Good sex / bad sex

[Molly2008]

How normal is it to find a partner who can be amazing in bed occasionally but is mostly ok?

I've dated consistently good and consistently ok. But this new guy has moments of brilliance and then lots of ok.

So it got me thinking what's "normal"?!

How is it entitled? I think it's normal to be intimate emotionally and physically in a relationship. Look at the posts on here about men with ED or who aren't intimate with thier partners anymore.

So you think I PMed you to do what? I don't know anything about you.

I never said its ok

Sorry, I do not currently have capacity to do unpaid emotional labour for strangers. I’m far too busy bonking the living daylights out of my DP.

Go on then, what was the dilemma you needed advice on by one random stranger only? You realise women on here don’t do that? We post on the main board, we don’t PM other random users for special one to one advice, yet you do…

I didn't say it's conditional it's a normal part of a relationship.

Yet your on a relationship advice board.

How to make things better, you seemed like a active poster with good advice. Sorry for misjudging.

And this is how we know you’re talking shit, because it wasn’t even Naunet that you PM’d, it was me.

The oncology wards are full of women who've been abandoned after a cancer diagnosis by men like you who prioritise sex more highly than anything else in the relationship. These men's sex toys have broken down, so the men are out of there like a shot. The decades of her supporting his career by raising his kids and doing the housework all means nothing to him.

It's a shitty way to think about someone and distressingly common amongst men. And yes, it's entitled. And unlike the women who post for advice on how to tackle their husband's ED with him, which indicates a willingness on her part to stay and try to work with him to save the marriage, these men won't even try to stick around.

You didn’t even message me, you absolute idiot. How many women are you PMing to have got this confused so fast?

@Wmale maybe have a think about why she's not interested in sex with you. I'm also not sure why you would want to have sex with someone doing it out of a sense of duty or quid pro quo

You of course have a choice to leave a relationship for any reason you choose including but the amount of sex you feel is reasonable.

Surley everyone wants to be in a happy relationship whatever that is. If your in a unhappy relationship and nothing changes what do you expect people to do? I'm very supportive of my partner but I'm not living a life of been unhappy long term even if I have to start again.

I don't think it's fair for my partner to just give up on a sex life and expect everything to be ok.

She just says she isn't bothered for it, I've tried everything, scheduling it, not mentioning it for a few weeks and seeing if she instigates, helping out round the house more, giving her more time to herself, going out on dates, going to the gym and losing weight, sending flirty texts. Giving her compliments, giving her space. I can't live my life everytime I mention sex I get a roll of her eyes.

@Wmale I've said that to ex partners before, it's usually because I'm not attracted to them anymore because of their behaviour/the way they treat me. Scheduling sex is not the way forward 😂 if she doesn't want sex with you she doesn't want expected sex in a timeslot

They never know when it'll be their last time 😂

We have 2 young children under 5, doesn't scheduling it take the pressure off because you know it's not expected until that day? So you can enjoy spooning and cuddles in bed with no pressure.

@Wmale I can't think of anything worse. I also have a young child and I don't know how I'm going to feel. I do know if my husband started trying to timetable our sex life he'd be getting a lot less than he does now.
You seem to view sex as transactional and expected, for me that would be a huge turn off. Luckily my husband is an equal partner and doesn't 'help out around the house more' to get sex. He recognises his shared responsibilities in our life all the time without condition. Do you know what, it's really attractive.

If we were having sex I wouldn't timetable it. I don't even say on this day I just say this week, then of course it gets put off towards the weekend. I do my fair share house round the house and with the kids.

@Wmale She doesn't want sex with you, that's her choice. It's your choice if you're ok with that relationship or not

Yes!

🤮 Report him.

This is what I sent

Hey can we pm please?

Really offensive I guess

That's why his wife doesn't want to have sex with him 🤢

Perhaps not the most provocative sentence, but it’s best that if you want to PM someone, you ask in the public forum first. I would find quite intrusive if someone messaged me without asking, especially when the topic of the thread is about sex. I’ve had private chats on other forums and have always asked/have been asked.

When you speak to your wife about sex and she says she isn’t up for it, is that where the conversation ends? I can only speak for myself, but sex for me is psychological more than physical. If I have a lot on my mind, the thought of sex can feel like an added pressure. How is your wife’s mental well-being? Does she feel attractive after whatever her day includes? Are you meeting her other needs? It’s sounds like you’ve tried various things to promote your sex life, however, is this what she needs at the moment?

Only if you speak with an open mind and heart with her, will she be able to share what may be the block for her.