Found escorts on my soon to be husband phone

[brokenheartedpaula]

Hi, I’m new to this platform, but I really need to talk to someone, because I’m feeling totally heartbroken. So, I’m 5 months pregnant and together with my fiance for 4 years. We are getting married after 13 days!! I just found out he is looking up escort pages on his phone and has saved phone numbers and Telegram nicknames of some escort women. I didn’t find any text messages, just contacts. I googled some of the girls and saw that they are offering virtual sex like videos, photos and also sex services. He told me since we have less sex and is feeling stressed at work, he is starting to watch porn and wanted to look up escorts out of curiosity. Swore that he hasn’t texted any of them and hasn’t used their services, but I don’t believe him. Why would you save escort phone numbers just to view a profile picture? I don’t know what to do. I have always felt that we are like soulmates and gotten along. Now my dream about happy family has collapsed. I can’t break up with him, because I have no place to go and I won’t be able to take care of the baby without his financial help. We are even currently building a house which will be ready on August. Also the wedding has already been arranged and what will I tell mine and his family if we breakup?

It's not true love to behave in such a way.

OP- the reason people are saying not to put him on the birth certificate is because if your baby is born in the UK and you are unmarried at the time and he is named as father on the birth certificate then he has parental responsibility.

This has many implications but one of these is that you will not be permitted to travel outside the country with your own child unless you have his permission, or a court order saying you can. If you are from abroad this potentially has very serious implications for you, particularly if he decides to be a vengeful arsehole and wishes to just cause you trouble by withholding permission for example.

If you are married when the child is born his name goes on the birth cert automatically as father. The guidance is here and is definitely something you need to consider as you are working out if you will get married or not.

I am so sorry.

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Tell family and friends the truth, what you found on the phone , and that you cannot marry someone you mistrust

What country are you based in? Do you have family nearby that you could live with?

Is this your idea of true love?

If you believed in true love then you'd be telling the OP to leave and to wait for the one who deserves her, not trying to play this down.

If he is like this now, how will he behave after the baby is born? What if you have an injury? Is having sex less than once a week not enough for him? What about when you are exhausted with a newborn?

He’s a dick, don’t marry him.

'He told me since we have less sex and is feeling stressed at work'

He's one of those tears where it's always someone else's fault foe their bad behaviour!

Don't marry him. He was planning to and most likely will still - pay for the sexual services of a sex worker.

He will now also have the angry resentment that you found him out and that will fester inside him as he will want to pay you back by actually cheating on you.

Even though you're crying now and it really hurts, at least you know that you won't be wasting your tears on him again in a couple of years, don't marry him

Is there any update to this threat? Did you go through with the wedding?

This: you must protect your health and that of the baby. Get tested.

You would be well advised to get out if the relationship before the marriage but soon after if you can’t figure it out in thirteen days. People put off big weddings all the time. You aren’t Princess Diana. You can just get dick and no show.

The fact that you think he would punish you by withdrawing financial support from his own child over this just shows that deep down you know he doesn’t love and cherish you or the baby. He is just going through the motions and ticking boxes: gf, marriage, baby, house but he will always be unfaithful to you if he is starting out this way.

"If he was going to cheat he wouldn’t waste his time and get married."

I don't think this makes any difference. You see it in MN threads all the time. People who cheat often compartmentalize; many of them want to be married. They want the home, the spouse, the kids. They want a respectable facade. Unfortunately they also think they deserve something extra on the side.

@brokenheartedpaula I shouldn't tell you what to do, but I agree with other posters who say don't marry him, don't put him on the bc, and tell people why you're dumping him. You're not at fault here. He's being selfish and uncaring to you and your baby-to-be. Please don't spend your life with someone who doesn't respect you. Most definitely don't stay with someone following the script and blaming you for his cheating.

Can you access Women's Aid where you are?

You tell your family that he is a cheat who pays women for sex.
Then you get yourself tested for STDs.
Then you rally your friends and family for support until you’re strong enough to realise you can raise this baby and you had a lucky escape from marrying a man who has such low opinions of women.

You are already having sex issues, after marriage and kids it won't get any better, he is not faithful to you, your trust is broken and you will not feel the same about him anymore....save your sanity and end this relationship or else he will keep breaking your heart.

Zombie thread 🙄

Cut it out

Are you saying people don't do this if they are married? Why do you think there is a word for cheating then?

We are getting married after 13 days!!

See it as a lucky escape.

You can do this, Solo parenting is hard but much better than a life with him!!

Gather your tribe around you. He is NOT part of it.

Much better to find out now than after the wedding. So sorry op, you and the baby deserve so much better.

THIS THREAD IS A YEAR OLD!!!