So fed up of dating

[voostomatic]

Beyond fed up with dating and the endless struggle to find anyone remotely compatible.

Doesn't matter what I do dating just never works and find the whole process a complete waste of time and energy.

I have to stay I don't find being single difficult and prefer it because it means life is more enjoyable.

I have never enjoyed the ups and downs of dating and I don't think at age 41 I ever will.
I have had short term relationships but they weren't right for me.

I just want to throw in the towel and just give up.

I really don't think I will ever meet anyone now and I do think you have to reach a point and say dating isn't for you and just doesn't work.

I spent my 30s looking for a relationship and what a complete fucking waste of time it was. I mean even if you did find someone the likelihood of it lasting in today's shitty society is zilch.

Dating, What a load of fucking old shit 😭

I think the apps have had their day in the sun. It was good in the early 2000s but people are fed up with the bad behaviour, and the illusion of endless choices that they present.
There's no accountability with meeting someone online.
At least if you meet someone IRL through work or friends you have a barometer of them, their background and their history.

Sounds like an extremely high maintenance attitude.

I think there are a lot of positives on this thread rather than 'anger':

• women realising that you can be happy without a partner and that we should not care about society's dodgy message that being single is somehow a failure
• as a result women no longer putting up with crap men and instead expecting to be treated correctly as full human beings and not just maids and sex toys.

I think OLD has had its days. It has made people lazy and see relationships as just another commodity and too many men confuse online dating with online porn...

Better to just live if a full life and if you meet someone in real life then great but if you don't your life does not have to revolve around a man.

I agree, and to be honest if there is any anger I think it’s completely justified and a reasonable reaction to the amount of abuse you’re just expected to tolerate on those apps.

I don’t want to believe all men are like that so rather than expose myself to it, I’d rather not know and have it cloud my opinion.

I really do think it’s the end for OLD and I for one can’t wait to see the current toxic dating culture die a well deserved death.

My friends who did OLD a few years ago say it’s a completely different beast post Covid. Think lockdown shifted a lot of things and fit OLD a lot of people Weston there just for someone to chat to with no intention of actually meeting and they’ve stayed on.

I do think as well online makes people brave/rude and they say things from behind their screen that they would dream of in real life.

Honestly some of the messages I’ve had from men are unbelievable- they would never speak to a woman like that in real life. Or if they did, they’d get laughed at or told to fuck off.

I agree there are a lot of creeps on OLD. But you can find some decent guys too. I met my now husband on Tinder at 31. I was just about to give up OLD for a 6 month break as after a good run of half decent men, I started only getting the rude abusive twats. So glad I gave it an extra fortnight!

If I was ever single again, I'd use the apps without hesitation. I'd just be prepared for the abuse beforehand, which I was naive about the first time.

Surely being terrified of being pressured is not a bad thing? First sign of ‘pressure’ and I’m off!

Yeah likewise, but not to the extent you need to pre-empt it on a profile!

it just says to me ‘don’t have any expectations!’ When written upfront on a profile.

Some of the stories on here about OLD give me the horrors

Majority of men are disgusting.

Sounds like an extremely high maintenance attitude.

And you sound like most of the men on dating apps!

I met my boyfriend online last autumn.

What he and I had in common was both hating the app and feeling fed up with the types we were meeting of both sexes. What kept me going was the thought there was someone out there who felt the same way, even if a needle in a haystack.

OP, I'd take app breaks when you need them and otherwise do in person hobbies too.

I'm 44, OP, married and child free.
Should I be left on my own, dating would be the last thing I'd throw my time and energy into! 😊

Bar a couple of short 2 -5 month flings, I was single for nearly 10 years after marriage broke up in my mid/late 30s.

I didn't ever see dating apps as a way of meeting someone. Just so artifical.

I dated a friend of some friends for a couple of years which didn't work out and then I started seeing someone I'd done a hobby with for a few years. He proposed last night! I'm 49.

The 'some friends' are people I met about 7 years ago when I started going out to see live bands in local pubs on my own.

My advice based on my personal experience would be to give up dating apps and go out, have fun and meet people.

If you meet someone doing something you enjoy, then the chances are, they enjoy it too. Far better than trying to connect with men who are a photo and a few words on a screen.

My 25 yo son has given up on dating apps following the realisation that the sort of woman he wants to meet is the sort who goes out, has friends, fun, interests, hobbies and engages with life. Not the sort who is sitting at home and trawling through dating apps looking for a relationship.

That's exactly the sort of man I wanted to meet too.

I think this is the reason I still want my ex back. Better the devil you know. The thoughts of starting out again gives me chest pains.

By that analogy it's same for the women

I gave up a long time ago. OLD never felt right anyway. I am too old fashioned, I prefer to meet someone and feel the spark.

although the ones I felt the spark with turned out to not be such great options

Happy now to live in my own company and just enjoy life as it comes

I think the main difference is that women will engage in self reflection and ask what they can do differently next time. They work on themselves.

Men, in the main, don't do that.

So you are left with 40something+ women who have established boundaries, know what they want from a relationship, have 'grown up', had therapy to deal with childhood trauma etc and who have made a lot of self improvements.

And they are then left with a choice of similarly aged men who have done no work on themselves, are repeating old patterns of behaviour and with a belief that they should be able to go back and enjoy the benefits of being with a 25 year old thinking that the only reason their long term relationship failed was because their ex was x, y or z.

Benefits of a 25-year-old. I'm not quite following.

I am now living with the nicest man I have ever met. And I met him online.

I am 56 and enjoyed dating. Not in the beginning but when I had adjusted my attitude, I found it interesting meeting lots of different people, even if we were totally unsuited.

I always met people after a couple of messages for a short date. And I only went on dating apps for a month at a time, when they sent me price offers. A month was about my limit and then I would have a couple of months off before I got bored again.

I didn't think I would ever live with anyone again, I was just bored and wanted to meet new people. I am quite a nosy person so enjoyed finding out about someone else's life.

I also love getting ready for dates, so that aspect appealed to me. I did have a few horrible experiences but the good outweighed the bad and I think it would have done so even without meeting the man I ended up with.

Benefits of a 25-year-old. I'm not quite following.

Do we need to spell it out?

Yes please. I don't get it either.

OK. In their heads, the 25 year old(s) they believe they will find will be beautiful with slim, taut, nubile bodies with firm, perky breasts.

They will both not be menopausal and in their sexual prime.

They will be sexually willing.

Other men will admire them for having such a 'creature' on their arm.

That is what many men imagine lies out there for them once they are free of the mother of their children and long term partner and they are excited about claiming one of them for their own.

That's why so many of them have age ranges such 18+ or 18 - 35 on their profiles despite being 47+ themselves.

Sad but true

I 100% disagree with this sexist drivel

You've literally made up this idea of men not working on themselves while women get therapy

I’ve also had older men say that women 20 years their junior don’t give them grief like ones their own age do - translated to more likely to put up with there BS that more experienced women will call them out on.