Could you forgive being called these names in an argument?

[Baywatch60]

I have currently decided to separate from H
The other night was the third time he stopped low in an argument. In the phone he called me fat, ugly slag and that my vagina stinks. I told him not to return home and he’s stayed away. He’s apologised saying he was just angry but I can’t forgive this time. I am no way fat or ugly so I just can’t believe he said it, again. I feel horrible but am pretending I am fine. Aibu?

What is it you’re asking, is it ok for your husband to abuse you? Or for you to leave him due to it?

I would loose respect for him and see the nasty side, it would be a "figure out what makes you resport to this name calling and sort it or I'm gone"

It sounds very surreal and childlike

Is he 11? FFS he’s pathetic

Literally thinking that. It is so childish.

I wouldn't forgive that - he's clearly immature to stoop so low & it won't get better.

When you divorce him your parting shot needs to be derogatory remarks about his dick.... He won't forget them in a hurry and rightly so.
What a twat.

Personally my vagina would seal itself up if my partner said those things to me - no it’s not forgivable , he sounds immature and spiteful

I don't understand why you think you're potentially being unreasonable, or why you're thinking of forgiveness?
Just divorce the trash, disregard him entirely, no need for arguing.

He's trying to chip away at your self esteem and confidence. Pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable.

Things will never be the same now. Forgiving him will be at the expense of your mental health, don't do it.

Do not let him return home. Divorce him and have a lovely life without him.

I am no way fat or ugly so I just can’t believe he said it, again.

It wouldn't matter if you were. They still shouldn't be things he resorts to as insults in an argument!

Don’t let him come back or he’ll do it again. Forgive him if it makes you feel better but divorce him anyway.

FWIW ExH used to call me terrible things, not the same words your H used but still very upsetting. Saying these things crosses a line and I don’t think you can come back from it.

I could never forgive it OP, especially as you say it's the third time.
He sounds immature and vile.
I would never be able to look at him again never mind being in a relationship and being loving towards him .

If you keep letting it go and pretending it's OK, he will keep doing it and your resolve and self worth will be chipped away over time.
He's not the one for you. You deserve better.

No that's absolutely unforgivable. Horrifying that he said that to you. I gasped when I read that and I've read some pretty bad stuff on here. Even if you were overweight would be equally bad.

Tell him he needn't worry about the smell from your vagina as he will never, ever get near it ever again. Start preparing for divorce and don't let him back. I'm so sorry you've been treated like this. You deserve so much better

No forgiveness. Absolutely none.

@Baywatch60

Why should you forgive him in the first place

If you allow him to forgive him for his emotionally and abusive nasty mean talk ways,
rember this will be percieved by him this type,
as a green light to turn the cheek to his behaviour,
Sooner or later his ugly mean nasty mealy mouth ways will rear their ugly head,

when in reality he would find extremely difficult to forgive anyone saying nasty to him,
that's for sure,

Just cause you are in a relationship whether married or not ,
he doesn't own your feelings or and your body in anyway,

Look for extra support elsewhere to ditch him
this will not get any better, unless he does some deep intense therapy and soul searching and even then,
there are definitely no gaurentees his behaviour will improve in any way,

His mean talk ways are deeply entrenched...

No, I'm sorry- that really is horrible and nasty.

He would not be allowed my stinky vagina again after that.

It’s weirdly sounds both abusive and childish at the same time

Nope. Not a chance. That's a shitty tactic designed to chip away at your self-esteem so you'll take his sorry arse back. Don't.

He sounds awful! How dare he disparage you like that! I am 100% sure he wont be an Adonis himself and his arrogance is astounding! Get rid of him ASAP do not hesitate!

I let those comments slide the first two times but this time I can’t. I’ve lost all respect and I don’t want him anywhere near me. Glad I’m not going mad.

So he’s verbally abusive, in the very worst and most damaging way. I think you know you’ve done the right thing, there’s more to life than being some idiot’s victim.

Saying he’s sorry is all well and good, but he offered an excuse: ‘he was angry.’ No shit, Sherlock. What he maybe doesn’t realise is an apology doesn’t magically undo the past and reset the wronged party’s brain like an alarm clock. Those were astonishingly hurtful things to say. He sounds like a malicious 13 y.o. Is that seriously a prospect as a man for life?

YMMV but in order to be meaningful and genuinely move towards a repair of the damage done, an apology should look to the future (as in, I recognise this was unacceptable, can see how you would struggle to move past it and therefore I am taking x steps to ensure there’s not going to be a repeat of it).

Since this is the third time he’s done it I’d say, nah, it’s who he is and he’s not changing. I couldn’t ever sleep with a man who spoke to me like that again. Sometimes that’s just the way it goes, he did it, the trust is gone. What’s the benefit to you in pretending otherwise? Are you trapped? If not, it’s a good time to say cheerio before it gets a whole lot worse.

He has a nasty vicious undercurrent of hatred and abuse that comes up like lava from a volcano and erupts when he is angry.

But like a volcano, it’s always there.

Don’t live with this. You will be in constant edginess of the next eruption and it will chip away at your self confidence.