Can I be honest? I hate being single!

[TodayIsNotMyDay]

I’m so damn lonely pretty much all of the time.

This is just a little confession, I have been feeling extra down lately and just wanted to get this out.

I was in the love being single brigade but always suspected once my DC left home it might lose its shine. This happened a couple of years ago and in the last six months or so I have started to feel lonely at times and as someone else said the having to navigate the ups and downs of life on your own is wearing.
I had a few relationships and was always with someone until my marriage ended 14 years ago and that first decade or so was a revelation at the positives of being single and I do still feel those things are true but ….
I think I have unrealistic expectations of men and that a man I would allow in my life doesn’t really exist or are few and far between. It took being single to wake up to how much nonsense I had endured from men and how patriarchal society is.
I don’t know what the answer is for me but when I stray off AIBU onto here and read some of the stories I just think nah I’m ok as I am.

I think it's key to remember you can feel lonely in a couple. If you want a partner there are plenty of men out there. They may not be very nice, but you won't be lonely.

Personally I am enjoying my own space and relishing not having to do the extra load in the evenings. I do miss someone to do things with but really it was always me planning and organising and paying for those things anyway. I do travelling by myself and am meeting up with a lot of singles in a few months for a shared hobby experience over 4 days. I think as well it often feels worse late at night, when tired, so always worth checking you're not just worn out!

Absolutely, I was far far lonelier in the last few years of being married than I ever feel now

There are pros and cons to being single and being in a relationship, I wouldn't say one is better than the other.

Life is a beautiful journey which is much more enjoyable if you travel accompanied.

Your feelings are justified.

And some of us genuinely don’t feel that a partner is essential. Not trying to convince anyone - how any individual feels is the right thing for them.

Love this ❤️❤️❤️

I also hate being single, particularly a single mother. It is so hard and lonely not having anyone to share parenthood with. Their father is useless and barely sees them. I don't miss being with him, but genuinely worry I could never meet anyone and that this could be it for me now....

I hate it too, always have. I feel sort of cut adrift when I’m single. I have had two long term relationships both of which were better than being single but they ended for different reasons. I miss sex, intimacy, somebody else to make decisions with, company, somebody to talk about boring everyday things you can’t discuss with friends. I have children, good friends, close family but I would love a partner again.

@Needlesstosay I am intrigued - if you were happier in those long term relationships why did they end?

This is how I feel, I’ve been told time and time again no one will want me now I have children, even then I can’t date anyway as have them with me full time, by the time they’ve grown up I’m not sure I will bother trying to meet anyone at that point I feel I will be too old to bother by then. Can’t relate to other single mums as they all say they love being on their own which is fair enough.

My last relationship ended after 2 years because he said he couldn't see a future with my children. I now have no faith that I will meet someone decent who I like and who will fully accept them. And like you by the time they are grown up I feel I will be past it anyway. I will be 40 this year and the quality of men on dating apps is a joke. It's just not how I wanted my life to turn out...

in both cases it wasn’t my decision! I was happy but they weren’t.

@TheMushroomFamily , I hear you ! While I totally get that we are not all the same , and many women love being single , I really didn’t like it . I was incredibly lonely especially in the evenings, all the self love in the world wasn’t going to change how I felt.

I am single again & loving it, but not all the time. I felt like Bridget Jones the other weekend at a wedding being the only single one.
I'm quite busy at the moment, but think I'll start to struggle next year when my youngest goes to Uni.
Not sure if I can be faffed with men atm, but that might be because I'm an aweful judge of character & my bar has been way too low.

@Toomanysquishmallows I can relate to what you are saying since this happens to me on weekends when all my couples friends are busy with their partners and families. But I have found having a busy social diary with work, other friends even social clubs have made it a lot easier for me.

I could have filled my week-nights three times over, but Weekends were tough and Bank Holidays worse. All my friends were married and keeping busy is hard work.

@Springtime43 I completely hear you. My family lives abroad, the few single friends I had are now all partnered up and moved out of London post COVID and I literally don’t have anyone to see most weekends. But I still work hard to find social activities to do and to get out of the house every single weekend.

This is why I am travelling all bank holidays and have at least two trips planned every month (just day trips sometimes) and have family or friends visiting a few weeks a year. Could you join at least one hobby or a class on the weekend? I did a pottery class on Sundays for two months and I am about to rejoin one. I am also trying to get some fitness level going to join the local park run on Saturdays.

@occhiazzurri thankfully I'm no longer single, and whilst there was quite a selection of things to do on Saturday mornings, and rest of the weekend was hard to fill. Probably due to living in a small town. If I hadn't met DH when I did, I would probably have volunteered with the National Trust, at least they're open on Sundays and Bank Holidays.

This is it for me keeping busy is hard work and if you don’t text people and constantly make arrangements you are by yourself.
My first decade was fine I was younger and so were my friends but now we all have less inclination for doing stuff and so I am on my own far too much. I really need more single friends in my area but annoyingly those I do have are not local.
I am trying to figure it out but I am not convinced a man is the answer