I wish DH and I had separate bedrooms, we just aren’t compatible at sharing a bedroom.

[headache]

So I’ve had a stressful few days so tonight I had a shower, got into bed all cosy, started watching a film, the dog joined me (she’s very old and she got all comfortable) and one of the cats came up for a cuddle too. It was lovely. Then at 10pm when my film had 20 mins to go DH came up as that’s his bedtime and I had to turn it off, dog and cat had to go downstairs and that was it night over. I did feel a bit resentful but I understand he’s working tomorrow (I’m not) although he chooses to get up really early and starts work at 7 when he doesn’t have to.

When he comes to bed he falls asleep in 1 minute, doesn’t want to talk to the point he’s sometimes quite rude. I’m the opposite I would like to have a little chat about the day even for 5 minutes. I suppose I’m jealous as I have insomnia caused by chronic pain and it takes me ages to fall asleep.

We are just so incompatible, as well as him being a lark and me being an insomniac owl. I like the bed all warm and cosy whilst he overheats, he would have the window open and probably a teeny blanket on even in Winter. He also gets up 3/4 times in the night for the toilet (caused by drinking loads during the day) then he complains my snoring and breathing mean he can’t get back to sleep.

We don’t have any spare rooms, I have tried sleeping downstairs before but it’s not very comfy and the cats wake me up. I’m hoping to steal one of the DCs bedrooms when they go to uni/move out.

Anyone else just hate sharing a bedroom with their partner?

My dh drives me mad when I’ve gone to bed first to get to sleep, and he comes in banging cupboard doors etc looking for stuff, puts the light on sometimes, crashes into bed! When he’s in bed first, i make sure I get from my pyjamas out of the drawers before he sleeps, and I creep into bed, quiet as a mouse

'But because we're not always in the same bed at the same time, we make extra efforts to ensure our sex life is frequent, varied and enjoyable. I can't imagine anything sadder than only having sex because we happen to be in bed at the same time at night.'

Yes and that is great but many people in separate bedrooms are also in sexless relationships. We see lots of threads on here where people just aren't bothered anymore which is fine if both agree <as opposed to being resigned to it > but tbh I find that far sadder as you put it.

Try not to be sad @Janiie

i know many more couples that sleep in the same bed that aren’t having sex or any intimacy at all. Sleeping in the same bed doesn’t equate to a happy, loving relationship. Most couples sleep together yet half of couples split up eventually so it’s obvious that sleeping apart is not the reason most couples break up/lose intimacy.

So I’m the OP and I’ll give you an update, one of our DCs has very kindly moved away to uni therefore leaving a spare bed/room which has been lovely. A fair number of nights DH decamps to there.

@Janiie you would have to ask him about his self-care habits but our sex-life is fine thank you, it was never to do with sex but sleep. The two are entirely different.

It’s strange how some people get so hot and bothered about the sex lives of others, whom they don’t know.

We just got a SuperKing duvet which has changed our lives. No fighting over the duvet. I get to cocoon, he gets to have his feet covered. We're both sleeping a lot better, we think because the duvet is heavier.

I also spoke to my DH about creeping around so I don't disturb him when I come to bed (he goes much earlier). He told me not to be silly and just do what I need to do. So I've done just that and it's been fine. He hasn't woken up or been disturbed.

Me and DP talked about moving in together but as long term divorcees used to our own space decided not to. Our different sleep patterns was the clincher. He's a lark and I'm an owl. We knew it would irritate us both. Instead, we live apart and look forward to seeing each other rather than getting pissed off that we have different habits. It works for us. And yes, we do have great sex despite not sharing a bed regularly.

My mum and dad were very much in love, but as soon as I moved out they had separate bedrooms.

1. Dad did snore quite loudly.

2. He had what would now be termed PTSD and sometimes threshed around as he re-lived his time in WW2.

DH was really ill a while ago and we went through a "Sleep divorce" (that's what it's called apparently). He slept downstairs very happily and in starfished in bed with the dog. We realised it was the best either of us had slept in years. We're planning on buying a bigger house to make this a permanent arrangement (not soon but in the next 5 years).

It means nothing about our relationship. It means we're both better rested when given the opportunity to sleep alone (we'd be unconscious anyway, why so we need to be together...?)