So fed up of dating

[voostomatic]

Beyond fed up with dating and the endless struggle to find anyone remotely compatible.

Doesn't matter what I do dating just never works and find the whole process a complete waste of time and energy.

I have to stay I don't find being single difficult and prefer it because it means life is more enjoyable.

I have never enjoyed the ups and downs of dating and I don't think at age 41 I ever will.
I have had short term relationships but they weren't right for me.

I just want to throw in the towel and just give up.

I really don't think I will ever meet anyone now and I do think you have to reach a point and say dating isn't for you and just doesn't work.

I spent my 30s looking for a relationship and what a complete fucking waste of time it was. I mean even if you did find someone the likelihood of it lasting in today's shitty society is zilch.

Dating, What a load of fucking old shit 😭

I tried OLD after a break up.
I'd been with my ex five years, had a child, they left and it's been me and my.DD ever since.

I realised eventually that all the people I met, I didn't really fancy any of them or wanted to be with any of them.

I think there's an expectation in society that people will be in couples, that single people must be wanting a partner or there's something wrong with them.

Well, once I ditched living to try and fill an expectation I didn't agree with, dating stopped, I got a dog and raised my kid and life is good.

I'll not date again. Anyone wanting to be my partner would have to be the single most amazing person in history...
If they don't add to my life in some way, they don't belong in my life in any way, and as my life is great as it is, why would I allow anyone to drag it down?
Basic maths ennit? If your life is an 8 or 9 out of 10, it's gonna take someone very good to add a point... Anyone less than that will rake points away. 🤪

'I have a pretty prestigious job.'

Men don't care about this stuff. In fact I think it puts them off. They don't want to feel emasculated, even the 'good' guys subconsciously.

And women who earn more than the men they're dating do even more of the 'wife work' than those that earn less. Presumably again to make up for men's fragile egos.

Depressing but standard.

I think you're most likely to meet someone in the normal course of life rather than by "dating". That's how everyone I know met their partners. I met mine on a training course. DD met hers at work etc.

Oh I agree, and I took my title off my profile in the end. But even then the amount of men asking me to ‘prove myself’ was unreal.

men’s greatest fear with OLD is being catfished and for women it’s being physically unsafe. Sad but true.

Or "Y'all should smile more, you look quite pretty when you smile"

@Doglegs I think this is true for the men who are looking for casual sex only since the job won’t make a difference to their objective. And I guess that makes up the majority of middle aged men on OLD.

However, my most recent and very brief stint on OLD showed me that middle aged men care about my job more than I expected - I omitted it from my profile (only university was referenced) and it was without a fail one of the first few questions I got asked. I thought was they were looking for someone better off financially to afford them a lifestyle they couldn’t afford post divorce. I am in finance and would have thought that’d put many people off but many people seemed a lot more interested after they found it. My theory is they were either narcissists (most likely) or in financial distress.

@occocchiazzurri interesting. No one on old has ever asked me about my job before general chit chat when we've actually met. Or maybe I haven't noticed.

It that we should think ‘cracking tits love’ as an opening message is a compliment and be flattered

@Doglegs I was truly surprised! I even received a few compliments (where the man messaged first) and their first question was what my job was.

Me neither. Only very briefly in passing but it’s been just part of general chat and not connected on other than that.

Peak MN 😄

In response to a comment that all pretty much all men seemed to be angry (I’ve noticed is how bloody angry they are at women. The hate is like, palpable) I only pointed out that there seems to be fair amount of anger on this thread. It's not a zero sum game.

Am afraid "Oh surprise surprise. A man has appeared to tell us ..." sounds a tad sneery as well.

Still, I will watch the thread with interest. My own mixed experiences of OLD I will keep to myself.

:)

It does happen but it’s rarer.

I’ve met men on music nights in pubs recently and 2 weren’t even there for the music! A friend of mine started a new job and commute and met at 38/39 her DH on the train home, they’d gone to high school girl and boy schools in the same area but he was in year below. They’re now married with a DD. Some men I’ve met volunteering and I’ve had men approach me when i stayed at DB’s flat in Hackney. Either singles living in same block or in the area. I’ve not necessarily taken any of these up though as sometimes I’ve not been single.

