Does your partner fancy you even if you don't have a conventionally perfect body?

[Salepale]

I have been married for two years. I have put on 1.5 stone since getting married (have had a change of exercise routine and have had bigger meals with him in the evening). I want to shed some pounds, and my husband knows this. I was a size 10/12 when we married. I'm about a size 12/14 now.

But I feel like my husband doesn't fancy me now that I'm a bit wobblier in places. He tells me he likes my face, but he never touches my body. We have sex, but there is no caressing from him (so it's not great for me).

I wondered if there are women out there who don't have a conventionally perfect body, but who feel like your partner really fancies you and wants you? Have things changed after being together for a long time, or does he still act like he fancies you?

OP, this really stood out to me:

"He tells me he likes my face, but he never touches my body. We have sex, but there is no caressing from him (so it's not great for me)"

If I'm having sex with someone, I'm doing it because I want to make BOTH of us feel good - that's the point of sex.
Even if I was a little less attracted to someone due to body changes, I would still be trying to make them feel good in bed because - well, otherwise why would I be having sex with them? It's not a solo sport.

It's almost a seperate issue - why does he no longer try and give you pleasure in bed? That's not okay!

I’m a size 18-20 and probably weigh 16 stone. My BF clearly fancies me, loves my big boobs and tells me I’m beautiful. He's super skinny and 6’2” so we look ridiculous together but it doesn’t seem to be an issue in terms of attractiveness. He will sometimes mention it in passing eg “well you’re bigger than me so of course xyz” but it’s never said with malice or to make me feel bad, just factually. This took me a while to be ok with, and of course I’d love to be all dainty and slim, but I’ve resigned myself that my thyroid and menopause make that unlikely.

FWIW when I was dating I put a full length pic on there and directed men towards it before entertaining any chat. Still had plenty of interest, including my FWB who was gorgeous and 10 years younger than me!

Agree with others that taking some time to yourself for exercise -
and a nice spa session afterwards with friends - is the best way to deal with his hints!

Have you heard the phrase ‘why is it acceptable for dads to have dad bods when they don’t give birth, but not acceptable for mums to have mum bods when they’ve grown and birthed children’.

I’m sure you’re perfect as you are!

Also if he’s not making you feel good about your body when you’re having sex then don’t do it, for the love of god. When you’re naked and vulnerable you should feel cherished and adored not self conscious and like he doesn’t really want to be touching you. Whenever my ex would have times like that I’d stop proceedings and say I wasn’t feeling it. He had the chance to get the fuck into it or go to sleep, as I wasn’t going to be lying there feeling anything less than desired.

Are you also asking if people on here fancy their partner if they don't have a conventionally perfect body? Or just putting that responsibility to be perfect on women?

Yes, I'm really hairy and don't usually keep on top of all hair removal, he doesn't seem remotely bothered and is very attentive. He is significantly overweight now though so not like he's got a perfect bod himself either like (he was not when we met and married).

I've went from a size 6 to 10/12 since me and my partner have gotten together, he prefers me heavier (bigger 'assets'), he doesn't like my lack of body confidence though, I want the lights off now, think about what my body is doing etc

@Lifestooshort71 has he actually said your procedure that you have had is the reason.

I've been with dh 28 years. I've put on quite a few stone over that time, but dh still very definitely fancies me!!

20 years ago when we met I was a size 6

2 kids later I don't think I'll ever be a size 6 again.

But we can still have very passionate nights. Not as often with 2 kids, but it does happen.

Quite honestly, if he suddenly doesn't fancy you over a single dress size, he's a knob anyway!!! Who doesn't love their partner any more because they're wearing a 12 instead of a 10! Bloody ridiculous.

I've been between 8 and 18 and always made to feel sexy and been complimented on my body by DH.

@Salepale I think what he’s saying to you about not exercising enough had alot to do with control from what we’ve previously discussed. I don’t think it has anything to do with you but I don’t feel he’s not loving you how he should and that is the real issue. All of this control comes from his insecurity as he knows you are too good for him! Chipping away at your confidence is a way to take your confidence away, please don’t let him! x

In to our third decade together, raised 2 children together, I've been slimmer and I've been bigger. Currently about 10kilos overweight. It would never cross my mind that a bit of weight gain would put him off me. I'm fairly confident in my sexiness though and enjoy my own body - it's softness and curves.

This is great! I ❤️ this

I hope you've recovered from the operation ok, @Lifestooshort71 . 🌷I'm sure your partner thinks you're beautiful. Scars show that you have a story to tell.

Personally I do think 1.5 stone in 2 years without having children is a fairly big weight gain. Whether it’s enough to stop him fancying you is debatable though.

Love and sexiness don’t have a weight limit OP.

We've been together 27 years and still fancy each other. We've both been smaller, bigger and everything in between. I had two big babies, and pregnancy did a number on my body both times.

We're both in good shape at the moment as we're fit and active. But we've never been unaffectionate with each other, even when we thought we were "at our worst".

Also - with age comes confidence. I don't really give a fart about a lot of body issues I had when I was younger.

He said he loves your face, he wants u to exercise more. Even though it's not a huge increase in weight it sounds like it's becoming a thing for him.

Seven years together and I'm a size 20 and short. Husband can never keep his hands off of me (to an annoying extend)!

What's a conventionally perfect body?

Look this is a predominantly female site, and playing obtuse doesn’t really work, you know the answer to that, as do we all. So just make your point. No need to play games,

This! And we have been married 35 years. I don't think he has ever made a negative comment about my body in all that time. He still finds me very attractive ☺️

Reading this has made me really sad. I dont think my dh has ever desired me in that way. Never really seems attracted to me or compliments my body.