Good sex / bad sex

[Molly2008]

How normal is it to find a partner who can be amazing in bed occasionally but is mostly ok?

I've dated consistently good and consistently ok. But this new guy has moments of brilliance and then lots of ok.

So it got me thinking what's "normal"?!

This.

I’ve reported him. Men like him are the reason why many women feel hesitant to post about certain topics especially, and why any men using mumsnet for genuine reasons are viewed with suspicion. I’m most concerned with the former, but if mumsnet are supportive of men being here, they should at least try to make sure they’re not harassing women and having awful attitudes towards their entitlement to sex from women.

I used to have a partner who did this to me and in hindsight I consider it abuse. But if you don’t feel it is then that’s your perspective.

I agree. Men who aren't cunts should think twice about why they feel compelled to post on one of the few places on the internet that women aren't dominated by men.

Why do you do that, do you think?

Last post was to @JIMMI85.

I think compelled is a harsh way of looking at it, yes it’s a forum dominated by woman, but in some cases, I think it’s important to get a man’s perspective, on some things, as long as they are respectful and their input is helpful.

I came here because I had some relationship issues, and tbh, getting a mainly unbiased female perspective helped me and now my relationship is better than ever.

When it comes to topics regarding sex, yes it may be seen as creepy if a man acts inappropriately or doesn’t add any real input to the poster, but let’s be honest, an awful lots of questions regarding sex with their partner are often best answered by a man.

Personally, , I never ever intend to cause any hurt or awkwardness in my posts, and I will only ever respond to a particular post if I think I have some valid input which might help others. As it happens posts about sex are my forte so to speak as I have had crippling issues in that department over the last 6 years which thankfully are now behind me so I will often have a better understanding than most others here in that department. I am not here to be creepy, nor am I embarrassed to be open about said issues, quite the opposite actually, as long as I can be a help to others.

lastly, I hope I haven’t caused any offence in my message 😜

I think compelled is a harsh way of looking at it, yes it’s a forum dominated by woman, but in some cases, I think it’s important to get a man’s perspective, on some things, as long as they are respectful and their input is helpful.

but let’s be honest, an awful lots of questions regarding sex with their partner are often best answered by a man.

Hmm....‘but let’s be honest’.....if I was to be really honest regarding these comments, I’d be banned. Wtaf have I just read?

The polite version is that we can and do get a ‘mans perspective’ literally everywhere IRL and online.....EVERYWHERE .......and no, questions regarding sex here are not best answered by a man. Especially not the types of men who seem to frequent mumsnet sex and relationship boards. They usually have some very strange ideas on both sex and relationships.

🤬🤬🤬

but let’s be honest, an awful lots of questions regarding sex with their partner are often best answered by a man.

What an absolute creep.

You need to have a long look in the mirror. You are the kind of man that we women warn each other about.

I’m a little confused why I am being made to be the bad guy here - go through all of my posts and you won’t find a single degrading, derogatory or disrespectful post. I have only ever tried to help, where I feel my input is worthy.

in regards to the quote above, I think it has been widely misinterpreted.

When say questions about sex are best answered by a man, I was referring to predominantly man issues and not tell anyone here how best to have sex or what works best for a woman.

As a man approaching 40, and one who has had relationships fall apart because of issues ‘down below’ and being near suicidal I feel I am particularly well placed to help where help is needed if I can correlate to an issue I have previously dealt with, regardless of sex.

Generally speaking, men don’t talk about issues regarding ED, they feel emasculated and embarrassed.

I’ve had ED, PE, Peyronie’s disease, atrophy, tried every PDE5 known to man, used a vacuum pump, have retrograde ejaculation and now have a penile implant , all before the age of 40. It’s fair to assume very few men have gone through what I’ve gone through, if they have I doubt they have talked about it in great detail with their partner due to the reasons previously mentioned and therefore for most, not just on here, the knowledge is either flawed or inaccurate.

yes you can google and yes you can research online but surely getting helpful advice from a real life person is more beneficial?

A recent post on here was about PDE5’s such as Viagra or cialis, and most assumed that if you took a Viagra you stay hard after ejaculating. This is not the case and tbh you would only know that if you were in the medical profession or had a partner who regularly used them. The same topic also suggested that they make a man instantly hard without any sexual interaction and make him
more horny, Neither of which are true.

another post suggested that because someone found Viagra in the house , he must be having an affair. This is a complete fallacy and like I used to do, they were possibly, but not definitely , kept a secret due to embarrassment.

This all started because I gave a very valid reason, IMO, why couples can have good sex sometimes and not so great sex other times. I responded using personal experience, and in no way did I think I acted in a creepy manner nor did I mean to cause any upset to any other posters.

again, I apologise if I have caused offence, I was genuinely only trying to help.

All of this. ⬆️ and what @WinterDeWinter said.

Now the oversharing starts.

Reading his other posts, there’s a lot of defending men regardless of what they’ve done, pointing out that ‘women do that too’, pointing out apparent double standards between men and women, amongst posts where he clearly sees himself as the mumsnet sex/relationships expert. On this thread he says that posts about sex are my forte. 🤔

Its creepy af and I feel nauseous reading it all.