I’m talking in the context of dating and online dating as that’s what this thread is about.

and I pointed out that for women, anger directed at them from men is physically dangerous. It’s generally not in the same way for you.

and yes I am ‘a tad sneery’ because why are women not allowed just a small space where we can offer solidarity to one another without men coming along and pointing out that we’re essentially ‘equally at fault’ without any true appreciation of the very real risks we have to navigate when dealing with men?

what was the point in your comment? You didn’t come on to offer your own experiences. You commented to imply it was an ‘equal’ problem and it just isn’t for the reason I’ve mentioned above.

I did do OLD a lot in my 30s, met a few men for relationships but the dregs are on there, the ones who you can tell they shouldn’t be in a relationship, same goes for women though.

I got divorced 10 years ago, and I've been trying OLD for about 9 years. I've now finally reached the point when I can't be bothered with it anymore. I have a great job, good social life, love travelling solo and I'm perfectly happy on my own. I don't think any man would be able to enhance what I have. For many years, I thought a man would be a good addition to my life, but I was wrong.

I've had 100s of first dates. About a dozen second or third dates. A handful of short lived relationships.... that's it. I'll spare myself the disappointment of meeting yet another insecure, inadequate or impotent man.

I'm with you OP and I'm 28. It's so tiring. It really gets me down at times.

Agree. I started chatting to a 48 yr old guy this week. Seemed nice and polite and gentlemanly. I found his Facebook profile (I always do a a bit of a background check!) and his Facebook was filled with dozens and dozens of stupid anti feminist memes, jokes around women should be In the kitchen making sandwiches, the menopause, international women’s day. Like his entire profile was dedicated to jokes about women! Gross. So I quickly unmatched him

It's strange. I'm in my 50s and I've internet dated, must have met about 10 guys. 2 I had relationships with, one was fun but a bit too wild, and the rest were dull/no spark. Ones that seemed angry, I just laughed at with my mates and scrolled on bye, or blocked pretty quickly.

I went on a date with a man in his 50’s who just moaned about ‘bloody menopausal woman’ and how it can’t be that bad they should just crack on with it.

Poor you bloke - it must be a nightmare 🙄

Ive been single for years Im so happy on my own id rather be single for the rest of my life.
Ive learned a lot about myself being single and reading MN makes me think im lucky.
I was treated to crawl by my last 2 relationships i dont want anyone else.
Not all men are a waste of space there is some really good ones out there but I'm happy being me and single.

If i was to meet someone it would be the old way outside by chance not online.
But for me i just dont see that happening.
I dont like sex never have.
Dont want to compromise.
Dont want to change my lifestyle around someone else.
I can do what i want when i want.
I enjoy the peace.
Plus i can live a little bit selfish because theres just me to care about.
No anxiety no drama.
If i want to up and go to spain for a week i can if i want to stay indoors for a month i can no one to tell me otherwise.

I don't do friends with benefits or lets see where things bollocks

But what is dating if not seeing where things go? It's a way of finding people to meet to see how you get on. I don't want full commitment from the outset, because we might not get on well enough. It might take more than one date to know if you want to commit. Dating is often going to be lots of first dates, because most guys aren't going to make it - even if they're nice enough, that doesn't mean you can see a future with them. There are lots of rubbish men out there- but there are some lovely ones as well.

I go dating- if it stops being fun (even the bad dates make for funny stories) I take a break. I've plenty else going on in my life- dating is there to enhance it, not replace anything. But it's not worth getting angry over. Put your energy into something useful. It really isn't worth getting bitter about it.

Well I think ‘seeing how it goes’ is implied. Of course no one is ready to commit straight off the bat.

But to me if someone puts this on their OLD profile it highlights that they’re not actually looking for anything serious. Like they’re terrified of being ‘pressured’. That’s just the impression I get.

Oh yes, I don't have it on my dating profile. It's entirely superfluous there.