Were you happier after leaving?

[adenadele]

Just that, really. I’m on the cusp of leaving my husband for good after 5 years of ups and downs. I would be leaving a nice house I made a home in an amazing city where you need money to have a good life (so I will have to move away back to near my family), the kind of financial stability I will never have again realistically, a 2 parent household for dd and stupid stuff that makes life nicer like luxuries - lovely holidays, beauty treatments, nicer clothes. I am well aware this isn’t the stuff that life is about and I know H and I will never be happy together again. I’ve been proved right on this time and time again, done a year of counselling with him and individually, ‘Tried’. The stuff we clash over won’t change. We haven’t had sex in over 6 months and no desire to either side. Tons of resentment.

I would like to know - were you happier? Was the grass greener on the other side, even with less money and security? I’m almost 36, could go either way with having more dc but id like to think one day I could meet someone else. I have a good job, decently attractive. I would like to know honest experiences of leaving and starting over after a broken marriage. I’m scared.

I'm 39 and left last year and I am happier! I'm not looking for a long term relationship but I am happy every day. I don't feel lonely anymore which I did in my marriage sat next to someone.

Yes.

It’s hard, at first; and at particular times. And I’m poorer. But everything I have is mine. And when I see him (coparenting) and he pulls the bullshit I left him for, it’s crazy to imagine living with it.

I’m 50, 18m separated, and just in the process of divorce. It was emotionally very tough for a while (we split due to his infidelity), but I love my life now. Just me and the dog.

One thing that I have read is that whilst happy in some ways it can be really painful to have to share custody of a child you wanted and hoped to parent full time. Also the temperament of the other person is a big part of my current thinking to stay until my children are old enough to contact me directly if they need me. But otherwise these threads are usually full of good news stories about courageous women who have gone it alone, hats off to them.

I left 2.5 years ago. I am so much happier now! It took a while as I was mentally broken exh was an alcoholic! I rented a little house for me and DD. I’ve met a wonderful man and I have just brought a house life is great.

Loving these stories. I too am in the process of separating- 2 kids, 9 & 14. I am scared, but excited. Ironically, now push has come to shove, my stbx is like a changed man- less grumpy, communicating pleasantly, not passing out drunk 3 times a week..but it's too late for me and I'm pissed off that it's taken me ending it to get him to behave in a way that should be the norm anyway..🤷‍♀️

God, yes!!
As somebody else said, poorer, but so much happier. Life is too short, do it if you know that's what you want and there's no way back. Honestly, it's so nice once you're out and feels amazing. Never regretted it once

Yes, not everyday is a Disney movie but I wouldn’t go back. Good luck.

And I left with absolutely nothing (husband refused and still refuses to sell house) and built everything up again from charity/second hand shops. My children are so much happier too. Definitely worth it

Yes , yes and yes.

Honestly?
No.
divorced 10 years, late 50s and scraping by on minimum wage job topped up by benefits.
2 kids who have missed out on opportunities. Will be private renting until the day I die.
although I know it’s my own fault - went into the marriage with my own property and a good job but gave it all up to be a SAHM so ex could build his dream career… sure I was miserable in my marriage but financially stable, now I’m just miserable and poor.
and not one man has even looked twice at me since - and tbh I don’t blame them.
sorry for the negative post but you did ask!

I'm so much happier. It was something I had thought about on and off but it was really during lockdown when my exs behaviour became so much more unbearable and I finally did it.
Yes, it was a big adjustment but very much worth it. I was 49 at the time.
I haven't looked back

Another vote for yes - so much happier

Mine is very recent and I wouldn't say overall I am happier yet. There are still huge ups and downs -- but most people who leave say the first bit is tough, we are also still kind of sharing a home which makes things harder.

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Can I ask those who are happier when they started being happier? Straight away or did it take a while?

I want to hear both sides honestly so im ok with hearing that the grass isn’t greener too. I want to go into this with eyes open because I’ve been putting it off since 2020, burying my head in the sand…. But I’m shit scared of change and I grew up poor and never want to go back there. I tell myself that dd deserves better and I wouldn’t want her to be in this kind of relationship in future. And I know that’s true. But I also know H would probably never leave me and so this doesn’t ‘have’ to happen if that makes any sense.

Yes happier. Definitely.

I just felt utter relief walking into my rented house the morning I announced I was leaving… and then drove off.

Happiness took a bit longer.

I am also so interested in these responses. I'm early 50s and wish I'd done something 10 years ago!

Yes.

Happier in literally every way.

Though I am also now better off financially without him pissing money up the wall.

Yes!!!! And I really don’t expect to. I didn’t think I could bear to leave my garden that I had worked so hard to make beautiful, and
a five bedroom house that I had made as home.
Moved to a tiny 2bed ramshackle cottage with postage stamp garden but face never been happier. It is a joy to come home to because no resentful contemptuous man waiting there up bring me down.

God yea. Never ever did I think I would do it after over 20 years. But I literally breathe a sigh of relief every day.
Took me about 8 months to feel over the guilt, but now, nearly 5 years later, I don't feel a thing.

@adenadele I think it’s the financial aspect that gets to me most, like you I grew up very poor and I’m so upset that despite my best efforts I’m back there again and feel so ashamed that I’ve dragged my kids into it.
i know people who’ve walked out with enough of a settlement to buy themselves a house or still young enough to ‘start again’ but in my case that isn’t possible (health problems plus age)

Yes.

Eons better.

Life is sweet now. Sweet as F.

Definitely happier. Kids are much happier too.

I think it took 2/3 months for me to get over the initial shock of being totally single. . The relief of not having a stressful arsehole around was instant though.