Hi all I’m wondering if anyone has had a similiar experience to me, it’s a long story but I will make it as short as possible.
I met a guy whilst travelling over two years ago, both from the same city. Nothing happened at the time, just friends and there was a big group of us. For context, I’m F 30 and he is M 31. Nice guy, attractive, bit immature in terms of still living at home with his parents and no proper career, but I just felt a connection (not a romantic one at this point).
We kept in touch via text and I started to develop feelings for him, and of course I thought he was hot. We planned to meet up when he was home. I heard through mutual friends a couple of months later that he was home, so I text him. He responded telling me he no longer wanted to meet up, no reason given. I was hurt.
Just over a year ago, one of his friends invited me to a house party and told me my LO would be there. I turned up, it was sparks immediately and he came onto me. I slept with him and we were in touch all that week. Then suddenly, he text me saying he didn’t want to see me again. No reason given. I blocked him.
A month later I physically bumped into him in a bar where he apologised, introduced me to his friends and convinced us to stay with them. I ended up staying at his again and he promised me it would be different. The texts soon fizzled.
In August last year, we got back in touch. We met up sober for the first time and the chemistry was insane, as predicted. We would talk for hours and have so much in common. This kind of sexual chemistry is something I haven’t ever had with anyone before him. For the first time in years, I had actual butterflies. He told me he was embarrassed about the way he had treated me before, and that he would never do that to me again. He took me on actual dates, took me out with his friends and we spoke daily. Things were progressing, so I thought.
One night we were both out in the same area so decided to meet up and he had viagra on him, so I questioned it. He said he knew he was meeting up with me, so brought it out. I didn’t believe him. We had the exclusivity chat there and then where I made it quite clear I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else and would absolutely expect the same from him. He said he was glad we had had the chat and he wouldn’t be seeing anyone else.
10 minutes later, in the middle of a packed nightclub, he had a panic attack. During this panic attack he told me he can’t commit to only sleeping with me as what if he “wants to fuck someone else”. He then told me he was planning on going travelling again. I was absolutely shell shocked and ran away. His friends found me and said they didn’t understand him, all he did was say good things about me and they think he could be bipolar or something.
We didn’t speak for days. I eventually caved and asked him if he meant what he said and he said he did. He got in touch a couple of months later inviting me round to his friends party because he knew I was out and already drunk, so I probably would. I turned up and again he apologised and said he had had a panic attack due to drugs and felt suffocated with the exclusive chat etc. However, he was still going travelling. He stayed at mine for a few days then cooled off again.
New years eve we met up and spent the night together again, and very casually said goodbye the next day as he was leaving in Jan, for an unspecified amount of time. I told him to have the best time and he knew how I felt about him.
I do believe there’s some sort of MH issue, and definitely think he’s an Avoidant.
I haven’t heard from him since. With any exes, the yearning for them definitely decreased as the days went by, but with this one it just seems to get stronger. I convince myself sometimes that this must mean because we are soulmates or something, but I’m aware I sound deluded. I have deleted his number and removed his friends from social media so I can’t see anything that may upset me on his travels.
Each guy I date in the meantime, I just seem to compare to him and it’s torturing me. I dream about him almost every night and fantasise about him coming back and professing his undying love for me. I’ve read up on Limerence a lot and relevant books - nothings helped.
I’d really appreciate your opinion and any advice :-( xx