oh horror, going out with new man and the skin on my abdomen looks like baggy crepe paper..

[allegrageller]

had ds2 11 months ago. DH and I are separating amicably. Am just starting to get interest from new bloke.

OK, so I thought I was so very confident and attractive and all that, & then I happened to catch sight of my stomach last night. Oh GOD. It looks as if it belongs to someone 60 years older. Not a portion of the lower abdomen that doesn't have stretchmarks, but the worst is the combined wrinkliness and looseness.

I immediately did some situps then gave up and cried. I actually feel as if I can't go out with him because I am such a total minger.

I know that if he objects to that kind of thing you nice mners will probably tell me he's 'not good enough' for me anyway but frankly, I fancy him and want him to fancy me. I don't want him seeing that and going 'errrr....'

What do I do, short of a tummy tuck? which I'm considering, frankly, if I come into a sudden flood of cash...

Confidence is what makes you sexy. Get some nice underwear, shave, exfoliate, slather yourself in lovely smelling body cream, make yourself feel a million dollars (don't forget that hair on your big toe , drink a large glass of wine and enjoy!!

If you have done all you possibly can to make yourself feel sexy, don't worry about it, I bet he won't!

xx

aw god yes the big toe hair. Painful!!

God I wish the abdominal horror was as easy to fix

I am actually wondering if I can get out of having to reveal it by wearing some sort of corset heh heh .

God feel like a teenager. Haven't cried over the way my body looks since I was about 15.

I think you just have to brazen it out.

You must be able to find some parts of your body that you like.

I had to face someone in this situation again last year and perhaps worst of all we had gone out with each other pre kids when I was slimmer, younger and fitter.

Also my ex H during our marriage had rejected me for several years so I when I met my old bf last year I was in the process of trying to rebuild my shattered self esteem/negative body image.

My tummy is not my strongest point, I don't have stretch marks but it is quite big and I feel reasonably self conscious about it after two kids.

It doesn't seem to matter to him one jot, instead we focus on other parts of my body. I am not going to mention it and nor has he.

I think it's the last thing they will be thinking of esp in the heat of the moment.

I honestly think that confidence is more sexy to a man than having a perfect body.

it has taken me a long time to get to that way of thinking but now I am not looking back

right well I have this problem - it is a total ego-whack and I find it very hard to deal with, especially as I don't have any feeling in my belly area at all, which is quite YUCK.

However after much experimenting I can recommend the following:

• MASSIVE pants but sexy ones - Anne Summers have some nice sets which come up quite far on a normal woman (remember their models are probably a foot taller than you, so not an indication of where the pants will come)

• camisoles and negliges - I have MANY of these in varying degrees of sexiness which I wear pretty much all the time under clothes. This avoids the hazard of belly creeping over jeans but also makes you look wildly attractive in a state of undress and covers the Problem Area. It is also quite acceptable to do The Business in one of these, unlike, say, a thermal vest or burkha. I've got lots from Primark where they are about 2 quid. They are great for wearing as foxy night-wear too.

• long basques - some places sell suspender-basques which are really long in the body (I have a great one from M&S). You will have to try them on - some of them just FRAME the collapsed area which is NOT the desired effect - but a long basque can hide the bad parts while also looking sexy

• come to terms with your post-child body and love your body for what it has created! OK I'm just joking about this one but if you find a way of doing it then let me know. In the meantime you will find me in the camisole department. xxx

Thanks citylover.

Suppose I have to focus on the fact that it didn't bother H and if he does start gagging at the sight of my tum he probably really isn't my type after all.

I know I'd think that if it was a friend of mine saying that but it isn't easy when it's yourself.

Everything else with my body I'm pretty much alright with. It's just that I've only just come out of bfing ds2, etc, haven't even thought of myself as sexual for months and then I look at myself and think 'yuck'. I've lost a lot of weight recently during my split, & new man is always telling me I have a nice figure etc- it's just the sense of imminent discovery of my flab that really upsets me...

really hope that thing is true about men focusing on other areas...!

Get one of those baby doll type bras and knicker sets (the one that has chiffon down from the bra like a dress), make sure your skin smells lovely and feels soft and smooth (no stubble), soft candles and lovely music. The wrinkles will not go I'm afraid, but a few sit up might help tone the shape iyswim.

