Partners mum taking him out of the will if we buy a house together

[River9871]

Just that really what the title suggests.
Both own our own homes with equal equity and both earn around the same. However his mum says if he we buy a house together then he is out of the will and will not inherit his mums house when she dies.

Leave it. Don't take umbrage. Do what you both want to do, and if DP shows hesitation, well you have your answer to your futures together.

I have a feeling that granny is protecting her assets for the next generation, her son's kids (her grandkids), and I can understand that.

She would be the same about any future partner of her son TBH. Especially if said partner had kids from a prior relationship, i.e. no blood relationship of granny.

I wouldn't take it personally at all, in fact I can understand it completely. As the saying goes -

Love many
Trust few
and always paddle your own canoe.

Because of they buy at joint tenants (most common way) on death it automatically reverts to the other one - unless you put in place tenants in common and wills etc.

so if they were joint tenants if her son died the house would be hers to leave to who she wanted to. They could for example take her inheritance and buy a bigger house

i am an only child and discussing with my parents whether to leave me out and go directly to my children because it makes sense for many reasons

Has MIL said she disapproves of ur relationship or doesn't like u? DP needs to be clear & accurate as to the conversation he had with his mother. My lovely BIL died very suddenly & tragically in 2022;within 6mnths FIL had altered his will so BIL's children were now beneficiaries(money in trust). SIL knew that this gesture wasn't a slight against her but it was done to protect & help her children. After all MN is littered with stories of blended families inheritance nightmares.

If you did decide to buy together I strongly suggest you buy as tenants in common so 50% is yours and 50% your partners. His 50% goes to his kids and your 50% goes to your DC. You both have the right to live in it for life if the other one dies.

As to your partners mum well really that is up to him. She may be worrying the house would eventually go to you and your DC so if you explain tenants in common to her that may allay her fears. Many second marriage partners purchase houses in this way to protect inheritances.

His children may not be beneficiary's but you do make a point. That might be the reason she is taking him out of the will so she can put her grandchildren in it and ensure they inherit.

Beneficiaries sorry typo

You would put her in her place it's her money the audacity.

You wouldn't help look after his mum if she needed it? What was that about money again?

You should want to help without a prize at the end of it. She's thinking of her grandchildren and their future not you and your feelings.

The house we buy together will have nothing to do with inheritance from his mum. His inheritance would be for him to do whatever else he wanted which could include giving his own children their share and putting whatever agreement in place then. I want nothing to do with any of his inheritance so I feel she shouldn't have a say in us buying a house when none of her money will be going into it

Hormones? Was that a Freudian slip op 🤔

Always one

You have no sense of humour. It ain't that bad look on the bright side you will be warm at night next to the man you will be spending the rest of your life with in your new house. Don't let his mother spoil it for you.

I think its hard not to take it personally and as a judgement on you but it sounds like she just wants to make sure inheritance goes down her family.

Some of these stories where a parent buys a home with a new partner and dies leaving the home to the partner and not their children leave out that it might not have been their wish or intention. They don't know that if they buy as joint tenants and die first the property passes to the other tenant regardless of any Will just like a joint bank account.

Silly silly woman. If her son was in his 20's and she thought he was making a mistake that's one thing, but he's in his 40's and knows what he wants.

He has to reassure her that her money won't be going to your children but after he's don't that, she's got no excuse. If it was me I'd want my ds to be happy.

Me or my children don't want anything of hers or my partners but what a sad way to think

There's lots of threads on here where a partner gets all the estate & then doesn't pass it on to the children of the parent who passed away & all the assets go to step children.

I don't see why you need to buy together if you both own a place. Just keep both places & live in one of them?

You are being over dramatic and emotional about something that actually has nothing to do with you.

Currently if your partner dropped dead you have no legal rights over his assets. For most people their house is their most valuable asset to leave their kids.

The reality is selling his current home, buying one with you now changes the potential inheritance for his children potentially positively or negatively depending on what you purchase and how you decide to do it.

It's her money. She can do with it what she wants. She probably is around long enough to have seen plenty of men be blinded by the person they happen to be sharing a bed with and who's existing children end up left out of potential inheritance because it goes to the new partner and then her children.

I have and I'm only in my 40s.

She is entitled to want to make sure any inheritance she has goes were she wants it go. If that to benefit her grandchildren with no risk of that happening, that's her choice.

Blending finances in subsequent relationships with kids isn't romantic and to be honest emotions should be left to the side when deciding how best its managed.

But even if my DC cheated, that to me is not a reason to potentially deprive my GC of my assets. The poor GC didn't have any say in their parents' behaviour. Also, DC cheating may put their partner in even more of a scorched earth mood which increases the likelihood of my house not going to my grandkids.

So if my DC and their partner both have adult children (ie no real step parent bond, like in OP's case), and my DC themself is already a homeowner, I'd leave my house directly to GC.

It's not about thinking anyone is making a mistake. The Grandma is doing what she thinks best with HER own money – and actually OP is coming off as grabby & controlling re: her MIL's money and love for other people like DGC.

It's about accepting that real life does happen, just like her DC's previous divorce. While I'm sure plenty work out, statistically, the majority of second marriages after divorce end badly! But even without that, death etc could happen. With other figures (OP, OP's adult birth children) introduced into the inheritance mix, the best way to ringfence the money for her DGC whom she loves is to will directly to them.

I'd argue that this is a way for her not to interfere in DC doing whatever he wants (not that she should be interfering but ykwim), while still guaranteeing that her DGC are taken care off after she's gone from this earth.

The assumption in doing so is that DC is already happy, in terms of solid property ownership and buffer money. He owns a property with the woman he loves! Plus has sale proceeds from half his previous home.

If OP or OP's partner needs the grandmother's house to keep them happy, frankly I'd be suspicious of their motives – the house might not make it to DGC in their hands. All the more reason to will directly to DGC.

"Your DM can do whatever she wants with her money and asseets, and none of her decisions should have anything to do with how we live our lives" would be my answer. Even this discussion online already shows she is having an influence in your life.

Who and when I buy a house with has nothing to do with my mother, or my DP's mother. I wouldn't let anyone try to interfere in our decision by holding a bag of money/house over it.