Do I have a right to feel offended?

[chrislt]

I'm pregnant with my exes baby, due in 6 weeks.
He has treated me pretty terribly over the course of my pregnancy, has been very manipulative, narcissistic through majority of our relationship and we are currently on low/no contact.

A co-worker made a comment to me about getting an autism test in utero, so that if my baby is autistic I can abort him. My ex heard about this as I made a formal complaint, and asked if it was true (we work together).

His response baffled me and has left me feeling upset (see photos).

I then sent a video of my belly moving, as I happened to catch it on video and thought it was so weird & beautiful and regardless of how uninterested he is at times in the baby, and how awful he treats me, I still keep him in the loop and share scan pics/info etc. He then responded (also see pics).

I understand we aren't together and we are a little contact as possible, and some people are grossed out by pregnancy, but I can't help but feel that his response comes across nasty.

It's made me feel like my body is something disgusting, and I feel like an idiot for even trying to keep him in the loop/ give him the priviledge of these special moments. I feel really embarassed and humiliated, and I feel hurt at his lack of reaction to what our coworker said.

I don't know why I am surprised, he is extremely narcsisstic and has the empathy of a plank of wood. I know his opinion of me shouldn't mean anything. But I am shaken by his response.

Am I being unreasonable or overly sensitive?

He's your ex. You know he isn't interested in you.
Stop sending videos and updates unless it's something really important that he needs to/should know.
I agree with pp, don't put him on the birth certificate and definitely don't give your son ex's surname!

Why are you having any contact at all with this man?

I completely get how hurt you'd feel, but I get his perspective too as I find pregnant bellies really repulsive and alien/worm like... Like watching the moving belly would gross me out so so much.

But as the biological father, I think I would've muted notifications from you and just replied "nice!" through gritted teeth. But I might be honest after maybe the 4th or 5th video.

I get this totally about some people being squeamish with a pregnant belly..however I had only sent one video the month previous of the sonographer listening to the heartbeat as part of my last check up (no movement, just video for the sound), and then this one, in the entire 8 months. The way he wrote the message comes across like I am bombarding him, which really shocked me

Please, for the love of fuck, tell me you’re not putting that cunt on the birth certificate and certainly not giving the baby his surname?!

Don’t do those things to try to win him back. Please.

This whole situation sounds like a total fucking mess.

Separately, I hope your awful colleague is heavily disciplined.

OP why are you having a baby with this man?! Lunacy to go through with this pregnancy but since you are then accept the fact that you are on your own and act accordingly. stop including him - he doesn't care. Under no circumstances do you give your child his surname. It's your child and you will be doing all the work so give the baby your name. Put in your claim for child maintenance and get on with life as a single parent.

Your colleague was completely inappropriate but your ex is obviously not wrong to hope the child doesn't have autism. No one actively wants that for their child or themselves. Life is hard enough with young children without their being additional worries and graft.

Let's not pretend we don't understand. We might not agree, but we can understand.

Remember that time she was upset by someone telling her she should abort...?

OP some horrible comments here from people who have clearly never wanted someone to still care and love them and be part of something they created together. Absolutely disgusting and as bad as your co worker.

Yes. You should have reported.

I understand why you are sending videos but please stop. You're only hurting yourself.

Block him, get a new job and raise your child. You sound lovely and good on you for advocating for your baby. Bur this isn't going to happen the way you planned darling and you need to forge a new path.

Wish you all the best for your life with your baby.

Having two autistic children myself, I'd also have him up in HR and refuse to work with him - ableist fuckwit!
As for your ex - don't bother with him- keep him at arms length

Your co worker is a stupid twat and your ex is not interested in your pregnancy, sadly.

Hopefully when your baby is born he will step up as a father but I would stop trying to get him to feel a connection to his unborn child because I think that's unrealistic and you need to focus on yourself right now.

It would be best and less stressful for you to have a friend or family member as your birth support and let him know after your child is born and given him dates he can come and spend time with his child. He either will or he won't. Get the child maintenance claim in right away because you should not expect anything from him voluntarily or believe any promises he may make.

Your colleague is revolting.
Your ex...please stop trying to engage and stop trying to make him step up. It's not going to turn out well.

Give the baby your surname and leave him off the BC. Otherwise I can tell you from experience you are going to hell and back trying to take the kid on holiday, make medical decisions etc when they don't have your surname and you aren't the sole parent.

Do not make this mistake.

Prepare to do this all on your own.

He doesn't sound pleasant but these examples aren't wrong, just not necessarily tactful.

Distance yourself. You need to put in place some boundaries, not keep hoping you can thrash things out and he will become the father you wish you had for your baby.

That wasn't a substantive update or a video of the baby, it was a video of your body.

Your ex didn't express it particularly nicely but I think he was appropriate and well within his rights to ask you to stop sending such images. Fine to send if you're on good terms but you're not.

He doesn't have to have the same views on you on severe disability and abortion. Many people won't and his don't sound extreme from that example. Why ask him a hypothetical question when you are already pregnant and not intending/able to test for a condition? A) that is goading and b) if agreement on the topic was a priority in a coparent then you should have found out before sleeping together.

Why get into a conversation trying to get a man you haven't got a good history with to be an ally in your grievance? You should have shut it down, said the issue was being dealt with.

You need to accept the situation as it is and face it with maturity and self possession.

A woman should abort or give up for adoption if it is in the best interests of the potential human. The potential human being should come above making a decision based off of a woman's emotions and selfish wants. Those things should be set aside to make the best decision.

It's inconsequential. The potential for conception exists regardless of whether sex is consensual, non-consensual, protected, unprotected, or involves no sexual interaction at all.

Protected and unprotected intercourse can lead to potential offspring. Men expressing their desire not to have children should have their decision respected.

Some women deceive and ensnare these men. Life entails risks, some of which are optional rather than mandatory.

Part of a woman's sexual responsibility involves refraining from bringing human life into an already dire situation, especially if it's not mutually agreed upon. Prioritizing the well-being of the potential child is paramount.

No woman should proceed with a pregnancy if the other party opposes parenthood. Men cannot opt for abortion. Even if a man desires a child, it might not be ideal to bring another human being into the world. It's the woman's responsibility to objectively assess her life and circumstances and make a decision based on the best interests of the potential child.

Subjecting a child to such circumstances will have life lasting negative effects. These are individuals you're carrying, not mere objects.
The notion of proceeding with a pregnancy despite a partner's opposition, whether for reconciliation or spite, is nonsensical.

Also, wanting to intentionally bare the struggles, expenses, challenges, and burdens of single parenthood isn't a good idea.

MN is one example full of countless women bringing innoncent people into already dire situations somehow expecting an ideal healthy outcome..and things become much worse.