Found escorts on my soon to be husband phone

[brokenheartedpaula]

Hi, I’m new to this platform, but I really need to talk to someone, because I’m feeling totally heartbroken. So, I’m 5 months pregnant and together with my fiance for 4 years. We are getting married after 13 days!! I just found out he is looking up escort pages on his phone and has saved phone numbers and Telegram nicknames of some escort women. I didn’t find any text messages, just contacts. I googled some of the girls and saw that they are offering virtual sex like videos, photos and also sex services. He told me since we have less sex and is feeling stressed at work, he is starting to watch porn and wanted to look up escorts out of curiosity. Swore that he hasn’t texted any of them and hasn’t used their services, but I don’t believe him. Why would you save escort phone numbers just to view a profile picture? I don’t know what to do. I have always felt that we are like soulmates and gotten along. Now my dream about happy family has collapsed. I can’t break up with him, because I have no place to go and I won’t be able to take care of the baby without his financial help. We are even currently building a house which will be ready on August. Also the wedding has already been arranged and what will I tell mine and his family if we breakup?

Don’t marry him, it won’t get better, it will get worse!

BIN HIM

When you say 'the wedding is off, because I found him looking for prostitutes' you will have family and friends who will WANT to help you. You can absolutely do this. If you stay with him, you WILL catch him doing it again. You can do this. Leave him.

Are you in the UK? Is your family?

Is he British?

I ask because your post sounds like English may not be your native language.

you must not marry him. I know it’s embarrassing to cancel and tell people but you will get through this. Don’t prolong your suffering by going ahead with the marriage. As regards the baby, he will pay child support, there are lots of charities which help young families and single mothers and, if possible, move in with your parents or a family member. This is a hard time which will pass and get better. Do not go ahead with the marriage

Don't marry him, don't put him on the birth certificate, make sure you hold all the cards from now on. Claim cms and start a fresh on your own

They always say they didn't follow it up, from what I've read.

I echo exactly what everyone else has been saying. Also wanted to add, if you want 'proof' that he has been actively seeing or trying to arrange to see these women, if you download the app 'Client eye' you will be able to run your husband's number through there and it will pop up if he has ever had any negative feedback from escorts. Unfortunately won't show up if he's been a 'good client' but if he's ever messed them around, been rude, no shows, time wasting etc - it will be on there. There's also a forum 'punters' use called UKpunting - so perhaps check his email (if possible) to see if he has an account on there.

Escorts don't come cheap, so if he's been using them, I'm sure you'd have noticed the increase in spending money? Unless of course all finances are separate, in which case, I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask to see his statements, given how serious this could potentially be for your unborn child (risk of STI's etc)

Having said that please bare in mind that the vast majority of sex workers are far more safe than your average easy lay in a bar/tinder hook up/ CO worker affair etc - so him cheating in general is the STI risk, not the fact it is with escorts.

Please look after yourself OP. Get an STI test, get yourself away from him until you can sort out what to do with the house/finances and any other joint issues you need to sort. Reach out to a close family member or friend if possible, don't let him trick you into thinking his behaviour is in any way your fault or that it is ok.

I read on here before - is this the time to sit him down and tell him that “you know everything” - and then stay silent . You are bluffing him).

That he has one chance, and one chance only to admit the full truth to you right now before you decide the way forward. (you are already leaving him - but he will hopefully admit his guilt in full (then you can tell respective families)?

Oh my God don't marry him. Listen to @gano

Your child isn't even born yet, and he's already looking up prostitutes.

A good man wouldn't even think of doing that, especially to his wife-to-be who is also pregnant. If he'd doing this now, what do you think he'll do when you are recovering from birth injuries, that may take you months or a year or more to fully recover from, on top of stress & lack of sleep? Go to your GP and get yourself checked - please. Sorry that you're having to go through this.

Also, don't change your child's last surname to his. He's massively given that up.

You were checking his phone, so you clearly don’t trust him and with good reason. For me this saving numbers/messaging other women is cheating and it would give me the ick. People who are stressed do not contact escorts! This is a poor excuse! The wedding is the least of your worries! Wake up and put your finances in order then Chuck him out

Thank you all for support! I am bawling my eyes out all day. Deeply in my heart I know you all are right but I want to believe him so badly..
I am not British, I’m from Europe so English isn’t my native language. I live in country where men need to pay child support only 107€ and that’s all.
I want real proof (messages) so he can’t burst through with excuses. I bought new phone number and made Telegram account on my old phone. Put sexy profile picture and will text him something to see if he answers. Because all he is saying is how sorry he is and how he hasn’t texted anyone and blahblahblah. But I found that he even blocked one escort girl, probably because they both texted or even met!
Sorry for my English, I’m so stressed that I have no energy to check mistakes on google translate.

