls and saw that they are offering virtual sex like videos, photos and also sex services. He told me since we have less sex and is feeling stressed at work, he is starting to watch porn and wanted to look up escorts out of curiosity. Swore that he hasn’t texted any of them and hasn’t used their services, but I don’t believe him. Why would you save escort phone numbers just to view a profile picture? I don’t know what to do. I have always felt that we are like soulmates and gotten along. Now my dream about happy family has collapsed. I can’t break up with him, because I have no place to go and I won’t be able to take care of the baby without his financial help. We are even currently building a house which will be ready on August. Also the wedding has already been arranged and what will I tell mine and his family if we breakup?

That he’s a cheating scumbag who was risking yours and your baby’s health

RUN!

Consider this a lucky escape, do not marry this man.

I’m so sorry that this has happened.

I'm so sorry, OP. Cancel everything. Do not marry him. Your life will be better if you do not marry him.

I'd rather discover DH was having an affair than used prostitutes. It shows a deep rooted misogyny that he thinks he it's acceptable to coerce vunerable women into sex by giving them money. Dump him and make sure everyone knows he used prostitutes.

And remember, cancelling a wedding will be cheaper than a divorce.

This is absolutely awful for you OP and you don't deserve it. Sounds like he has a sex addiction and he's lying about the escorts - what you have found is probably only scratching the surface too.
I would tell his family exactly why its all off - and your family too so you have the support. Both families need to support you NOW. You are the priority here so making sure you have a safe home and are financially able to have your baby without having more stress put on you because of his disgusting behaviour is everyone's priority.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN

Although at the moment you think your financial future depends on him, it doesn't. Yes it won't be the easiest time in your life, but cut your losses and run! FAST! You should both be at the happiest times of your life, baby, wedding, dream house-thats clearly nor enough for him, so it will taint every single part of your life, forever. Be strong! You've got this xx

Girl time to run for the hills this man does NOT respect you …even if he hasn’t done anything YET the thought was there ..don’t marry him you and your baby deserve better good luck x

When the universe gives you a gigantic sign, accept it. You are not meant to marry this man.

Split, tell your family the truth and get tested. Do not accept that he hasn't had sex with anyone else as the truth. Especially now you're pregnant, both you and baby are vulnerable to STDs. Don't marry him. Men like this don't change.

'. Also the wedding has already been arranged and what will I tell mine and his family if we breakup?'

Tell them he's been contacting sex workers.

Don't marry him.

You tell people you cancelled things because you found evidence of unacceptable behaviour.

I get this is really a difficult situation especially as you are pregnant…have you talked to anyone you’re really close to …you need proper support this is a very emotional time talk …I know your new to MN but have you got a bestie or sibling or parent to talk to you really need support right now good luck I know it’s hard sending hugs x

Don't marry him, tell your friends and family that he's cheating on you with escorts- he's disgusting

What do you tell your family and friends? That he has escorts numbers on your phone when you're carrying his child and soon to be married! That's what!
Cancelling the wedding will be cheaper and less hassle than a divorce.

Please don't marry this man! I speak from bitter personal experience.

I was in a similar position to you, but I wasn't pregnant. I was too overwhelmed to fully process what he'd done. He said he was sorry, he was only looking, he wouldn't have met them etc. The wedding was looming, I didn't have much time to think because I needed to make a decision quickly, so I went ahead and married him. Worst mistake of my life. I could never trust him, and rightly so, so the marriage was doomed before it had started. His behaviour around escorts started up again after a year or two. I also caught him on dating sites and sexting various women. We've just got divorced and that was the first sensible decision I made (with regards to him) in years.

I agree with PPs that you need to ditch him, call off the wedding and tell both of your families why, so that they know why you've made such a massive U turn and can support you through this. Don't feel guilty for cancelling the wedding, as you are not responsible for this shit show, he is.

I can’t break up with him, because I have no place to go and I won’t be able to take care of the baby without his financial help. We are even currently building a house which will be ready on August. Also the wedding has already been arranged and what will I tell mine and his family if we breakup?

You will break up anyway, surely it's better that it's now?
There is no happy marriage with him after finding this out, and there's no happy family with him either so going ahead with it means unhappiness and breaking up anyway.

So sorry.

