Am I being unreasonable

[Mooseylooseyloo]

I don't even know where to start.

Me Female 42 and my partner Male 41 years.
I've been with my partner for 3 years ( known him 15 yrs) , the last 12 months has been tense as he's depressed about his job/working situation and Is desperately trying to change careers to become a property investor. He's done numerous courses and has one propery on the go which is making a little money. In my eyes he is still very novice at this (6 months) mistakes have been made, but I know its all part of learning. To add, he has no money of his own, only his wages, he has no savings and is trying to do property through investors money.
Cutting to the issue.
A few weeks ago he was looking at a property that needed an investors money, the 2 that he knows wasn't Interested, so he came to me and said he had a thought, that I could be the investor as I have equity in my house ( I owned my own house for almost 20 years and i have 150k plus equity) I said I would think about it.
I did, and I don't feel comfortable taking money out (at the time he wanted 70k) I told him I didn't feel comfortable taking money out, it's a house we live in and my kids home and I would not want to risk it in any way. Since then (several weeks now) he has been quite cruel to me, Silent treatment, talking to me like crap, he says I'm a f idiot as I could be earning interest on the money and how he would be giving me back more etc, how my money is worthless being stuck in a house blah blah. Yesterday he said he was sorry for the way he's been and is just stressed as he so desperately wants to get into property and it was stressing him. Well todsy he has read a chapter in a book about equity and has started again, calling me names and saying how I wanted to be partners etc and yet I won't take the money out (30k he wants now) and now I'm getting silent treatment again stomping around, slamming doors etc, he told me he's not interested in my empty words of support and encouragement. This is because I won't take equity out of my family home.

Please I need another person's perspective on this, am I being unreasonable? , should I risk it to help him? He has never done it before and I just don't want to be the guinea pig. If I had the money just sat in a bank account then fine, but I'm nervous at taking it out of my house and him not being able to pay it for some reason and me becoming liable.

Thanks for reading.

He should be paying half of everything if you are living together. Cock lodger springs to mind. You need to run a mile. I understand you said about your age and leaving but you have 2 choices, you can stay with a man who swears at you and is bad with money and not putting in his fair share and be rinsed of money for you and your kids for your future or you can leave and not be dragged down by him and have yours and your kids money and future intact. It's not 'easy' for me to say as I have been through a split with a husband I loved because of his ways but I really do believe you should end this.

Give him the 70k.

He's clearly really good with money.

As in good with money, by not spending anything on housing for himself (sofa surfing), finding other people to invest (hence his current property only making a little money- because he probably only owns 2% of it and has got others to fork out for it), moving in with you for a minimal amount (while you cook, clean, feed & house him and his dog), bet he doesn't even pay for a dog walker because you probably do it for him.

So, no, not really! Don't give him the money and chuck him out!! If you like the dog, keep it (check my username), the dog was probably part of the way he manipulates people.

Keep the dog and boot him out

£400 per month is ridiculously cheap for rent, bills and food. If he can't afford more, he is either topping up his savings at your expense, paying off massive debts/bills or spending money on his 'wants'. None of that equates to a kind partner.

If you are worried about how he will react, ask sensible friend to be ready to come round and support you. Also, make sure you don't give him a notice period- he packs up and ships out immediately

Please dont be afraid of being alone, it will be so much nicer than having to take this abuse in your own home x

He’s already living off you. Now he’s asking you to remortgage your house, risking your and your children’s security, so he can try being a property investor.

Please please OP, get rid of this parasite. For your children’s sake.

Ditch this waste of space immediately. He doesn't want YOU, he wants what he thinks you can give him. Do not let him ruin you financially.

What she said.

Called it before you confirmed it OP.
Listen to your friend. Please.

No way 'invest' the money with him, please don't risk your house & savings, he sounds 1- an idiot, 2- an utter creep & loser, 3- believes he's some kind of pound shop Dragons Den investor, when really he has no clue.

Ref property, I'm in no way a proper portfolio property landlord or property investor, but I have a rental currently & it's just on revaluation lost £30k in resale value, the rent I get would be better return in a regular bank account at current rates & would be without the risks.

I do caveat the above with that I do perhaps see opportunities with the rental market being so strong & restricted in housing stock, that coupled with current lowering of values so properties at the right price are perhaps not so daft & we are in an unusual for UK in recent history high interest rates period, so that longer term buying & investing now isn't necessarily bad & I may well sell my one & buy a single cheaper one.