The law on this is confusing.
To me it reads like it is a criminal offense if someone forces a man to penetrate someone else, not if they force a man to penetrate them.

I'm specifically talking about the legalities here, not the morality.

Check the explanatory notes for section four. It makes it clearer.

Ah yes that does make it more clear.
I'm not sure why they didn't explain that more clearly in the actual wording of the law.

If they'd written it as below (changes in bold) then it would make more sense.

(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section, if the activity caused involved—

(a)penetration of B’s anus or vagina,

(b)penetration of B’s mouth with a person’s penis,

(c)penetration of A's or another person’s anus or vagina (compelled by A) with a part of B’s body or by B with anything else, or

(d)penetration of A's or another person’s mouth (compelled by A) with B’s penis,

But the fact that they left A out of points C and D made it sound like it wasn't relating to person A.

Agree with this and was going to say the same thing. The sex gets so much better with time and work on your relationship. A huge part is connection, not just physically. Communication is key and there are phases of up and down naturally with life.

@Wmale you've had your arse handed to you over the pm-but I just wanted to say-

I am not sure how long you have been with you fiancee but you said you have young children under 5 and although your sex life has dwindled, marriage is still on the cards at least for her. She sounds committed to the relationship to me.

I adore my DH and I find him very sexually attractive. Sex has always been great BUT we have been together 20 years-the frequency has peaked and troughed over the years. When the children were very young, it was definitely hard to switch between "mum mode", which is literally around the clock to a place where I could feel sexual or relaxed. This was compounded by when sex did start, sometimes the baby would wake, the toddler would get up or I would feel emotionally and physically exhausted.

You need to be patient-none of the above was a reflection of my commitment or desire for DH, but the reality of being a mum to young children. Those younger years are exhausting.

There would have been nothing more off putting than DH continually pestering me. We did still have sex of course but not as often as perhaps we would have had if we hadn't had the children.

What IS ok though is to arrange a child free date in a neutral place with your partner and talking about it. Try and make the conversation non accusatory.and reassuring though (ie. Don't say things like "you can never be bothered with sex"). Listen to how she feels. Be honest you miss the intimacy but support her. FGS don't expect her to leap in the sack straight afterwards.

Long term relationships take a lot of work, on all fronts. A balanced sex life is just one part of it.

Your kids are 2 and 4. It sounds like you've been putting pressure on her for a long time even though it is very common and normal for women to have low or no libido for some time after having a baby.

Putting pressure on her means it's less likely to make it return and can turn a very normal dry spell into a permanent dead bedroom.

You said she does it once a month now, each time she has sex she doesn't want because she feels pressured into it that makes it even less likely her libido will return (for you) also.

How can it? When her and her body know that you will happily have sex with her even though you know she's reluctant. That RUINS sex, it ruins sexual trust and it ruins the chances of a persons libido returning for their partner.

ETA: You need to stop thinking I do all of this and she just can't be bothered, because the way you have handled this is the exact way to make this worse and into a permanent dead bedroom.

Just looked at your other posts, you said you have 2 kids under 4, and your youngest is 19 months, not 2....and you said that 90% of what you do is to try to get sex. You have handled it all wrong, your intentions might not have been bad but you have to own your part in this and see how you contributed instead of saying she just can't be bothered.

If you had 2 pregnancies in the past few years, given birth 19 months ago and your libido hadn't returned and your partner had been putting non stop pressure on you for sex then I can guarantee that you would be the exact same as your partner is now, and have zero interest. I guarantee it! These situations nearly always follow the same pattern.

When her and her body know that you will happily have sex with her even though you know she's reluctant. That RUINS sex, it ruins sexual trust and it ruins the chances of a persons libido returning for their partner.

This needs repeating.

Nothing is a bigger turn-off than someone who you know doesn't actually care whether you want sex or not, as long as you tick the legal box of saying reluctant "yes". It's a razor's edge away from living with a would-be rapist.

Woah, what kind of sex are you having?? 😨

That sounds grim. Do you have first hand experience?

That's a factual description of PIV.

The woman's body, specifically her vagina, is invaded by the man using his penis.

Are you disputing the list of risks I gave? I've had post-coital cystitis so often that the bacteria developed resistance to nitrofuratoin. If a future "D"P made weekly PIV a condition of staying with me, he'd be an ex-“D"P immediately.

I'm lucky to have never had cancer.

It's well-documented: <a class="break-all" href="https://www.today.com/health/health/illness-divorce-risk-rcna24083www.today.com/health/health/illness-divorce-risk-rcna24083" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.today.com/health/health/illness-divorce-risk-rcna24083www.today.com/health/health/illness-divorce-risk-rcna24083

Seeing this put like this and in writing hits home!!

I lost more respect for him every time I said oh ok then, but he knew I wasn't into it. Just cos we say ok to keep the peace/maintain doesn't mean to say you should

FFS Mumsnet.

https://www.today.com/health/health/illness-divorce-risk-rcna24083