Your English is great, do not apologise. The reason I asked about your nationality and location is that people may offer legal or practical advice that may not be relevant to you.

Please confide in a family member as soon as you can.

Op do not marry this man. If he hasn't cheated yet, he will. And, if he's contacting sex workers, or using virtual sex workers, paying anything - that I cheating in my mind. It's beyond using porn. He is also showing a clear intent to cheat on you with paid for sex.

If he's doing this now because you're pregnant and having less sex, what will he be like when you're postpartum and unable to? You will be advised not to have sex for 6 wks or longer depending on the type of delivery you have or if you have trauma. What about when you're feeling self-conscious as you recover? What if you're too tired ?

You could easily end up in a situation where he will end up walking all over you if you let this progress to marriage. Because he's gotten away with it once before. He will continue to damage your mental health, your self-esteem, and self-worth. You will end up a shadow of yourself filled with hate and resentment.

It's easier to leave now, then when baby is here and you're married. Yes, it will be hard, but you'll be free from all of the emotional crap that staying with him will cause you. Can you live being paranoid every day he's using sex workers? Watching out for 'the signs' that he is?

He will have to pay maintenance, and you may qualify for universal credit.

As for what you tell family and friends....you tell them the truth. As you've written here. They will most likely understand, sympathise, and respect your choice to not marry him. If they don't, fuck them.

YOU AND YOUR BABY ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT PIECE OF SHIT.

I agree. Tell his family the truth, he obviously doesn’t give a shit about his pregnant fiancée’s feelings, so pay no heed to his.

This is spot on.

I'll be controversial and say that if you're not having sex during pregnancy, I can see that using porn is a way of relieving himself, especially if you are either having a difficult pregnancy or have a total lack of desire at the moment (nothing wrong in that)- I'm not saying it's for everyone but I can see how it could be a way of coping with his unmet needs (and these can be very important to both men and women) BUT looking up specific escorts and saving their phone numbers/profiles goes way beyond this. It's the start of a downward path leading to unhappiness. I'd certainly be 'postponing' the wedding at the very least, until you've got to the bottom of this. Yes to STD checks, especially because you're pregnant.

Ok so it’s a huge misunderstanding- it won’t matter then if you’ve cancelled the wedding you can simply re book. If it’s not a huge mistake then by cancelling the wedding and by not putting baby dad on birth certificate you have saved your future.
Cancelling the wedding is a win win For you which ever way you look at it. Ok so you’ll have wasted some money but not enmeshed your whole lives which is expensive to undo. You can always add baby dad to birth certificate but you can’t take it off once he’s on it - all of this is his shame so dont you dare hide it because he’s been found out and is crying - dump his cheating sleaze arse

He might not be lying.

sometimes you need to go with your gut.
is he normally a kind person? Can he prove that he is telling the truth?

If he was going to cheat he wouldn’t waste his time and get married.

Many women and men do something this - but it’s only temporary.

This’.

the you are already leaving him part is extreme - he may not be lying

Actually the more so think about it- a couple have a conversation in which she catches him with escort details on his phone. Their wedding is in 2 weeks.

Even if his explanation/justification were true, his behaviour is still not what you’d expect of an in-love, emotionally faithful man about to marry and have his first child. If he was a decent man he’d still understand why she needs time to process this and regain trust in him. He should have already been saying “we can’t go ahead with the wedding, can we?”.

The fact that he thinks he can just come up with some brush-off (one which basically blames her) and all will be fine and the wedding will go ahead is a huge red flag.

You can close the forum. If you do what you said your doing the right thing.

dont let losers on the internet contribute to one of the most important decision your life, your future childs life, this other man’s life.

using Prostitution is disgusting.

However I don’t believe they are being coerced. It’s their choice and there is a lot of regulation for their safety.

Do nit marry this guy! This will get worse. If he can't cope now then throwing a couple of kids and both working into the mix will end in disaster. Don't settle for this. Go and get on the council list and stay with someone urgently. You'll never trust him again after this, I doubt anyone believes him!