Am I being unreasonable

[Mooseylooseyloo]

I don't even know where to start.

Me Female 42 and my partner Male 41 years.
I've been with my partner for 3 years ( known him 15 yrs) , the last 12 months has been tense as he's depressed about his job/working situation and Is desperately trying to change careers to become a property investor. He's done numerous courses and has one propery on the go which is making a little money. In my eyes he is still very novice at this (6 months) mistakes have been made, but I know its all part of learning. To add, he has no money of his own, only his wages, he has no savings and is trying to do property through investors money.
Cutting to the issue.
A few weeks ago he was looking at a property that needed an investors money, the 2 that he knows wasn't Interested, so he came to me and said he had a thought, that I could be the investor as I have equity in my house ( I owned my own house for almost 20 years and i have 150k plus equity) I said I would think about it.
I did, and I don't feel comfortable taking money out (at the time he wanted 70k) I told him I didn't feel comfortable taking money out, it's a house we live in and my kids home and I would not want to risk it in any way. Since then (several weeks now) he has been quite cruel to me, Silent treatment, talking to me like crap, he says I'm a f idiot as I could be earning interest on the money and how he would be giving me back more etc, how my money is worthless being stuck in a house blah blah. Yesterday he said he was sorry for the way he's been and is just stressed as he so desperately wants to get into property and it was stressing him. Well todsy he has read a chapter in a book about equity and has started again, calling me names and saying how I wanted to be partners etc and yet I won't take the money out (30k he wants now) and now I'm getting silent treatment again stomping around, slamming doors etc, he told me he's not interested in my empty words of support and encouragement. This is because I won't take equity out of my family home.

Please I need another person's perspective on this, am I being unreasonable? , should I risk it to help him? He has never done it before and I just don't want to be the guinea pig. If I had the money just sat in a bank account then fine, but I'm nervous at taking it out of my house and him not being able to pay it for some reason and me becoming liable.

Thanks for reading.

Let me guess who would be getting the income from your investment?
There's a reason why you have money and he doesn't just let him know you'll leave this 'opportunity' to his other investors who no doubt are falling over themselves to finance it.

@Mooseylooseyloo

I could be earning interest on the money and how he would be giving me back more etc, how my money is worthless being stuck in a house blah blah

Also isn't this ^^ how scammers, including "romance" scammers often work? He's playing on your feelings and probably your fear of being alone. Stay strong OP - you have a lot to lose if you don't. 🌹

Eeekkkk get rid OP! You're being used. Think of your DC. It's yours and their house and it's their inheritance he's trying to get his grubby paws on. This man does not respect you and you are an example to your DC so although I know it can be hard you need to do the right thing and exit the relationship.

He can’t afford any more than £400pm? that’s not how things work. When you go to the supermarket and the cashier tells you the trolley of food costs £100, do you say “I can’t afford to pay more than £50 so you’re going to give me all that food for £50?”
What would he tell a landlord when asked for rent?
Well when you kick him out he’s going to have to find more than £400pm to house and feed himself. And that’s HIS problem, not yours.

He is a grifter and a chancer and a cocklodging cunt to boot. Change all your passwords, pack up his shit and change the locks. This man will rob you blind.
(Keep the dog).

Get him the fucknout of your house!

Add up the extra cost of water, food, electricity and then the loss of single person council tax and he is costing you money!

Tell him he needs to go! He's going to wear you down over this money op or has he has access to your house he'll fraudently do am equity release. This man is dangerous and you need to get him out.

It's a pie in the sky plan he has. No invester would ever risk it for a man with no track record. If he wants a career change, he'd be better off trying to get a job with a property management company to gain experience.
Could he have lied about owning a property? Sofa-surfing doesn't really fit with that.
Regardless, set your bar higher. The first time a man would call me names, would be the last time I see them.The only acceptable level of abuse is none. Fear of being alone is what you need to get on top of, until you've conquered the fear, you will be liable for putting up with all sorts of crap. You should fear being saddled with a sponger and user more.

