Hello everyone.
I am new here and was wondering if anybody can offer me any advice.
My relationship has hit a bump in the road at the moment due to an issue which has not been resolved for a while. It all revolves around Easter Sunday.
My partner has a small family, his Mum and his Grandma. His lovely Grandma turns 100 on Easter Sunday! Unfortunately, this also clashes with Easter Sunday plans we had already made with my family for us (he/we didn't realise the clash in dates!)
Easter Sunday has always been a big occasion in my family, not to mention it is also my birthday weekend too.
I shared with him that I would like to try and do both things if we can. He initially categorically said no to doing both and is saying that he can't understand why I would prioritise Easter (which he said consists of basically a roast) over his Grandma's 100th Birthday. He said that if it were him in my shoes, he would drop his plans for me.
I said to him that I understand what he is saying, but feel that I have missed two Christmases with my family as we choose to stay as a couple but he didn't feel like he could leave his Grandma and Mum at Christmas. His response was that if I wanted to see my family at Christmas, it would be without him as he needed to see his Mum and Grandma. I explained that there have been occasions where him and his family have been priority.
We saw his Grandma and Mum yesterday and they started talking about her birthday. His Grandma would like to go to the sea-side. I explained that unfortunately I wouldnt be able to go to the seaside but will drop by afterwards when they return for tea and birthday cake at her carehome. I have tried to compromise and do both things.
His Grandma and Mum's face dropped and they both looked really sad. When we left after we saw them, I said to my partner that I felt awful for letting them down. He said that he thought their reactions were very mild, and that if he was in their position he would have responded far worse. This obviously added to the guilt and I didnt feel that this was a fair comment from him.
Things have been icy between me and him since, and I keep offering for them to message me when they are back at the carehome and I can leave my parents for a while and pop by to celebrate with them. I reassured my partner that I care about his feelings and can see how much this means to him.
He is refusing my offer and throwing it back at me with "I dont understand - you said you wanted to spend the time with your family, so now youre going to just leave them at some point through the day?" My parents are very flexible, and the nursing home is close by so it wouldnt be an issue. I feel like he knows this but now he is being awkward and stubborn.
I guess I am stuck in a rut of feeling guilty. I desperately want to do a little bit of both things, but he seems resistant to what I am offering and it is becoming emotionally draining.
I guess I just feel that with big occasions there seems to be no compromise on his part sometimes. He does come to my family events and is always happy to, just never on special occasions.
Am I being selfish and unreasonable? After going through this in my head 10000 times, it is nice to vent and get some opinions. Thank you.