Excluded from trip by my sister

[OctoberCarrot]

My sister and I have a love/hate relationship. She reaches out alot of day to day chit chat I listen to her problems. We see each other but I realise now it’s usually in a wider family setting.

Today she told me she’s going away with our sister in law. Blasé mentioned and when I asked why I wasn’t invited the usual BS excuse that she didn’t think I didn’t want to go and can go if I want…. Of course I don’t V want to go as an after thought.

I fucking hate her. She’s good to my kids which is why I keep seeing her. I’m sick of her being so inconsiderate. Is there any way of protecting myself while enduring she starts in touch with my kids

I know I’m late to the party here but this just popped up and I wanted to share my perspective.

Hard to explain without being outing so the family relationships aren’t exactly as I’m saying them, but for ease.

My half sister had another sister too. They’re both the same relation to me.

Her and her sister’s (they are actual full sisters) relationship sounds very similar to the one you describe having with your sister. All of the ‘right’ things happen, MOH at wedding etc etc. But they are absolutely not on the same wavelength at all. One sister drives the other up the wall, and the one who is driven up the wall grudgingly grits her teeth, doesn’t let on, acts like the ‘proper’ sister etc but deep down really just doesn’t like her as a person. They are very different (wild understatement here). Their relationship doesn’t come naturally.

I have a cordial, friendly, make a polite effort relationship with one and the other is one of my closest friends. We don’t live locally (they do to each other, I live away and always have done). Our (sister 2 and I) kids are close in age, we holiday together, we do all sorts together. Sister 1 does not understand this at all, and probably feels similarly to you. We just naturally have a lot in common, our husbands are good friends, our kids are close in age.

She sees it as a slight I think (and we do make the effort to do things with her too) but it’s not - it’s the fact we have a genuinely strong friendship and enjoy time together and just happen to also be related.

It is more down to the fact they are ‘sisters’ ie that’s their relationship, it is a bond they’ll always share but they’re so not alike it is not a friendship of any kind. We just happen to be ‘half sisters’ (we aren’t but the actual relationship would be totally outing if they happened to read this!) but what we actually are in reality is very good friends who happen to be related.

It just appears to be offensive/exclusionary maybe from the outside when it’s not - they are not friends, we are friends. We do things that friends do.

I suspect it’s more like that. You’re her sister and she loves you for it, but you’re not her friend whereas she feels SIL is.