So fed up of dating

[voostomatic]

Beyond fed up with dating and the endless struggle to find anyone remotely compatible.

Doesn't matter what I do dating just never works and find the whole process a complete waste of time and energy.

I have to stay I don't find being single difficult and prefer it because it means life is more enjoyable.

I have never enjoyed the ups and downs of dating and I don't think at age 41 I ever will.
I have had short term relationships but they weren't right for me.

I just want to throw in the towel and just give up.

I really don't think I will ever meet anyone now and I do think you have to reach a point and say dating isn't for you and just doesn't work.

I spent my 30s looking for a relationship and what a complete fucking waste of time it was. I mean even if you did find someone the likelihood of it lasting in today's shitty society is zilch.

Dating, What a load of fucking old shit 😭

I hear you.

I honestly think the majority of men go on there to abuse women and may or may not try and get some easy sex at the same time.

I’m 34, I’d say above average looks and I have a pretty prestigious job. I flat out get men refusing to believe I exist and have a go at me for catfishing them before we’ve even met. I even gave a guy the link to my LinkedIn profile once because he was literally grilling me and he still believed I was faking it. I mean, to what end?? Because you’re such a catch I’ll literally fake an entire persona just so I can meet you??

I’ve also been called a c*nt. Loads of men don’t even bother to message you first - it’s just there on their profiles.

the whole thing is mental.

I'm so with you all on this. Last relationship ended last July and just the thought of online dating again - ugh 😩 No thank you...
Like a previous poster, I'm getting out, not with a view of meeting someone but to socialise - I volunteer with a couple of groups and also run with my local running club. It would be lovely to meet someone but at this point, I'm not hopeful.

You don't think there is a certain anger on this thread?

@Offwiththecircus

Seems like a lot of women have come across disgusting men in their pasts. I am not angry at all, but I've had not one decent relationship where the men haven't been addicts (wasn't aware when we got together), cheats, physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive, narcissists, selfish, inconsiderate, gaslighting and deceitful liars, because of that, I have made the executive decision to stop trying and giving my all to men who simply don't deserve it. My last relationship broke me and it took months of trauma counselling to get to the happy and content place of where I am now.

Online dating is freaking scary. I did post about this the other day, I look at men and think 'will they be chopping me up and scattering me around the country?', not just that, I met someone online, I was with him for 5 months and we were FaceTiming one day and I saw some women's shoes by his back door... turned out, he had a long term partner..... I had NO CLUE! I obviously ended it immediately. I've been on and off online dating since 2012 and I've only met one man who I am now best friends with and have been for nearly 11 years, The rest of the blokes I have dated have been problematic in many ways.

I don't need, want or miss a man in my life, I don't need to deal with the shit that comes with a relationship, I'm too old and too perimenopausal to cope with a man.

Anyone who often feels the need to express their anger/resentment/disappointment at the opposite sex is unlikely to have a successful dating experience.

Oh surprise surprise. A man has appeared to tell us we are the angry ones 😂

it’s not anger. As @lovenamechanges has pointed out, online dating for women is downright terrifying. And somehow, despite how shocking it all is and how abusive some of these men are, I’ve still been able to not litter my profile with a load of misandrist comments.

And another one. It’s our fault ladies. We should try being more amenable and less ‘disappointed’. Then we wouldn’t get called c*nts by complete strangers.

So 15+ years ago, before dating apps etc, people MUST have met partners by natural causes?? Does that never happen anymore, and if not, why not?

@PinkEasterbunny Because as a society we are leading increasingly solitary, lonely lives.

Community is vanishing. People used to meet in pubs. Now look how many local pubs are closing! People used to meet at work, now so many people wfh.

It's a very sad state of affairs. I'm a mid 40s lone parent and pretty much resigned to ending up alone. It makes me very depressed sometimes but I really can't see my situation changing.

If it isn't making you happy OP, just stop.

I dated from 18-48. Thirty years effort to meet men who were lazy, selfish, controlling or more interested in my finances. Including ds's dad.