You have family and friends. Turn to them, it won't be an easy conversation but it must be done now. Someone will help you, and cancel the wedding tomorrow. Doesn't matter about all the money lost there, money is nothing only figures on a bank account, but your and your child's future are very important.

Once you have made the decision not to marry, then get legal advice regarding finances, your share of the half built house, maintenance going forward for the baby all that kind of stuff (as an unmarried partner). Others on the thread will have information about that as I don't right now.

It is daunting, terrifying, humiliating, but none of this was because of you, it is him. So you can rightly blame everything on him and lay it at his door. Do NOT go through with it just to keep up appearances and please others, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and I doubt you will enjoy what should be the happiest day of your life (the wedding) one bit anyway with all these doubts rolling around in your head. Time to step back.

You could always say that you are "postponing" for whatever reason, and then never do it. Just a throw away suggestion if telling people you are actually cancelling is a huge thing for you.

If he hasn't done it yet, the intention is there. STI's in pregnancy and birth can be dangerous, get yourself checked and leave him.

This is going to be an unpopular opinion but you need to work out financially what is your best option. You need to leave him regardless but are you better off to fake it and marry him first or not? As ask callous as that sounds this is about your child and providing for them

Is everything in his name or joint names? If everything is in his name you’re not entitled to anything if you’re not married.

I echo everyone else.
You do not need to marry this man.
He has escorts saved in his contacts. Of course hes used them! He is a cheating, disrespectful pig - at best. How are you going to feel walking down the aisle knowing that?

He told me since we have less sex and is feeling stressed at work, he is starting to watch porn and wanted to look up escorts out of curiosity.
So, hes saying its YOUR fault he is a cheating piece of shit then? Jesus.
The answer to less sex is NOT looking up porn FFS.
And none of them , not a single one, look up escorts 'out of curiosity'.

Swore that he hasn’t texted any of them and hasn’t used their services, but I don’t believe him.
Well of course hes going to say that. Because if he said he had contacted them or used them, he would out himself as even worse than he currently is looking.
And of course he has contacted them and used them.

Why would you save escort phone numbers just to view a profile picture?
You wouldn't. Every single man who has been caught out messaging or calling escorts, always, always, says they were not going to go through with it.
And the ones caught actually going through with it? Of course its the absolute first time ever. How unlucky, ey?

I don’t know what to do. I have always felt that we are like soulmates and gotten along. Now my dream about happy family has collapsed.
He is a liar, a cheat, thinks women are there to be purchased.
Someone once asked me about an ex, if you were told you are exactly like him, would that make you proud?

You were soulmates when he wasn't showing you what a disrespectful piece of crap he is. Now you know.
You do not have to marry him. you do not have to stay with him.

If I were you I would tell him how devastated you are. tell him you need to postpone (aka call off) the wedding while you get your head around it all.
If he blames you and says you are ridiculous then you know for a fact he will continue to do what hes doing because he gives not one iota of a crap about you, and how its affected you and you will be in for a lifetime of heartache and misery.
If he has a morsel of remorse he will completely understand, sort everything out to postpone and start moving mountains to right his wrong.

I agree with this.
Look carefully at your financial situation.
He’s likely to be worse after the baby’s born, so priority right now is to make sure you and the baby are protected.

Edited to add: but dump him, he’s a cock.

I’d bin him NOW - then make sure everybody knows why (plenty of details😉) then walk away with your head held high. I wouldn’t want to be in the same bloody postcode as him, in case I caught anything🤮

I'm not in the UK but she might need to stay married to him for years to benefit.
The trauma from that might completely negate any financial benefits, she might even end up worse off financially in the end because living in such a toxic environment can be bad for your mental health and physical health which would impact her earning potential.

So sorry OP. I wouldn't go ahead with the wedding in your shoes. Sorting out finances, home, custody, what to tell everyone etc must seem impossible right now but I guarantee that however hard it is, it's a million times preferable to marrying a man who's using/thinking about using escorts while you're pregnant.
Turn to friends and family for help if you can. People will want to help you.

Don’t marry this man. You and your child’s life will be awful.

Do you have supportive parents? Talk to them. Tell them what you’ve told everyone here.

Were you my daughter, I’d be helping you to pack his bags.