Page 11 | Stories of stingiest first dates

frtedsbed · 2024-02-29T15:02:31+00:00

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff! Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks. I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite. Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

Elber · 29/02/2024 22:17

Heard through a friend : the guy took his date to the local hospital cafe because he knew the food there was cheap.

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:17

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:14

Why wouldn't men not earning a lot struggle? Does having a penis make you immune to being broke?>

Oh sorry I forgot that if you are a man on mn that men are the enemy remember.

If they walk behind you they are terrifying you,
if they want to be sensible with cash they are financially abusive,
if they are pissed of over something they are bullies,
if a group of men socializes together they are being misogynistic and spend their time belittling women and just talking about women, nothing else.
if any double standard against men is called out on mn or a poster is being nasty to one it's ok as men have caused all the problems in the world since time began so every man must pay,

6.if they are white they are very privileged and live in a mansion...
7.If they chat to a woman in any way they are creeps.
8.if they leave a dirty cup out then LTB.

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No I meant they’re hardly struggling with women.

I don’t hate men, at all. I am lucky enough to know some really lovely decent men. But I don’t hate women either, and I’m merely pointing out that in the round, ‘50:50’ benefits men more than women.

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:19

MotherofAllMatriarchs · 29/02/2024 22:11

The fella who asked me to a gig (think it was the third date or so) and then asked me to transfer him £12.50 for my ticket.

Wouldn’t have minded if money was tight but he was a young guy with a very good job working in tech! Put me right off!

Why is he being young relevant? Surely being young means he earned significantly less than his older counterparts?

Notamum12345577 · 29/02/2024 22:19

Orab · 29/02/2024 22:11

Can't say it's any concern of mine whether "good men" who I don't know and certainly don't have any responsibility towards get laid or not.

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Who is talking about just getting laid? How about a relationship and love?

toffeecocomars · 29/02/2024 22:20

ScottishShortie · 29/02/2024 16:06

Not a first date but a few in was my birthday went out for what I thought was lunch and drinks. But he said he could only afford drinks. I was starving so went to a bakers and bought a cheese pasty. He bought nothing. I opened it, started eating it and he asked could he have a bite 😂😂 he had plenty of money for pints just not enough to buy his own pastie clearly 😂

He asked for a bite? Hahaha I'm done

Orab · 29/02/2024 22:20

Elber · 29/02/2024 22:17

Heard through a friend : the guy took his date to the local hospital cafe because he knew the food there was cheap.

LOL

Did he round off the evening with a wee serenade? Girlfriend In A Coma perhaps?

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:20

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:17

No I meant they’re hardly struggling with women.

I don’t hate men, at all. I am lucky enough to know some really lovely decent men. But I don’t hate women either, and I’m merely pointing out that in the round, ‘50:50’ benefits men more than women.

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Many men struggle to attract women you know. If you aren't an attractive male, don't earn well or are not an outgoing personality then many women don't want you.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 29/02/2024 22:20

coldcallerbaiter · 29/02/2024 19:59

I just don’t get it. I was dating back in the dinosaur days, always split the bill, with every bf.

A real learning curve for me too. Last dated over 30 years ago. First date or two always in a pub alternating rounds .

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:21

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:20

Many men struggle to attract women you know. If you aren't an attractive male, don't earn well or are not an outgoing personality then many women don't want you.

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Ok and what, should we start a charity fundraiser or something?

Orab · 29/02/2024 22:22

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:20

Many men struggle to attract women you know. If you aren't an attractive male, don't earn well or are not an outgoing personality then many women don't want you.

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So what?

Orab · 29/02/2024 22:22

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:21

Ok and what, should we start a charity fundraiser or something?

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Hahaha 🤣

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:24

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:21

Ok and what, should we start a charity fundraiser or something?

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Did I say that? And seen as you seem to stupid to see my point, let me explain it. Men on mn are presented as all being privileged Brad Pitts or David Beckhams driving around in their Ferraris with women falling at their feet and earning 300k...

For many men hat's not a reality.

EmmaEmerald · 29/02/2024 22:25

@Moonlightandroses44 "I’m merely pointing out that in the round, ‘50:50’ benefits men more than women."

But when you're on a date, you're out with an individual. Is it fair to treat them as a part of a statistical issue (which I don't know is even correct or what parameters you'd use to define it).

You say you hate how OLD has changed things. I have never done OLD and I think it's a had a weird effect on society as a whole actually. Or is that social media? Not sure.

But as a woman who did a little bit of dating in the days before OLD, I thought 50:50 was a norm.

PingvsPong · 29/02/2024 22:25

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:15

Please stop likening men buying a woman dinner to prostitution. Come on. It’s not ‘throwing money’ at a woman to take her out and treat her nicely so she feels valued and cared for.

and I agree with you to an extent, but I think OLD is literally the absolute pits. I hate what it’s done in society. Dating has become a toxic shit show. All dating should be a genuine attempt to impress, and not this weird ‘game’ where no one is invested, is constantly looking for something better, and uses it as an excuse to treat people as if they’re almost subhuman. The whole thing is demoralising and dehumanising.

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You've missed the key point. It's not about a man buying a woman dinner, or treating her nicely.
It's about doing all that for someone he's never met before, and apart from some photos/texts he has no idea what she's going to be like. As PP have also said. You might meet and not click at all, the appeal might just not be there in person. Why bother?

Also I find it ironic that you hate OLD and call it a 'game' when you are the one displaying gaming behaviour, insisting that one party needs to 'genuinely' attempt to 'impress'. The moment there is some attempt well it's not genuine is it. Why? Why can't people just be themselves, trying to be humble and learn more about each other. And see where it takes them?