So I just stopped. Problem solved. I have hobbies and a career, a house. A nice life. If an intelligent appealing man wandered into my life, then that would be nice, but otherwise, it's no great loss. 🙂

i feel exactly the same!!! I have a lovely life and career, I’m am not considered unattractive I’m very confident in myself but where are the good men at? Ideally meeting through friends, work or on a night out would be great but even in then the approach is often sleazy

I understand what your saying but as a 41 year old male and a single parent to 6 children, not all the decent men are gone. Not all men are after sex,
To be honest I'd love the aspect of just adult interaction.

I deliberately used gender neutral language

Can't understand why you are desperate to be offended

There are a lot of obnoxious people in the world. Some are male, some are female. Deal with it.

No of course not. But I just really believe the OLD is not the place to find them.

I’m a naturally positive person and I actually really believe in love. But I just think when something is making you miserable, and you find you’re actually just being abused in your own home where you should be safe, it’s best to just remove yourself from the situation.

sigh not at all. I really think you fail to appreciate this is not just about ‘obnoxious’ people. As the PP said, it’s a safety thing for women and as a man that’s probably something you don’t fully appreciate. So it’s kind of annoying when men start posting things like this, implying that we’re equally ‘at fault’.

Most men on dating apps are either incels or players. Most decent men don't need dating apps and are in relationships or might not want one.

The rest are married men in sexless relationships looking for a shag.

I did internet dating when it was in its infancy and it wasn’t as bad as it is today. The men who were pricks were perhaps just more obvious. It has become a place where the men who seem to actively dislike women hang out. They need women but don’t want them IYSWIM and want to put as little effort as possible in to get sex.
I have a genuinely beautiful, kind, funny and solvent friend who is fruitlessly dating online for a year now and her stories have put me off ever going online again. She gets mainly users, elaborate liars and downright knobs. Perhaps the format has had its day in our current society for older people. It doesn’t seem to work at all. Yea, you hear the odd story of someone meeting their life partner - but it’s a very small percentage.

Serious question OP, why even bother, dating isn’t compulsory! If you don’t enjoy it, don’t mind (and in fact prefer) being single, then why waste your time?
I think those who are very happily single will probably find dating harder, cos it’s too much of a gamble to potentially have to give up the happy single lifestyle. I don’t bother anymore cos I’m too busy with other stuff, have plenty of friend to do things with, and though I’d be open to casual dating with someone who understands I always want to live alone, it’s just not important enough for me to make the effort.

I've started to compile a record of the most spectacularly 'off' things that dates have said or done, for my own amusement. Some of the more spectacular include...

Discussion on fourth date, about what we want from life - he, in all seriousness said 'I want to live in your house'. I thought he was joking. He wasn't.

On arriving at the flat of man on second date, 10 minutes late after getting caught behind an rta. He opened the door and said ' You're late, where the fuck have you been?'

On arranging a fourth date, I invited man to a barbecue at mine, to meet one other couple. I asked if there was anything he wouldn't eat, which I thought was basic good manners. He said 'oh, I only eat chicken.' I thought he meant he didn't eat red meat (fair enough) but he meant he ONLY ate chicken. Every......single.....meal.

Man I had seen four times, been to my house once, turned up on my doorstep unannounced on a Sunday afternoon when he should have been at Heathrow catching a flight for work. He said "I have a stinking cold so I've called in sick. Now I can spend the week here." He seemed surprised I might not want to spend the week with his germs.

😂😂😂

I agree with this. My friends and I were talking about how as we’re older (50’s) and got a brilliant circle and social lives, then a man would have to really add something extra to the good lives we already have.

I don’t want to live with anyone again and I’m not going to give up my holidays, nights out and weekends with my friends so I would have to meet someone who is equally happy with their own lives and work around that but so far the men I’ve met since my divorce want to take up all of my time and get the hump if I’m doing stuff without them so they’re not for me.

I sometimes wonder if it sounds selfish but there must be a man out there with a similar lifestyle who wants same sort of relationship. If not I’d rather stay single

I once had a man tell me he got fed up with a pigeon making a noise outside his bedroom window so he killed it with a screwdriver 🫣

@PinkLemonade555 😳

I wish I was joking.

@Meadowfinch 😯

@Meadowfinch

Your dates sounds about as good as mine 🤣

My single friends and I have a WhatsApp group sharing screenshots of terrible OLD messages and telling tales of dreadful dates.

It’s hilarious and fucking depressing at the same time.