How men and women seem to differ so much after a divorce

[bloomingorchids]

I myself have been divorced for about 7 years and the pain was horrendous. I had counselling, worked on myself, 'lightly dated' and spent several years working through the loss of my marriage.
I've noticed lately that several friends my age (50s) have also got divorced. One finding religion, another focusing on her health and fitness and another getting a horse!
All the husbands on the other hand, leapt straight into another relationship, seemingly discarding the old lives, kids and family home without a backwards glance.
It made me wonder if men suffer more down the line when the novelty of the new relationship has worn off, and they possibly they start to mulch things over in their heads?

Nope, wouldn't think so.

Think women find a relationship takes something from them, whereas for me it adds to their lives.

My experience is quite the opposite - it’s the women in my social group who jump into a new relationship and slather pictures of themselves and new man all over Instagram.

I don’t think it’s a particularly gendered issue - different people handle grief / loss in different ways.

This. Marriage shortens womens lives and lengthens mens lives on average.

Also men cheat more then women on average so more likely to leave for someone else in upsetting circumstances leaving a betrayed/surprised spouse.

Not my experience loads of women I know jumped straight into new relationships

It matches exactly with my experience. All of my single 50+ female friends have been single several years after divorce, are comfortable and happy with our single lives. We’ve made good social lives with friends and none of us is interested in living with another man again.

Whereas the ex husbands as well as our other divorced male friends were either remarried within a few years or jump from one relationship to the next with barely a gap between.

@bloomingorchids, My experience is it is mixed, but more men taking longer to get back into realtionships. That might well because there are fewer takers.

@bloomingorchids @SamW98 agree with you both. In my experience in the 50s age group men bounce into new relationships very quickly and women seem to follow Blooming orchids experience.

I think most men's attitude (considering my divorced mates) is "that's all over and done - time to move on".

I only know one who suffered the anguish that many women seem to suffer.

This is more of a MN / internet phenomenal.

I swear online claim that women love being single, after divorce no woman wants another man to weight her down and all men are desperados to find another woman.

I don’t know any woman who has been single even for a year.
All the women I’ve known (well, straight and bi women) want to find a man.
Most men want that too, but there are some men who are happy (or seems at least) to be single and do their own thing.

This is exactly my experience as well.

This is the same as my experience. Once a divorce is coming, men will want to just get it done whereas women (in my experience) are more keen to see justice.
Just my experience. Not a large sample.

My personal experience-My marriage ended March 2022 and I moved out of the marital home Jan 2023. By October my STBXH had started a relationship, in December 2023 she moved in with him.

Hell will have to freeze over before I go near another man.

A close friend moved out of her marital home Dec 22, in October 2023 she started a relationship and in December she moved into his home.

I’m over a year into the end of a relationship and I couldn’t think of anything I want less than a man. I think it depends on the circumstances. I experienced lies, betrayal and trauma. I also have young children. Perhaps if you are older without young dependents it’s very different.

Saying that, ex husband had no problem jumping into the next relationship without a backward glance.

I see it more with deaths. Men jumping quickly into new relationships and women not.

It's difficult not to see it as women being seen as useful and interchangeable.

Divorces I see it happening both ways.

I think age plays a part. It definitely seems easier for older men (late 40s/50s) to jump into new relationships with often younger women. Ime women who become single in this age bracket seem more likely to stay single.

My circle is older (50’s) and we’ve all been happily single for 3+ years (the longest one is 12 years).

I’ve been single 4.5 years now after never being single for 6 months before in my life and I really think if I knew then what I know now, I’d have spent more time on my own rather than worrying about being in a relationship all the time.

I agree about the death of a wife comment. I've heard this numerous times. My friend was asked on a date by her neighbour, two days after the funeral of his wife ! He saw absolutely nothing wrong with it !

All of my divorced or widowed friends have remained single for a very long time citing that it's really hard to find a new partner who is solvent, has his shit together and can match their income. The ones who have moved on to new relationships have picked similarly cautious men.

I know someone who asked out his deceased wife's friend at the funeral.

I kid you not.

Yep. I worked with a guy who was widowed in Sept, went to another work colleagues funeral a month later and asked his widow out. They were living together by the following March

I am one of at least 3 long term single women I know. All of us are financially sorted and aged between late 40s and late 50s.
One has grown kids, one has none, and one has primary aged kids.
The common theme- not being prepared to settle for the men who are out there, and not needing to financially.
Sorted men at this age are married. If they are single, they will date 10 years younger.
For those of us in 40s and 50s it's a better choice to stay single than date much older men

My ExH cannot be alone. He can't cope. We are currently divorcing and it's likely he'll start a new relationship soon. I am really not bothered about getting a new bloke at all.

But everyone is different.

In my friendship group, three of us are divorced. One was late thirties and she remarried as she wanted children. Two of us divorced in our fifties, we both remain single through choice, both ex-H coupled up immediately after separation. Mine even went to the extent of a lavish fake wedding before we were even divorced. I am never playing second fiddle to a man again.

Men get over the last with the next... women wallow

(My generalisation, but appears to be largely true)

Relationship ended in May, moved out in October, he started new relationship in June while l was still living there..she's still living in the family home with her husband, but practically living with him when she can.

I think she wants financial stability and he's an arrogant prat so lve got my popcorn ready.

Happily single and all men can do one