Am I being unreasonable

[Mooseylooseyloo]

I don't even know where to start.

Me Female 42 and my partner Male 41 years.
I've been with my partner for 3 years ( known him 15 yrs) , the last 12 months has been tense as he's depressed about his job/working situation and Is desperately trying to change careers to become a property investor. He's done numerous courses and has one propery on the go which is making a little money. In my eyes he is still very novice at this (6 months) mistakes have been made, but I know its all part of learning. To add, he has no money of his own, only his wages, he has no savings and is trying to do property through investors money.
Cutting to the issue.
A few weeks ago he was looking at a property that needed an investors money, the 2 that he knows wasn't Interested, so he came to me and said he had a thought, that I could be the investor as I have equity in my house ( I owned my own house for almost 20 years and i have 150k plus equity) I said I would think about it.
I did, and I don't feel comfortable taking money out (at the time he wanted 70k) I told him I didn't feel comfortable taking money out, it's a house we live in and my kids home and I would not want to risk it in any way. Since then (several weeks now) he has been quite cruel to me, Silent treatment, talking to me like crap, he says I'm a f idiot as I could be earning interest on the money and how he would be giving me back more etc, how my money is worthless being stuck in a house blah blah. Yesterday he said he was sorry for the way he's been and is just stressed as he so desperately wants to get into property and it was stressing him. Well todsy he has read a chapter in a book about equity and has started again, calling me names and saying how I wanted to be partners etc and yet I won't take the money out (30k he wants now) and now I'm getting silent treatment again stomping around, slamming doors etc, he told me he's not interested in my empty words of support and encouragement. This is because I won't take equity out of my family home.

Please I need another person's perspective on this, am I being unreasonable? , should I risk it to help him? He has never done it before and I just don't want to be the guinea pig. If I had the money just sat in a bank account then fine, but I'm nervous at taking it out of my house and him not being able to pay it for some reason and me becoming liable.

Thanks for reading.

Exactly

End this relationship op.

@Mooseylooseyloo

I'm another who says to get rid and do not even contemplate giving him any of your money. Be the biggest mistake of your life.

Besides the fact you'll be risking losing your home, who the hell do you think will be paying back any money you take out in equity?

I'll give you a clue. It won't be him.

Honestly, do yourself a favour and get rid asap.

Hope you are doing OK @Mooseylooseyloo 🌹

Dont give this man money it will end in disaster and you will be picking up that £70k/£30k to pay back. He is abusive financially and verbally. He’s got it made at £400 for living costs. You must know you deserve better that this man.

So what's happening now? Any news?

Hi everyone thank you all for your messages. I am NOT taking any money out of my house, my instinct was no, but I just wanted another perspective on it and to see if I'm being unreasonable as we are "partners" but I've come to realise from these messages that we are not partners at all, and you are all right in the fact that he will rinse me dry, he already has reslly when I think about it.
We have his 16 year old son every school holidays, even had him for the whole of the 6 weeks holiday last year and that kid ate me out of house and home, but I never got given any more money than the £400 and I ended up spending lots on my credit card. I actually found myself (for the first time in many many years) in a bit of financial trouble the back end of last year. If I was on my own, I wouldn't eat the way we do now, I would make do with simple food, omelette and beans on toast, as long as my kids eat well.
I have managed to get on top of it now, but it's obviously Easter and his son is here and I've already spent a fortune since Friday and he is eating all hours of the night. He is awake until 3 or 4 am and seems to raid the freezer when we go to bed. I found him cutting up potatoes at 3am to make chips.
When I read what I'm writing it sounds so bloody ridiculous I know.
I have a lot to think about, I have other challenges with regards to work and childcare that I need to get in order before I tell him to leave.

He may even be a swindler

It's good to hear that you're planning to get him to go, in the meantime can you ask him for more money for food at least? Or just stop buying it all, he can go shopping.

I'd also check your credit history in case he's taken anything out in your name, lock up any important financial documents somewhere he can't access them.

I loathe this man the more I think about this situation.

That he’s getting away with living costs of £400 pm and letting you pay for his DC to live in your home. Also it seems not bothering to discipline his DC who should not be up at 3am cooking food FFS!

He must be saving money hand over fist and he’s still trying to fleece you out of more of your family’s money. And that’s what he has done. Taken money from your DC.

The sooner he’s out, the sooner you can start saving again.

It speaks volumes if the investor’s won’t invest. I know we only have a snipped of what your partner is like, so I won’t tell you to kick him out, but he seems quite immature.

@Mooseylooseyloo

I have a lot to think about, I have other challenges with regards to work and childcare that I need to get in order before I tell him to leave.

I hope you're able to make those arrangements quickly OP. Book a locksmith as soon as you've done that so your locks can be changed without delay (or maybe just get the barrels changed in your standard lock and add an additional high security lock - don't rely on just getting keys back as he can't be trusted).

It's illuminating isn't it how much he's imposing on you (and with his son now) now that you're taking a good look at the situation. He'll try and make you feel guilty, for sure, but you know the truth and will feel more in control financially and emotionally once he's gone. 🌹

@Mooseylooseyloo

Sorry posted too soon: Also consider putting an alert on your property in case he fraudulently tries to register an interest against your home. See (very messy) link below. 🌹

^www.gov.uk/protect-land-property-from-fraud
www.gov.uk/protect-land-property-from-fraud#:~:text=If%20you%20live%20at%20the,HM%20Land%20Registry%20Citizen%20Centre.&text=HM%20Land%20Registry%20will%20tell%20you%20when%20they%20add%20the%20restriction.^

So you're taking financial advice from someone who is broke? No thanks

DONT DO IT ….NO WAY

Whether it's a great idea or not. The way he's behaving after your answer is appalling. Tell him to go.

Lots of previous posters have given you some great advice above and you should definitely get out of this situation as safely and quickly as you can.

I just came here to say - £400pm? I spend £300pm just on food for myself! He’s a cocklodger, and a spiteful, conniving one at that.

Under no circumstances should you invest. There's a valid reason you said no and now the pressure is being put on you. Don't do it.. smell the desperate in his behaviour and know it's a red flag. In fact you should get rid altogether!!

@Mooseylooseyloo - you said you were vulnerable going into this relationship. Your living arrangements and the fact that you had to post in AIBU on this suggest that you’re still vulnerable to being exploited in a relationship. Once you have got this guy out of your house and life, you might benefit from being single for some time so you can build up your confidence and your boundaries.