Could you forgive being called these names in an argument?

[Baywatch60]

I have currently decided to separate from H
The other night was the third time he stopped low in an argument. In the phone he called me fat, ugly slag and that my vagina stinks. I told him not to return home and he’s stayed away. He’s apologised saying he was just angry but I can’t forgive this time. I am no way fat or ugly so I just can’t believe he said it, again. I feel horrible but am pretending I am fine. Aibu?

And this too.

He’s fucked up and will only get worse

You're not going mad. He's a disgusting, rude, immature twat.

Not acceptable ever.

He has shown his true colours. Divorce him.

He is a putrid excuse of a human being.

Glad you have dumped him.

Enjoy your life.

Do you have people you can tell IRL OP? About what he is really like and what he has done, again. Family/friends? This isn’t your shame. It is entirely his and if you have anyone you can tell IRL, tell them. Don’t keep his vicious, nasty behaviour a secret for him. You need to get him out of your life.

Nope. I don't keep men who hate women anywhere near me. And anyone who speaks to a woman like that, hates all women.

Absolutely vile pig.
He used those words to try to inflict as much damage as possible.
Unforgivable.

There would be no forgiveness from me ever and if he started again when I told him he is 100% not coming back I'd say I don't want to be with you, you are a fat, ugly cunt with a small cock, he'd probably keep thinking about that, they hate to think they have small bits.

You're fat, ugly and smell!

That's the argument a 6 Yr old puts forward when they can't think of anything else to say. Basically, an infantile tantrum. Totally pathetic and lacks any emotional intelligence whatsoever.

Ewww 🤢

You’re definitely being unreasonable if you doubt that you should LTB

It's a very common tactic with men who are so inarticulate that they are unable to argue their case without using physical or sexual slurs. It is meant to shut you up. Get rid of this abusive oxygen thief.

You let them slide twice. To him you were giving him permission. It will only get worse. In any case how can you ever be intimate with a person who says this to you?

By the way, it's not childish. It's misogynistic!

He’s apologised saying he was just angry but I can’t forgive this time. I am no way fat or ugly so I just can’t believe he said it, again. I feel horrible but am pretending I am fine. Aibu?

You are not at all unreasonable - quite the opposite, since you gave him another chance. Noe's your time to think about how your future should look, do your research and put your plans in place to leave him behind. 🌹

I would say "well you are better off with out me then" and carry on with ending the relationship.

He sounds delightful!

Is he always like this? How awful. I certainly wouldn't put up with that, those word would never leave my husbands mouth!

You've given him two chances to stop, he didn't stop.

I suspect he'd be back doing it sooner or later if you forgave him this time again too.

Even if he didn't; it's line crossing stuff.

I'd be interested to see how comfortable he'd be in your relationship if you'd retaliated with "you are ugly/fat/short for a man/low earning/have a small dick/your dick and balls smell" etc.

I was in a relationship with a verbal abuser (during arguments ...well in retrospect a lot of them were attacks rather than arguments)

...he didn't stoop as low as your stbx, but his behaviour was part of a wider picture of severe immaturity, lack of development/stunted development emotionally, mentally/maybe a personal disorder. I realised in retrospect that even though he was mid 40s and a father, he was deeply immature and undeveloped and unregulated...lacks emotional regulation, in many ways.

Point scoring/getting emotional "hits" on you was more important than anything else at the time ... Including honesty, perspective, the future of the relationship etc. He expected all this to be dismissed as not being meant .... So because he would say pretty much anything to score points during an "argument" and maybe not mean it, I was supposed to just accept that. "Oh he's like that in arguments, he doesn't mean any of it ...while they are insulting and abusing you". It's deeply deeply immature, unrealistic, lacking responsibility etc.
And as I said, I'd be interested to see how comfortable they would be continuing the relationship in an enthusiastic, committed way if they were on the receiving end of similar insults and accusations.

If they're like that as an adult past 30 (?) I don't see them changing much.

Yep.

Being repeatedly called a cunt and a shit mother surprisingly did nothing but reinforce my desire for divorce.

Words are powerful and whenever I was feeling guilt for the DC no longer having mum & dad together I would remember what he said and how he said it and knew I was doing the right thing.

Trust your instincts OP.

I suppose that the bottom line is that we, as women, want to be in a relationship with an adult; not a nasty child.

Which is what he is.

This is awful behaviour.

Leave the immature, cruel loser.

Seriously, people inevitably argue sometimes but this language is totally unacceptable.

First time would be it for me, not third.
Tell him if your vag stinks its because he doesn't keep himself clean before you have sex.

Sadly the question seems to be would women want to be in an abusive relationship rather than single. And that is down to downplaying of abusive behaviours to the point they are normalised. British TV has been doing this for years. Brits grow up on a visual diet of unhealthy relationships and appalling boundaries.

People can argue without name calling. Name callers are usually too stupid to debate and discuss rationally so resort to name calling.

The fact he's unintelligent would turn me off and the fact he's abusive would make me dump him.

@Baywatch60 my ex was like this, he also told our DC I was a fat pig. I had just given birthday after a high risk pregnancy, I think whore was thrown in there too for good measure.

At at time, I was so confused and upset that this man I thought cared about how I felt, that he must have been reduced to this because of something I did.

Now, I’m incredulous I let the relationship get beyond the first encounter.

Luckily, someone else has now taken him off the market so he’s contained for now. They are far better suited than we would ever be in this lifetime, and they spend their time trying to find way to explain how terrible I am still. I admire their energy after all these years, but I digress.

Your husband is a petulant toddler and you really should take him out like the trash he is.

I have no time for men like this, and neither should you.

There are decent men just waiting to have a fulfilling relationship if that’s what you choose to do after recovering for this sheer horror show of a man you’ve been exposed to.