You have to leave this guy. Appalling behaviour from him! How dare he behave in this way and risk your financial future? If he's so desperate to invest, let him earn the money first and risk his own finances. The way he is stomping around like a three year old is absolutely ridiculous and why would he abuse the person who he is asking for money? The absolute gall and entitlement of your partner is one of the most astonishing things I've read in a long time. Please keep your money and your house safe.

Of course you aren't going to give him £70k to play property developer. You are going to extract yourself from this abusive relationship and get him to move out.

No no no. And dump him.

Absolutely not, if you agree to this you need your head testing. If he was any good at it he wouldn’t need to be asking others for money. Sounds like a total user.

kick him to Kirb and get him out of your life, he sounds like a complete waster.

plenty more fish in the sea .

All the books on property investing say don’t use the house you live in to fund your investments. He’s neglected to tell you that. Never ever put your home at risk.
Don’t be afraid to live on your own, you are stronger than you think, much stronger.

OP - please find your sanity and kick this useless man out.
Property investment is not a ‘job’ one can get by reading books about it. It’s a fantasy he has and it’s never going to work.
It doesn’t sound like he has the necessary business sense to make it work. (To put it plainly - i don’t think he is smart enough to know what a good investment is.)
And he has no resources of his own.
Why he thinks anyone would give him money to invest is beyond me.

But - more importantly - he lives rent free and doesn’t pay his way????? And now he wants you to risk your money to fund his pipe dream??? And being nasty about it?

Seriously - give your head a shake. No man is worth putting up with this crap for.

He's verbally and financially abusive to you. Get rid of him! And please, please don't take equity out of your house to give to a man who's been in property development for 5 minutes. That's a great way to lose the roof over your children's heads. Be smart and lose the cocklodger instead.

give him the money and you won’t see him for dust anyway - he probably has
a new victim lined up and you are not cooperating

have his belongings packed, someone else in your house, friends, family, or both,
when you tell him to leave - if he kicks off call the police -

he will shout that he has nowhere to go and you cannot just kick him out - not true

do not suggest to him the ‘relationship’ is not working, feed and sleep with him,
this is a dangerous game -
be decisive, heed the sound advice on here,
hide your jewellery

stay in touch please so we know you are ok

Definitely not someone I’d have in my home! Time to show him the door, OP.

Oh god, I hope this isn't real! Get the locks changed when he's next out if it is.

Also really hoping this is not real.
He’s bullying you in your own home. Slamming around and intimidating you. Trying to get huge sums of money out of you.

You must get rid of him OP.
Without notice. He sounds desperate. If he knows any of your passwords to anything get them all changed.

Change your locks when he is out. Pack his things boxed up somewhere safe for him to collect and text him to let him know it’s over and locks changed. Have friends stay over that night.

Its better to be single and a great role model to DC than for DC see their mother treated like this and conned out of everything you’ve worked for.

💐

Either the partner has a cock made of gold or this is a massive wind up.

@Mooseylooseyloo

So he's approached professional, experienced investors who declined to invest so he's decided to approach you as a soft target? To risk your house and your children's home (not his) when he has no experience and no money of his own. That would be a big NO from me, even without the abusive behaviour he's been sending your way.

You are not wrong in protecting your hard earned assets and you would be right in telling him to leave your home because of the disrespectful way he's treating you.

Thank goodness you are not married to him. And it looks like he hasn't invested any money or major contribution in your home so cannot challenge you to get a portion of the value of your house.

The fact is he's paying an under market contribution to get a nice home to live in plus absolutely everything else found (and you're losing your council tax rebate) whilst he bullies you. Please don't be afraid of being without someone like this in your life - quite the opposite. Value yourself more than hanging onto a situation which will make you unhappier even than you are now, the longer he stays with you.

Don't put your home, yourself or your children at risk. Get him gone - where he goes is his own affair but he needs not to be in your family's home any more. 🌹

Don't give this pathetic excuse for a man a penny. Kick his arse out.

I can't imagine why your best friend doesn't like him...

Absolutely not! He is an abusive bully. Kick him out asap and change your locks too.Then get some therapy to help you raise your bar and set some boundaries.