If a man has not bought me anything by the third date , or shown any generosity in other ways I dump him. But not the first date.

IME only about 1/3rd of first dates progressed, there were some stinkers yes but mainly reasons that were not anybody's fault.

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:31

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 22:07

Yeah and that’s fine but I’m not bothered about dating them or procreating with them because they’re not offering anything I can’t provide for myself and probably with a lot less stress.

the thing is as well it isn’t a money issue per se. It’s a mindset and attitude issue. If a man can’t demonstrate some generosity in the early stages of dating, is he going to later down the line? Am I going to feel safe with him?

probably not.

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ok so you basically only date men who earn well... funny how that's fine for women to say here but when men do it on mn they are cocklodgers.

What you are saying is akin to a man saying he only dates hot women and we know how well a comment like that would go down on mn. Utter hypocrisy and double standards on this thread...

PingvsPong · 29/02/2024 22:32

EmmaEmerald · 29/02/2024 22:25

@Moonlightandroses44 "I’m merely pointing out that in the round, ‘50:50’ benefits men more than women."

But when you're on a date, you're out with an individual. Is it fair to treat them as a part of a statistical issue (which I don't know is even correct or what parameters you'd use to define it).

You say you hate how OLD has changed things. I have never done OLD and I think it's a had a weird effect on society as a whole actually. Or is that social media? Not sure.

But as a woman who did a little bit of dating in the days before OLD, I thought 50:50 was a norm.

I have also seen arguments that 'women spend more getting ready for a date' blah2. Bullshit, nobody's forced you babe.
I love makeup and nice clothes but I never bothered on the first date with OLD. My usual tinted moisturiser and lip balm which I wear daily anyway. Hardly breaking the bank. No problem getting dates.

But, unlike other PP I don't try to erm 'impress' on the first date. I figure, if someone cares THAT much about how I look they're not worth it. The men were actually somewhat stunned when they discovered how well I scrubbed up on date #N+2....

BanjoOnThePorch · 29/02/2024 22:32

“Encouraged” not made to go on a day out with my Ddads boss’s son… he took me up a mountain on a silly little train in the rain and thick fog in October☹️ He’d brought soggy sandwiches. Then he drove me home - via the bank… and stopped the car… for me to get out £5 (back in 1983) “for my half of the petrol” - for a date I never wanted to go on!!
Dismal.
I made my DDad give the the £5 back and said HE could go on the next date!😡

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/02/2024 22:35

I've always insisted on splitting bills when it comes to first dates. I wouldn't date someone who insisted on paying, the date would immediately be over.

Sotiredmjmmy · 29/02/2024 22:35

Jennyjojo5 · 29/02/2024 15:43

Date with a relatively wealthy guy (just drinks as I don’t do dinner for first dates, in case I don’t like the person). Throughout the date he said multiple times that he wants to see me for a second date, when am I free etc etc. then when the bill came he told the waiter to split it. He had a coke and I had had a glass of wine! When we left, he tried to hold my hand as we walked out back to our cars, then said again how much he’d like to see me again..

i blocked him the min I got home.. stingy as hell

Ummm and you didn’t offer to pay the bill because…?

2under4 · 29/02/2024 22:35

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 16:46

Whatever works for you is fine. I don’t need buying a drink because I’m helpless. It’s something I’d appreciate as an act of generosity from someone who is demonstrating they value me and my time.
if that makes me sexist and outdated I’m totally happy with that. If a man couldn’t or wouldn’t buy me a glass of wine I would assume he wasn’t interested in me. Because to be honest, if he was, he would just buy the glass of wine. It’s a glass of wine.

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Yes, absolutely.

If I was out with my mum, or a friend, I wouldn't ask them for money back for one drink!

But to each their own - the people who are are fine with tightness, can keep those charmers for themselves.

BirthdayRainbow · 29/02/2024 22:37

It's not that some women expect men to pay because they are men, but that they generally get paid more than women so have more spare/fun cash.

LindaHamilton · 29/02/2024 22:38

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/02/2024 22:35

I've always insisted on splitting bills when it comes to first dates. I wouldn't date someone who insisted on paying, the date would immediately be over.

Of course you wouldn't but if he looked like Brad Pitt or insert any attractive male you'd be fine with it I bet...

Msmbc · 29/02/2024 22:38

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 16:46

Whatever works for you is fine. I don’t need buying a drink because I’m helpless. It’s something I’d appreciate as an act of generosity from someone who is demonstrating they value me and my time.
if that makes me sexist and outdated I’m totally happy with that. If a man couldn’t or wouldn’t buy me a glass of wine I would assume he wasn’t interested in me. Because to be honest, if he was, he would just buy the glass of wine. It’s a glass of wine.

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Still doesn't make any sense (other than sexism) why it always needs to be the man showing he values the woman's time by paying for her drink rather than the woman showing she values the man's time by paying for his drink. Given that only one person can pay on the first date if we're not being stingy, who should it be and why?

EmmaEmerald · 29/02/2024 22:39

BirthdayRainbow · 29/02/2024 22:37

It's not that some women expect men to pay because they are men, but that they generally get paid more than women so have more spare/fun cash.

But you are on a date with one man. One individual, who deserves to be treated as an individual, not part of a dataset.

Orab · 29/02/2024 22:40

The blokes on this thread are hilarious. What is the thought process here? That if you're struggling to find a girlfriend go and berate women on Mumsnet until they stop refusing you? Nobody likes a whiner.