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Original poster

Does your partner fancy you even if you don't have a conventionally perfect body?

78 replies

Salepale · 19/03/2024 00:31

I have been married for two years. I have put on 1.5 stone since getting married (have had a change of exercise routine and have had bigger meals with him in the evening). I want to shed some pounds, and my husband knows this. I was a size 10/12 when we married. I'm about a size 12/14 now.

But I feel like my husband doesn't fancy me now that I'm a bit wobblier in places. He tells me he likes my face, but he never touches my body. We have sex, but there is no caressing from him (so it's not great for me).

I wondered if there are women out there who don't have a conventionally perfect body, but who feel like your partner really fancies you and wants you? Have things changed after being together for a long time, or does he still act like he fancies you?

OP posts:
Autienotnaughtie · 19/03/2024 08:46

I met dh when I was 30. I was slim but not perfect but he definitely fancied my body and I his (stocky but athletic)

Over the years he gained a lot of weight and became obese. I still fancied him but I didnt fancy his body. And I worried about his health.

Now I'm middle age I've developed a stomach (ironic as I eat healthier and exercise way more than I have ever done) and gained some weight. I sense dh feels similar about me. He still fancies me and wants sex but I don't think he looks at me and wants to rip my clothes off any more.

Dh lost all his weight over lockdown I find him a bit scrawny looking. He often gets asked if he is ill. I sill fancy him but his body isn't attractive to me in the way it was.

TakeAByte · 19/03/2024 08:59

I'm a lesbian with not sure if it counts but my DP has put on 3 stone since we got together and I still desire her just as much. She's the same person, her body is the same shape just a little larger, not a big deal whatsoever. I try to help her lose weight because I'm more 'versed' in nutrition and diets than she is and I know it makes her feel insecure. But never pushy with it, only if and when she brings it up and absolutely no bearing on intimacy. You have put a small amount on that's all. He isn't being fair.

Freakinfraser · 19/03/2024 09:02

A dress size is nothing, it’s a couple of inches. So I’m not sure it’s weight related, why do you think it is, has he said something?

swiveleyedconspiracyloon · 19/03/2024 09:05

I have been married nearly 40 years, of course we have both changed physically but DH still fancies me, always touching me and complimenting me, telling me I am gorgeous, (liar) 😁

BigFatLiar · 19/03/2024 09:09

We all find different shapes and sizes attractive and that probably changes over the years. I'm older and different to when we were younger. Children, illness and life takes its toll. My husband says when he's with me and when he holds me he still sees the young woman he married and that he loves me more every day we're together and he doesn't regret a day of our life together. I think life had has not been so kind to DH but I still love the man he is, kind and caring.

Rooroobear · 19/03/2024 09:13

Of course your partner can still fancy you if you don’t have a conventionally perfect body. I’m a size 14 with a wobbly belly. I’ve found that men love my belly (even though I hate it) and these men are fit and athletic (unlike me). Blows my mind why they like it but I’m not complaining and it gives me confidence in my body so

SamW98 · 19/03/2024 09:17

Very few people have a conventionally perfect body so if that was all that a partner was interested in 99% of the world would be single.

If going up a dress size is enough to turn him off then he wasn’t invested in first place.

I agree with PP are you sure that’s the reason and it’s not your insecurity projecting?

TheFancyPoet · 19/03/2024 09:18

I do not have like very long straight legs but have them nice the way they are. Have a small waist and huge boobs though, green almond eyes, am not tall, but men were always like wild beasts

DustyMaiden · 19/03/2024 09:20

age 16 to 61 you can imagine I’ve changed a little. He still fancies me.

BreezyBrickRobin · 19/03/2024 10:28

I've been married 34 years and had 3 children and my husband constantly tells me I am beautiful even though I have to disagree.! As time goes on he seems to want me more - wobbly bits included!

nonmerci99 · 19/03/2024 10:44

Yes, he does. I’m probably about 2.5 stone up from when we met 8 years ago, though currently I’m working on losing it (I’m 7 months postpartum and have 3 kids). To be fair, my husband has also gained weight (he’s gone from being VERY slim to being pretty normal, probably a comparable weight gain to me). I still fancy him and he still fancies me, though it’s very hard fitting in sex at the moment!

Cauliflowery · 19/03/2024 11:24

I've been all sizes from 8 to 16 up and down over the past couple of decades. My partner has continued to be extremely enthusiastic whatever size I am. I'm currently not at my smallest yet sex is incredible.

Previous boyfriend used to criticise my body. When I was a size 8 - 10 (and I'm tall). It was very much about a projection of his issues and his need to control me.

Original poster
Salepale · 19/03/2024 16:54

Thanks everyone. These experiences are good to hear about.

My husband has told me several times that he's annoyed that I don't exercise more (I do a bit, but not loads). He's been trying to buy me an exercise machine. He hasn't directly said that I need to lose weight, but he often talks about how it's important to keep in shape.