You are an amazing, life carrying woman. Seriously, you are not talking about a fat bum here, you are talking about the after-effects of that miraculous thing that you did! Nature has a way of making that attractive to men - why do most go for curvy hips, big boobs, nice skin and hair - because they are the gorgeous 'mammas'!!

Good tips here

Alos, a tip[ from someone who has had lots of bodty isshoos in the past - NEVER comment oin it to him. Don;t bring it up in conversation. Men really don;t notice stuff like this, and most men are clever enough to realsie that woman don;t just have a baby and ping back into shape. However, he will notice it if you go on about it a lot. DP often poiunts out to me that most blokes are so grateful to have sex with a real live woman that thye don;t notice stuff like this.

Do what you feel you need to do to make you feel comfortable. Your confidence will be one of your most sexy attributes to him.

Good luck!

ok morningpaper sounds good! I've already got some Bridget Jones pants Was thinking of investing in a basque/cami but then thought what if he wants me to take it off and I start going 'no'!! and it all turns a bit farcical???

maybe should just warn him outright not to go there for unspecified reasons heh heh I am starting to find this almost funny now

'DP often poiunts out to me that most blokes are so grateful to have sex with a real live woman that thye don;t notice stuff like this.'

yeah sheik that is exactly what ex H used to say, frequently!! We are great friends still and he says he definitely wouldn't notice at all in a new partner for exactly those reasons...

I find that popping your arms out at the top of a basque/cami and rubbing your breasts in their face generally distracts them for long enough and suffices instead of getting full-on belly-naked

or you could plan some sort of power outage which trips all the lights at just the right moment

did that lights thing ever work for you MP?

am thinking laterally now- perhaps can claim to have had some sort of accident requiring bandaging....

Agree 100 per cent with advice from morningpaper re camisoles etc. Also french knickers which are sexy but don't have to reveal stomach.

In longer term, get massaging daily with Bio-Oil (quite expensive in your chemist but smells nice and is semi-miraculous). It won't get rid of the stretch marks but it does help with fading them. My lower stomach was striped like a tiger, horrible, but the marks are now sort of pale whitey and less noticeable (I think so anyway ).

The lights thing, yes, it's easy - place a bucket of water above a wall-light, and pull a lever to tip the water over the wall-light at the crucial moment. That should blow the fuse and everything will go dark. Result!

Also I don't think men spend much time during sex looking at your tummy. And the part beforehand, you can just make sure you are pressed right up against him for as long as possible. He will hardly object to that. By the time you are lying down (on back obv) wrinkles etc MUCH better / flattened out.

yes and don't try doing the deed in the doggy position

your belly will flap wildly

but agree with everyone who says that this will be the LAST thing on his mind. Frankly he is probably terrified about his own middle-aged performance and appearance

rofl morningpaper

at the lights thing and the flapping belly- & that's my favourite position! argh!!

He does have middle aged spread but I know for a fact his last lover had not had children. am worried men feel entitled to an MTV style washboard midriff even if they've got middle aged spread (which he has!)

We don;t give men much credit, bless em.

They know women come in all shapes and sizes.

They are much less critical than women. MNen see you as a whole, rather then scrutinising bits of you.

If you get to an undressed state, the cahnces are, he won;t notice your belly because he'll be TOO BUSY!

he wont see your tum from behind as long as you are not doing it in front of a mirror

no although he might HEAR it clapping

god I hope you're right Sheik.

The last time I slept with a new man it was ex h- 13 years ago. I am no longer familiar with their ways heh heh

and lou- no mirrors!! nooooo!!

and if it claps I'll have to claim it's the bed creaking or something

ha!

in which case i would suggest the bum up, shoulders down on the mattress position, and slip a pillow underneath

yeah good idea lou, with lights turned down as far as possible in one subtle move (NOT MP's bucket over the fuse box...)
I can do this...

candles?

Oh god this is me, except the layers of fat under my stretchmarked belly skin are currently stopping too much sagging

I look awful now so I dread to think what I will look like when (if) I loose the 2 stone I need to.

I have lots of basques, but have put on more weight so probably donbt fit into them anymore