Does your partner fancy you even if you don't have a conventionally perfect body?

[Salepale]

I have been married for two years. I have put on 1.5 stone since getting married (have had a change of exercise routine and have had bigger meals with him in the evening). I want to shed some pounds, and my husband knows this. I was a size 10/12 when we married. I'm about a size 12/14 now.

But I feel like my husband doesn't fancy me now that I'm a bit wobblier in places. He tells me he likes my face, but he never touches my body. We have sex, but there is no caressing from him (so it's not great for me).

I wondered if there are women out there who don't have a conventionally perfect body, but who feel like your partner really fancies you and wants you? Have things changed after being together for a long time, or does he still act like he fancies you?

My husband acts like he fancies me, we've been together 10 years now and have young children so admittedly it's not as exciting as it was when we was younger but we do try and show each other affection. We barely get to have sex though anymore 😂 after 3 kids my body has changed, it makes me feel insecure but he assures me I'm still beautiful in his eyes

Yep.
I am 20 stone, tall. I was about 5 stone less when we met. Have had two kids since.
I am absolutely not a healthy weight and that is the matter of a different thread. But he loves me because I am me. Sex comes naturally to us. It ebbs and flows with shift work, young kids etc etc. but we are what each other wants still.
We make time every day to connect in an intimate, not sexual, level. Just a long hug or a kiss, but just for us, absolutely for us. I need physical contact of a non sexual nature just as much as contact of a sexual nature and that’s not something the comes naturally to my DP so we have had to have a bit of trial and error at what works for us.
Every day we have a long hug, maybe a minute or two. Sounds like bollocks, but when the kids are off playing we will make the time just to hold each other. Just be with each other in that moment. It’s bloody lovely.

It sounds to me like your partner is simply taking you for granted and has become lazy. It's hardly any difference between a size 10 and a size 12. I can't believe that a man would suddenly lose all love and desire for a woman's body over a couple of inches.

To answer your question though, I was at one time 26 stone and I met a very slim and attractive man and we were boyfriend and girlfriend with a very very active sex life for the next eight years.

I have also met in my life many women who are a size 18, 20 and over who have excellent sex lives with their boyfriends or husbands over many years.

I've been with DH for 9 years and have had 2 children. I'm 5 stone heavier than we got together but he still claims he fancies me and is all over me most nights.

Yes DP makes me feel very wanted and fancied. My problem is my own attitude to my weight gain! I feel self-conscious and unattractive.

It sounds to me like your partner is simply taking you for granted and has become lazy. It's hardly any difference between a size 10 and a size 12. I can't believe that a man would suddenly lose all love and desire for a woman's body over a couple of inches.

I agree with this. If going up a dress size makes him suddenly lose all attraction to you, that's a bit of a red flag. It does sound more like he's become lazy and doesn't feel he needs to put in the effort so much with compliments, affection, foreplay, etc.

Have you spoken to him about this specifically?

I'm about thirty odd years older than when we first met , does that count ?

Weve been married over 40 years and I have actually lost weight due to illness. I hate my body now, I have no muscle tone and I look like a bag of bones imo.

My dh tells me I’m lovely and reassures me that I’m still the girl he fell in love with.

1.5 stone is a small weight gain. Your dh should be your biggest supporter.

I've been with DH for 9 years and in that time I've been 58kg/size 6 all the way up to 95kg/size 14/16 and he's fancied the pants off me the whole time. He's a man of very unspecific taste I think

I haven't got a partner so can't comment from that angle, but your weight gain doesn't sound much, or very dramatic. As it sounds as though you're unhappy with your weight, I'm wondering whether your own feelings are playing a part in the intimacy issues you've been experiencing - made you a bit more inhibited/self-conscious maybe?

This

After kids I'm 4 stone heavier than when we married

I would not be with someone who made me feel that keeping young and beautiful ( slim) was a requirement to be desired

He is going to get old and fat so talk to him about your feelings

Yes, I am a size 16 and DP tells me how gorgeous I am, how much he loves my body etc.. I agree with the pp - your partner just got lazy!

Ditch him. I was with a man who did not tell me I was beautiful or attractive. He would make snide little comments about my appearance and say he was only joking. It destroyed my self esteem that was already pretty delicate TBH.

I have people now tell me I am pretty and beautiful and I don't believe them. I'm not sure I will ever believe it.

Yes my DH does. I'm 13 stone, been up to 15 and he still did. I know he prefers me a bit smaller but really he just likes women's bodies in general and is enthusiastic and appreciative about mine whatever it looks like.

I'm with @Pepsimaxedout I had one like this, he made me feel so unattractive and worthless. I'm a size 18-20 and since being single it's been a revelation the amount of men who find me attractive, and not just in a one night stand kind of way.

It takes time to get that self esteem back though, I'm still working on it. But the man I'm seeing certainly helps 😉

Throw the whole man away OP. Someone who makes you feel this way isn't worth your time

I gained 7 stone due to multiple pregnancies and illness and my husband never stopped trying it on constantly.

Lost the weight now which means my body is a mess in terms of conventional beauty. Massively saggy skin and overhang, boobs to belly button.

Still at it like rabbits. 20 years together.

He loves me.

Yes of course. I probably looked conventionally attractive aged 21 and got male attention but at that time was obsessed that I had small breasts and a flat arse and thought I was lucky to get anyone.

I was 50 and a size 18 when i met dp and am a size 20 now. I'm working on changing that but we have a very hot sex life. So I agree with a pp that this is about your confidence and your relationship.

Apart from anything else, do you fancy him? Where's your gaze in this? Would a few pounds here or there bother you? Do you compliment him, tell him you want to fuck him? Too many men will however accept compliments without giving them. I'd try texting him - tell him you can't wait for him to caress your body tonight, tell him what you want to do to him and what you like to see. Take charge of what you would like to happen. See if he responds.

5 years we've been 'together' (relationship and now fwb). I have put 3 stone on in that time. He never shuts up about how beautiful and pretty I am, and he adores my body just as much now, as ever. He doesn't believe that I've put weight in!

That makes me agree with previous posters, that it's his lazyness that is the problem. Have you told him how shit he is making you feel?

I'm a size 26-28, was a 22-24 when we met 20 years ago and I've been down to a size 18 ish in that time. Not great but that's not the subject of the thread! We've had ups and downs, tragedies and easier times and not once has he ever made me doubt his feelings for me or his attraction to me after all this time. For what it's worth he is also very skinny, physically fit, and beautiful looking even if I do say so myself .

I don't think this is an issue with your weight OP, never mind him for a second, are you getting what you need out of this?

I'm 10 stone, size 10, keep myself fit and make sure I look nice(ish) most of the time, and I am completely invisible to DH. Doesn't look twice at me. It's not you that's the problem, it's the men. I bet you're lovely. He needs to get a grip.

Yes, 5 stone, 23 years married and he still really fancies me. I don't fancy me but he does. I also still really fancy him even with the wrinkles and no hair. I sometimes just look at him and think, 'God you're gorgeous', but physically he is very different to the man I married

I don't know a single woman with a "perfect" body.

OP do you think there is a possibility that you are projecting your own insecurity about your weight onto your DH?

I dont have a partner he left me for someone younger alot younger and much larger.

Totally. Three children later I’m significantly heavier. Was 9 stone now 11.5. DH still finds me v attractive as I do him. I’d like to lose weight but not for him.