Do I have a right to feel offended?

[chrislt]

I'm pregnant with my exes baby, due in 6 weeks.
He has treated me pretty terribly over the course of my pregnancy, has been very manipulative, narcissistic through majority of our relationship and we are currently on low/no contact.

A co-worker made a comment to me about getting an autism test in utero, so that if my baby is autistic I can abort him. My ex heard about this as I made a formal complaint, and asked if it was true (we work together).

His response baffled me and has left me feeling upset (see photos).

I then sent a video of my belly moving, as I happened to catch it on video and thought it was so weird & beautiful and regardless of how uninterested he is at times in the baby, and how awful he treats me, I still keep him in the loop and share scan pics/info etc. He then responded (also see pics).

I understand we aren't together and we are a little contact as possible, and some people are grossed out by pregnancy, but I can't help but feel that his response comes across nasty.

It's made me feel like my body is something disgusting, and I feel like an idiot for even trying to keep him in the loop/ give him the priviledge of these special moments. I feel really embarassed and humiliated, and I feel hurt at his lack of reaction to what our coworker said.

I don't know why I am surprised, he is extremely narcsisstic and has the empathy of a plank of wood. I know his opinion of me shouldn't mean anything. But I am shaken by his response.

Am I being unreasonable or overly sensitive?

If he's your ex, then I think that sending him the video was not appropriate.

Be glad he's your ex with comments re autism.

He's your ex for a reason.

Not appropriate? It's his child!

He sounds immature and cruel, I would bother contacting him again.

Hang on, your colleague suggested you have a non existent test for autism so you could abort a baby? I dont even think your ex is the issue firstly your colleague is vile and secondly stop sending your ex pics trying to suck him back in. He doesnt want to be with you doesnt want the baby and the entire conversation between you both is revolting.

Not sure why you are sending him videos and updating him when you have said he isn't interested.

She's not trying to reel him back in. She's sharing how his child moves.
Why are you being so vile? Someone piss on your chips?

He is your Ex, why would you be sending him these videos.
He is an Ex for a reason.

All you need to decide is if you are putting him on the birth certificate - I assume you are not married. So he would need to be present if you were going to do that.

And you need to put in a claim for CMS when the baby is born.

I suppose you are about to go on Maternity Leave, will you be returning to that place of work ?

Stop contacting him. He’s clearly not interested. I feel like you’re trying to get a reaction from him.

You want him to react in a certain way and he’s not - hence why he’s an ex.

Sending him videos was weird.

Yes, YABU to send him photos and updates if he doesn’t want them. How are you low contact if you keep updating him?

You're allowed to be sensitive, you’re very pregnant and in a less than ideal situation. So don’t put yourself out there to be hurt and rejected, share this stuff with people who care about you and leave your ex to it.

@Karmakamelion read the rest of the posts, your view is a minority one. The entire conversation about aborting due to autism did get my back up though.

I think that it is understandable that you are sharing this experience with the father of your child, yet I would consider minimising contact with this Prick of a man, who appears quite distant, and is not to be someone that you could count on for support.

Reach out to gingerbread and other local single mum organisations.

Personally, wouldn't send him the video but then again, going by that text exchange I wouldn't be sending/replying to any more either.
I get such a bad vibe from that guy - if it was me I wouldn't allow unsupervised contact with my child either until I got a better feel.

The autism comment I can't get worked up on, I would think most parents would hope their child didn't have autism or anything that could make their life harder, looks like you are picking a fight or want him to kick off at the co-worker to defend you to prove he "cares"

I'm failing to see what he's done wrong in your examples.

Someone else made a stupid comment and he isn't bothered by the stupidity of the person.
There's no cure for stupid, best not to get involved.

He's asked, politely, that you not send any more images or videos of your body.

You may find it nice. He does not. Its not a requirement.

He may well be a twat in other ways, but those two examples are absolutely fine.

He asked, politely, for you not to send those videos. Fair enough. You literally asked if he would be bothered, how was he supposed to reply?

He sounds immature and completely disinterested. I think you are making a mistake by trying to involve him more than he wants to be. Men can't be cajoled into being decent fathers. You are setting yourself and your baby up for huge disappointment and possibly giving him more control down the line than is in your benefit. What I mean is, it looks very much as though he doesn't want any involvement and would just slink off into the sunset if left to his own devices. Whereas if you try and force a father/child relationship and insist on contact, you may find yourself one day in the situation of this man having the power to make decisions that affect you and your child, and which aren't in their best interests.

Op please just stop interaction with the scumbag he's not interested as for the work colleague he's just spaced out op please look after yourself and baby nobody else matters

You are not low ir no contact because you keep contacting him. You possibly think it's too low for you. You are not listening to him though, he is unlikely to want to be involved in his DC's life whether he is autistic or not because he would rather you'd had an abortion.
It comes across as you desperately showing off to him in the hope he will step up, but it's doubtful that will happen and you should try to move on alone with your baby. Stop sending him stuff and trying to involve him.

Yes - OP - you are being overly sensitive. And you seem to be making a lot of effort to "keep him in the loop" - despite knowing he is not interested in being kept in the loop about details of your pregnancy.
It doesn't necessarily mean he will not be interested in the child later - BUT pregnancy is often not as interesting to other people. To us, pregnant mothers - the movement of baby inside is magical. But other people are often quite neutral to it all. Maybe if you were still together - he'd be making more effort to feign interest.

As to the comment about test for autism - it is hard to know much without being there when you had the conversation. But I do think reporting the co-worker for it is an over-reaction.
People routinely do tests for all kinds of conditions. Down syndrome is one of those - and it is widely accepted as OK to have that test and act on it.
If there were a test that could confirm autism - and severity of it - it would absolutely be helpful to a lot of people. It would give people a choice, just like they have a choice with other life altering conditions now.
But - alas, it does not exist.
I don't know why your colleague thought there was a test - but giving him benefit of doubt - maybe he was clumsily being helpful?

OP - hard as it is - you need to really let go of trying to make him care. It will only cause disappointment. You say he was horrible to you - why keep trying to pull at some emotional strings? He does not need to see your tummy pictures. And answering theoretical questions about loving a potential autistic child is borderline manipulative.

Why would I hope my child doesn't have autism? I work with autistic children and they are bloody awesome! They are some of the most interesting and unique people I know.

I have autism. It is the usual ignorance surrounding it that is the issue not the autism itself. You get it a lot on this site. Sadly.

I work with autistic children and I would very much hope that no child suffers autism as severe as them.
It is a spectrum with very large differences.