It's also interesting to hear about those who are having / have had a similar situation to mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Salepale · 19/03/2024 17:04

Dettyspagetti · 19/03/2024 07:03

I gained 7 stone due to multiple pregnancies and illness and my husband never stopped trying it on constantly.

Lost the weight now which means my body is a mess in terms of conventional beauty. Massively saggy skin and overhang, boobs to belly button.

Still at it like rabbits. 20 years together.

He loves me.

This is great to hear!

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 19/03/2024 17:06

@Salepale how exceptionally boring of him. Perhaps you could sign up for an interesting challenge (long bike ride but somewhere like the Champagne region or something, no suffering) and then leave home and child responsibilities to him while you go out training three times a week, also including plenty of nights out with your training team. Or join a gym so that you can hang out in the jacuzzi with a book.

Original poster
Salepale · 19/03/2024 17:09

yellowsmileyface · 19/03/2024 06:13

It sounds to me like your partner is simply taking you for granted and has become lazy. It's hardly any difference between a size 10 and a size 12. I can't believe that a man would suddenly lose all love and desire for a woman's body over a couple of inches.

I agree with this. If going up a dress size makes him suddenly lose all attraction to you, that's a bit of a red flag. It does sound more like he's become lazy and doesn't feel he needs to put in the effort so much with compliments, affection, foreplay, etc.

Have you spoken to him about this specifically?

Hi @yellowsmileyface , yes I did talk to him about it a while ago, after I'd got upset about something. I said I didn't feel like he fancied my body at all. He denied it and said he did, but he hasn't acted any differently around me since.

OP posts:
Sophie3003 · 19/03/2024 17:14

I was a size 6 prior to getting pregnant and I am now pregnant and massive, stretch marks everywhere and honestly huge! My husband always says I am beautiful and attractive and things haven't changed for him. He also said I was as beautiful when we got back together (post one baby and caesarean) as I was when I was 20.

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 19/03/2024 17:15

I’m 55 and a size 18, with c-section overhang and enormous bosoms. When I walk into a room my DP of 9 years looks at me as though Scarlett Johansson has appeared in the doorway - a mixture of amazement and joy. Yes, we are very touchy and have a very close intimate connection.

Schmusimausi73 · 19/03/2024 17:28

I had a single mastectomy due to breast cancer 2 years ago and initially I was worried about how it would affect our sex life, to be honest. I am still me, but with a huge scar where my left breast used to be. Thankfully, my husband still fancies me as he did before, so I think if a lack of breast is not a deal breaker, a few extra pounds should not be either.

Barleysugar86 · 19/03/2024 17:31

I am several stone heavier than before we married and hate the way I look at a size 12-14 but somehow it doesn't seem to have changed a thing for my husband. Ten years married now. Somehow he finds me sexy even in a dressing gown when my skin breaks out in spots and my hair is wet. If anything I have to stop his hands wandering all over my body at inopportune times. I think this is less about you physically and possibly more about feelings waning in the relationship generally.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 19/03/2024 18:15

I've had both sides of this relationship issue:

My ex-h started like yours OP. Then it became him openly calling me fat, then picking at other aspects of my character and life. Eventually we called it a day (after 15yrs together there was a DV incident) and he met and married someone bigger than I was. He ruined my self esteem and confidence and I've never managed to regain it.

I've put on a lot more weight since having kids with my DP and am a size 18-20 with a CS overhang and ruined stomach. He is 5 stone lighter than me and I've put on around 4 stone since meeting him 6 years ago. He doesn't care about my weight, he makes it clear that he finds me attractive at any weight and it doesn't affect anything about our relationship. My self esteem is still rubbish due to my ex-h but I know my DP loves me for me.
I've recently started losing the weight but it hasn't affected how attracted he is to me.

milkonesugar35 · 19/03/2024 18:19

Together 12 years, three kids and currently the heaviest I've ever been at 9st. I hate the wobbles but dh doesn't seem to notice. Not that we have remotely regular intimacy anyway! I'm much more confident in my own skin closer to 8st

Lostsoul123 · 19/03/2024 18:24

On the flip side my partner admitted he feels like this with me. I eat healthily exercise etc and he said he's put on weight and feels unattractive compared to me. I've barely noticed he's put on weight and tbh I love him for who is is not that he's gained a bit of weight.

Lifestooshort71 · 19/03/2024 18:30

I had a radical mastectomy at 70 and it coincided with the end of our sex life. He says he still loves me and is just thankful I'm still alive....I wouldn't fancy me if I were him either!

JenniferBooth · 19/03/2024 18:54

Salepale · 19/03/2024 16:54

Thanks everyone. These experiences are good to hear about.

My husband has told me several times that he's annoyed that I don't exercise more (I do a bit, but not loads). He's been trying to buy me an exercise machine. He hasn't directly said that I need to lose weight, but he often talks about how it's important to keep in shape.

It's also interesting to hear about those who are having / have had a similar situation to mine.

Bet my last pound your DH is one of those men who wants you to excersise but wont do more sole parenting to allow you the time to do so.

I betcha

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