Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

@LindaHamilton mentioned my date was young as shorthand for having no commitments like child maintenance or a mortgage. Just a big, well paid job in tech as mentioned.

Why so aggro?

@gannett She WFH so I guess took unofficial time off. Five hours did include getting the house ready too tbf, I'm not sure I'd want a bloke staying over at mine either without a couple of hours prep to tidy/clean/change sheets etc

This. Of course women’s earning potential and career trajectory suffer when she produces a literal human being.

So because I asked you a question it is aggro?

Hang on...what did you do?? Did you pay it??

Agree with all of this. I would think it bizarre behaviour to be haggling about £3.50 whoever I was having coffee with.

For meals it's different as obviously more of an expense but I don't do restaurants on first couple of dates anyway.

But tbh at my great age (40s) I'd rather any bloke I got involved with was ok wrt finances anyway. They've certainly had enough time! Obviously disasters happen, things go wrong money wise and so on - but in that case what are you doing advertising yourself online? You need to be putting your energies into sorting yourself out, not going to bloody Nandos.

Other women probably think differently and that's fine too - we'll each date who we like.

Why would I want to accommodate someone just because of their looks when I'd find such a big thing about them unattractive?

Especially when men out there exist who are good looking and not old fashioned, I married one of them.

Im in my 50’s and alternate rounds always been the norm even 30 odd years ago when I last dated.

I always offer to split the bill now. Tbh the vast majority of times, they’ll say no and they’ll pay the bill but that’s a nice to have not an expectation.. I would always be ready and willing to go alternate rounds. I think anyone going on a date and not even offering a contribution is grabby and stingy - male or female. It’s just bloody rude and entitled imo.

Didn't have to wait long for the MN hypocrisy squadron to arrive, would it bleed if a man expected to be kept by a woman?

Guy i was dating...i was in essence a money pit to him...straw that broke...?
We were meeting for lunch together... We met up...i ordered drink and food and he just said im ok im not hungry thirsty...we had planned lunch date...i bought his lunch anyway because i knew he was always hungry.. came out he had bought new version of Xbox even though he had one and was skint..take into account he lived with parents still age 34... And we organised to save months before to save to live together. I got wise real quick that day.

But they're not? At all?

They're not incongruous with being unable to afford two dinners at restaurant prices these days and suggesting a walk instead. They're not incongruous with expecting to split the bill. They're not incongruous with being a high earner who's wary of being taken advantage of.

True generosity can only really show once you've got to know someone properly.

It's funny to see this incel trope on MN of all places. There's a very simple explanation for the phenomenon that you're suggesting. On the one hand yes, part of what cuts the difference between creepy and charming is whether you are into it, and part of whether you're into it might depend on how physically attractive you find them. Something like suddenly trying to hold your hand over the table will be welcome if you're already attracted. This is just obvious. It weirds incels out because in general incel men find more women attractive enough to get physical with compared to how many men women find attractive (very generally speaking). Women are a lot more "choosy" in the sense that they are attracted to a lower percentage of men. So incels struggle to understand why you might like something from one man but not another. And crucially they struggle to understand that what makes the difference between something being creepy or not is whether it is welcome and invited.

But actually the phenomenon is exaggerated anyway. I would not be attracted to a man who insisted on paying because what makes someone physically attractive to me is how their values and personalities align with mine. I wouldn't be attracted to a man who called me a bitch for example. Have you ever had that experience of a man you'd barely noticed suddenly become madly attractive once they start saying intelligent things or showing kindness or whatever you're into? It's the "band member effect". Obviously the reverse happens too. I've had it happen before my eyes, literally felt the attraction drain away as a man says something casually sexist.

It's also very disingenuous to say that women "treat men differently" based on how they look, and then go on to cite that the difference is how attracted to them you are and so how likely to date them. Well of course in the dating world we treat men who we find very attractive differently, we're trying to signal to them that we're into it. And we should!! That doesn't mean that in general I'd treat men differently based on how they look.

I think I would only pay for myself in that situation if someone was so determined not to pay for themselves

I'd love to know how he was going to justify that to his accountant.

by the looks of this thread none, but then I think the same about short men. I have heard multiple women both on here and in real life ridicule and criticise short men saying they'd not date a man under 6 foot...

They seem to think it's a perfectly fine thing to say openly. But when men do this saying they'd only date thin women....

@LindaHamilton get your mind off Brad Pitt, you’re clearly paying him more mind than the user you’re kicking off at

said he was on meeting with client.

Anyone can date who they want, no one is telling men to date fat women or telling women to date short men.

missing the point, he represents the image of male beauty perfection so was using in in the metaphorical sense...not that it's your business really.

Oh dear, my exh never took me on a proper date, we were mostly meeting in our apartments, sometimes go for coffee but that was all. When we had or first child he was complaining how we never go out and so we started going out maybe once a month. I think we went twice for dinner and then the third time he suggested we go for a coffee instead of a dinner, because, its about spending time together after all, not spending money? So, we went to Starbucks and ordered coffee (cheapest one of course), sat for an hour or so and then went for a walk.

It was winter and cold so we had to go inside and once more, he suggested coffee, back for another Starbucks. It was then I decided we forget about going out as there is no point. Drinking coffee late at night and freezing my ass off walking around the town was not my type of fun. I would much rather sit at home, watch a movie and drink cheap beer, which is what we did, more or less, for the next two and a half decades, when finally, I decided I could not take it anymore and ditched him. Oh, how I wish I did it twenty five years ago when I was young and full of life.

Brad Pitt looks like a seedy beach bum.

A point was made in reply to that, on this public forum, that you chose to ignore 😂 Get a grip

ofcourse they can but it's only ok for women to say they only date x,y and z or set goal posts. When men do this it's a cardinal sin and sexist/misogynist and so on.

Your whole premise is flawed, given our patriarchal society sets impossible beauty standards for women, not men. Men think they have the right to call women they have never met before ‘fat cunts’. When’s the last time you heard of a woman doing the same?

yea please tell us how you'd reject him and much rather go for a Danny deVito type instead...