Well todsy he has read a chapter in a book about equity and has started again, calling me names and saying how I wanted to be partners etc and yet I won't take the money out (30k he wants now) and now I'm getting silent treatment again stomping around, slamming doors etc, he told me he's not interested in my empty words of support and encouragement. This is because I won't take equity out of my family home.

Fuck that shit, OP. Time for you to enjoy learning how to be on your own.

Let him find somewhere else to live for £400 a month!

Get. Rid. Of. Him.

Why support a selfish user who doesn’t care about you at all?

Ye gods. Keep the money and ditch the partner. Awful.

Please get rid of him. Your first post was bad enough, but your update makes it even worse. He's really taking advantage of you and is abusive too. Please don't jeopardise your security, he needs to go.

YANBU @Mooseylooseyloo If you gave him any money from the equity in your house, he will lose that money and you will end up losing your and your kids home.
He is showing you who he is when he doesn't get his own way.

Him paying you £400 a month is insulting for everything he is expecting that to cover. Have you actually added up what all these things cost? Might be quite eye opening if you were to.
Sadly, you have ended up with a cocklodger, and things will not get better unless he either pulls his weight or you kick him out, and I suspect he won't do the former.

Jeez he's set you up.

He's not paying anywhere near enough to live with you

And he can't be a property investor without any money!

Don't you DARE give him a penny from your house.
But please DO give him notice to leave. About a week if you're being kind

"Property Investor" my arse.

If there's anyone being "a f idiot" here it's him.

Hang on to your cash OP and lose him.

There’s many good reasons why your friend doesn’t like him. Go and have a night out with her and take a pen and paper.

Simply put. In order to be a property INVESTOR- you need money!!!

Please don't invest any more time, money, or emotion on this man. He is acting like a 6 year old who has been told he can't have a Lego set because he has already spent his pocket money.

Listen to your friend!

Please LTB for the sake of your children. You’re giving them an example of a man that they don’t deserve. Literally sling him out. He’s abusive and you owe him nothing. Change the locks and sling his crap on the street. How dare he live in your house, eat food you’ve cooked and have the audacity to shout and name call. He’s a fucking pig. Do better by your kids, get rid.

He's already taking the piss financially and now he wants your actual house.
Come on. He's going to bleed you dry if you let him.

If you check sites like Spare Room, it's very difficult to even get a room in a MHO for £400, let alone a whole house, food for the month, bills paid, pet fed, etc. Please see this man for what he is, OP. He is a parasite, leaching off of you for all he can get. Time for you to get rid. Good luck 💐

what have i just read? of course you dont risk your home. get rid of him asap

Good grief op, this man is a cocklodging bully.

He will bleed you dry if you don't kick him out.

This thread is a very worrying read...

“You have to leave this guy. Appalling behaviour from him! How dare he behave in this way and risk your financial future? If he's so desperate to invest, let him earn the money first and risk his own finances. The way he is stomping around like a three year old is absolutely ridiculous and why would he abuse the person who he is asking for money? The absolute gall and entitlement of your partner is one of the most astonishing things I've read in a long time. Please keep your money and your house safe.”

This with bells on.

You absolutely don't give him a penny, how dare he even ask?!

It looks like he's trying different tactics when he doesn't get what he wants from you, switching from bullying and name calling to the Mr nice guy act.

He's a con man who just wants your money, please remove him from your life immediately.

It’s already been said re the money and the grifter himself. Very telling that your best mate hates him. IME best friends usually have your best interests at heart - she sees him.

Omg! This is awful. Get rid of him now!!! He is abusing you and using you. Do NOT ever, ever give this man money or take out equity in your children’s home. Do NOT allow him to treat you in this way anymore. He is a lazy, abusive, good for nothing prick. I am so angry for you op. Please, please kick him out, call the police if he won’t leave. Do not allow him to sweet talk you into allowing him to stay. He has shown his true colours and things will only get worse. You deserve so much more than this waste of space of a man