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Original poster

Excluded from trip by my sister

76 replies

OctoberCarrot · 02/03/2024 22:29

My sister and I have a love/hate relationship. She reaches out alot of day to day chit chat I listen to her problems. We see each other but I realise now it’s usually in a wider family setting.

Today she told me she’s going away with our sister in law. Blasé mentioned and when I asked why I wasn’t invited the usual BS excuse that she didn’t think I didn’t want to go and can go if I want…. Of course I don’t V want to go as an after thought.

I fucking hate her. She’s good to my kids which is why I keep seeing her. I’m sick of her being so inconsiderate. Is there any way of protecting myself while enduring she starts in touch with my kids

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 02/03/2024 22:32

Why can’t she go away with your sister-in-law? Do you do everything as a threesome?

This would be a complete non issue for me.

Landlubber2019 · 02/03/2024 22:34

I go out and away with both my sisters, but rarely do we all go together.

I know my sisters do things without me.

It's not an issue !

Wolfiefan · 02/03/2024 22:34

She’s allowed to go away with who she chooses.

Doyoumind · 02/03/2024 22:35

I also don't understand why you feel you should have been invited.

paininthebac · 02/03/2024 22:36

You can go away with sil too you know!

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 02/03/2024 22:37

Maybe she realises you "fucking hate her."

Or maybe you're all supposed to be grown ups and don't have to do everything together? Why do you get to dictate who she spends her time with?

Collywobblewobbles · 02/03/2024 22:38

Seems other posters are missing the point.

I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry you have such a difficult relationship with her. It's not easy when one side takes without giving anything back Flowers

Best advice I can give is to take a step back, find where your comfortable boundaries are: ones that allow you to maintain a relationship without pouring too much of yourself into it.

LIZS · 02/03/2024 22:53

Are you very young? Your reaction is ott, you could go but have determined not to.

DaftyLass · 02/03/2024 23:02

If you hate her, why do you want to go?

PinkIcedCream · 02/03/2024 23:11

Are you 12? Your response is childish and immature. If your sister and SIL want to do something together, why shouldn't they?

I'm guessing this is a reverse. 🤔

Opentooffers · 02/03/2024 23:14

Do you phone her back to chat? Reach out to her? Some siblings just see each other at family events, some are friends and see separately. Given you say you are in the former camp, perhaps it would be weird to go on hol together. Sounds like you are jealous of her friendship with your SIL, are you friends with her too? If so, you can invite her yourself to things, if not, then you don't have that kind of relationship.
"Can I come too, I'd quite fancy that?" Would of worked without losing face and it was good of her to say you could go despite being cross with her. I think you may be cutting off your nose to spite your face if genuinely interested in what they are doing together- or was it more about it not being with you?

Whatwoidoyoudo · 02/03/2024 23:18

Are this controlling with your friends too?

surely she can go away with whomever she wants.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 02/03/2024 23:19

So you fucking hate her but expect a holiday invite?

TeenLifeMum · 02/03/2024 23:22

I have 3 dd teens and occasionally two want to do something just the two of them because they have things in common they don’t have with dd3. They still love dd3 and sometimes she’s a bit sad she’s not in with them but then also acknowledges they have different tastes (music for example). I don’t understand why your sister is beholden to you and why she can’t do something with sil without you kicking off.

Noseybookworm · 03/03/2024 01:02

You sound like a petulant child. I'm not surprised she didn't invite you! And if you fucking hate her, why would you want to be invited anyway?

Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 03/03/2024 03:52

I don’t think my initial message correctly conveyed the hurt I’m feeling for justifiable reasons.

i fucking hate her was said because she always makes me feel excluded and I get drawn into her dramas to then be excluded.

I am constantly engaging with her - she calls me 4/5 times a week and I speak with her.

of course she’s entitled to go away with everyone and anyone she desires, I just feel left out and unwanted. That’s a crushing feeling. Crushing.

I would go NC as she’s not a positive influence in my life but my children love her.

I think I just need to regroup and work out how I can move forward protecting myself. And focusing on the friends I have who care and want to spend time with me.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 03/03/2024 03:55

I don't get the issue

ShyMaryEllen · 03/03/2024 04:00

Is your SIL your husband’s sister or your brother’s wife? If it’s the former I can understand why you might feel that your sister is treading on your toes - basically she would be muscling in on your nuclear family, and leaving you out. If it’s the latter (ie you and your sister have the same relationship with the SIL) then it’s nothing to do with you if they do things together. Maybe a bit hurtful, but not something you can justifiably complain about.

Happyinarcon · 03/03/2024 04:06

I would be a bit careful letting your kids see too much of her until you have worked out your relationship. Your kids will pick up on the hot and cold treatment you are getting and normalise it for their future friendships

IgoogledYOLO · 03/03/2024 04:06

Does your sister chat with you or dump on you?

Mine is the latter. Will tell me all about her day at work and her drive home and the dog (etc) and wouldn't ever ask how my pregnancy was going.

MN is foul at the moment. Vent away OP

foghead · 03/03/2024 04:11

Start distancing yourself from her. You don't need to take all those calls. Reject the call, text you're busy and will call back later. Call back later if you feel like it, don't bother if you don't.
Be more unavailable. Go out to places by yourself or with others.
Once she starts to have less power over you, you'll start resenting her less.

Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 03/03/2024 04:23

IgoogledYOLO · 03/03/2024 04:06

Does your sister chat with you or dump on you?

Mine is the latter. Will tell me all about her day at work and her drive home and the dog (etc) and wouldn't ever ask how my pregnancy was going.

MN is foul at the moment. Vent away OP

Edited

I suppose dumping on me….

OP posts:
Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 03/03/2024 04:25

foghead · 03/03/2024 04:11

Start distancing yourself from her. You don't need to take all those calls. Reject the call, text you're busy and will call back later. Call back later if you feel like it, don't bother if you don't.
Be more unavailable. Go out to places by yourself or with others.
Once she starts to have less power over you, you'll start resenting her less.

You’re right I need to be less available.

I know I’m being silly and childish. I feel very hurt. It’s the realisation that she actually doesn’t want a proper deep relationship with me as a person. That’s fine but I don't need to be her dumping on person to just deal with the shit in her life.

OP posts:
Original poster
OctoberCarrot · 03/03/2024 04:27

ShyMaryEllen · 03/03/2024 04:00

Is your SIL your husband’s sister or your brother’s wife? If it’s the former I can understand why you might feel that your sister is treading on your toes - basically she would be muscling in on your nuclear family, and leaving you out. If it’s the latter (ie you and your sister have the same relationship with the SIL) then it’s nothing to do with you if they do things together. Maybe a bit hurtful, but not something you can justifiably complain about.

It does feel hurtful which is why I’m on MN and I know I can’t do anything about it or stop them. I’m not a fool but it can still be hurtful to be excluded. A normal reaction I would have thought.

its our brothers wife.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 03/03/2024 04:34

Do you usually do things together, all three of you?

How didn’t e holiday come about? Was sister talking to sil and it just came up in conversation?