Are men like cleaners?

[Superlambaanana]

And obviously the answer is ‘no absolutely not, they’re bone idle around the house’. But hear me out…

I’m single in my 50s after a lifetime of failed romantic relationships with men. Two major, longterm ones, one of which was emotionally abusive and has scarred me greatly. I feel like I have wasted so much time on men to the detriment of living my own life. Yet I still have this hankering to be in a relationship. I have a full life but I come home to an empty house and I hate being the singleton at events with my married friends.

It occurs to me that it’s a bit like wanting to get a cleaner.

It’s ideologically uncomfortable. In theory, Im against it on socialist/ feminist grounds.

But in practice, it’s widely accepted to be the norm. And going with the societal flow usually makes life a lot easier.

But even if I could get over it contradicting with my values, I still can’t get past the knowledge that ultimately I’m going to end up with someone who made me happy at first, but will inevitably make me miserable and I’ll be stuck with them because getting out of arrangements like these is always difficult, painfully slow and reputationally damaging.

So do I just keep going it alone or do I need to reframe the requirement?

@dimllaishebiaith this would make sense as earlier down the thread @shuggles talked about the purpose of a relationship being to have a man for financial support.

@dimllaishebiaith This is not the first thread where you have decided to tell women who have been in abusive relationships that it must be because they are attracted to "bad boys"

I didn't say that women are attracted to "bad boys." Many abusive men are nothing like "bad boys."

Whilst simultaneously talking about how women aren't attracted to you and that's why you don't get much sex

I didn't say that. I suggest reading the comment again.

The main reason why I am not having sex at the moment is because my sex drive collapsed over the past few years.

Incorrect. What I said was:

The reason to seek a partner is if you want company and intimacy, with the added bonus of having someone to support you both financially and emotionally.

This was a general statement, and not specific to the OP. Also, this was a gender-neutral statement. People receive a dual-income benefit when they are in relationships (see the "single tax"). It also means having someone to lean on financially- men can financially support women in relationships, and women can financially support men in relationships.

In that there is usually a price to be paid for having one, yes.

Best answer.

Presumably this goes equally well for men as women. Men don't actually need women as in a wife/partner, many manage fine on their own. It's just the way we're raised to live as couples and raise children. Going through life on your own childless is not a sign of failure.

We love the idea of being in love, the reality can be somewhat different.
I don't feel lacking in any way being single. None of my friends who have partners seem any happier. I was happily married, widowed, and now happily single for many years. Maybe if l were younger l would feel differently but for me, it's quite a relief not to have that burden of accountability, compromise, and dare l say, monotony.