Partners mum taking him out of the will if we buy a house together

[River9871]

Just that really what the title suggests.
Both own our own homes with equal equity and both earn around the same. However his mum says if he we buy a house together then he is out of the will and will not inherit his mums house when she dies.

This attitude is more common than you might think. Usually Parent will leave the money direct to their grandchildren. I would not take it personally. She does not know your financial intentions and is just protecting her own family.

I would be grateful that she was up front about it so you can plan

I'm happy to do this but my partner wants us to have a house together so it feels like a home for all the kids

Perhaps see it as a grandmother wanting to ensure that they see the benefits of a family inheritance that may end up with someone else's kids if she doesn't pass it directly.

In your mind you would ring fence this so his kids got it were he to pass away first. But in reality if he were to pass away and leave it to you and you remarry or you fall out with his kids over something in the future she may think that it may not pass to them. This way in circumstances where he seems to be already set up for life she is just making sure her grandchildren don't miss out.

I would feel differently if he were struggling and needed the inheritance to live on but you are saying this isn't the case here.

I think people in your position are too quick to sell their own property and go in with a new partner personally.

4 years isn’t that long of a relationship. I know the pull is that you can upgrade and get a better place if you’re selling 2 others but honestly I think it’s a bit risky and short sighted.

That sounds really odd, I'm not sure what will change if you buy a house together. It's only the house that would be an issue if one of you dies, and when you buy you can tie that up via a solicitor.

If his dm dies whilst you are living together or not has no bearing unless you're married. It's his money to do with as he pleases.

Unless it's a tactic to get him not to move in with you, which is her trying to financially abuse him, in a way, to manipulate him. Which is awful and in which case he should tell her to do one anyway

Why would you use your children as pawns because she didn't leave your dp money in the will. It's not a game, put your dc first

So how long is long enough then before we aren't judged

In that case tell the dc why you can’t buy together.
They should know it’s not your fault.

@River9871 I would think it will be ok for her without a doubt. She doesn't want you or your kids taking any possible profit form hers ot his assets not the opposite.
She may not want you to have any because of ignorance or because other subjacent reasons. Ignorance can be fight with knowledge most of the time. If after explaining to her she still insists, it will be the other reasons and you and your partner will have to make a choice. Hopefully she will understand that nothing shady is behind to the house purchase. If not, do what is best your you both and ignore her.

Have you actually asked why instead of assuming it's because she hates you? Maybe she feels once your DP is set with home ownership, someone like her sibling in poverty, or her other child, or her GC would benefit more?

@Spirallingdownwards As the mum I would be worried about that too tbh – if OP's DH dies first, the house goes to OP, and it may not go to the GC (OP's step-children) afterwards. Not accusing OP of anything, only saying that is perfectly sensible and wise for a mother/grandmother to do.

Ok let's play devil's advocate what happens if Mum lives another 10 years and said grandchildren meet someone with their own children what then will they be dictated to because I don't think it will go down the same way with grandchildren as it is with their son.

I don't need their money me and my sister have money coming to us when my mum passes away hopefully in a long time and even if we don't so be it. Much rather have a long loving relationship with my mum anyway then the promise of money

I dont think she is being unreasonable.

Her son’s primary financial obligation is to his children. While he is entitled to continue on with romantic relationships, forming a new economic partnership with someone is going to interfere with his financial commitments and priorities. Some people don’t see this as an issue, but I find that very shortsighted. why not just purchase homes near one another and maintain independent households?

As the grandparent, it would make sense to skip the son and just leave the money directly to the grandchildren because then there is no risk of the money being diverted. It is different if the first generation is still in their original relationship because that spouse or partner is going to prioritize the grandchildren.

@River9871 she may be different with their GC or she may think the same. That is for her to sort out in the future, not for you to make a future conditional tense exercise.
I understand that you find this issue over the top and insulting because reflects she thinks or potentially thinks that you are grabby. However, you need to be calm and wise. At the end of the day is your future home what you are talking about, if you and your partner want one you will have it regardless of her thoughts.

When money and assets are involved some people is just sort minded and think someone else may take it even if is not the case.

Your MIL is coercing your husband with a threath, is he going to call her bluff or is he going to give up? That is the question here not if your MIL is BU or not.

Your MIL well can change her mind even you don't buy the house and give her money to a donkey sanctuary. Is hers so her house. Don't let her to win on this.

Sorry but buy 2 houses near each other that is ridiculous, we could both potentially live another 40 years

I think your language is dramatic as you are (understandably) over sensitive. No one is "judging" you or thinking you are some gold digger.

The fact is that 4 years isn't that long a marital relationship or a period of being a stepmum – it's hardly a lifetime. That's a fact, not a judgment.

And things could also go wrong at any stage, without you being grabby – eg DH dies, it passes on to you, you die without making a will and it passes on to your new birth children. That's just 1 example.

Since your DH already will have a property to his name, why not ensure her GC are guaranteed that as well? As for her GGC, I suppose that depends how close she is to them, how long the stepmother knows the kids, etc.

I commend the GM's planning actually, as you see posts on here from GC upset that their inheritance accidentally went the way of the step parent etc.

Like I said makes no difference to me she can do what she wants but I won't be dictated on how I live my life so that's up to him to decide

you both have your own homes, you don't need her money then dh just says fine, she can't stop you moving in with each other, silly suggestion. She may need care so might have to sell her house, I would ignore it, let her leave her house to the cats home if she wants and she can sort her own will out.

How is she dictating how you live your life?

She just explained that her house would go to someone else, presumably her GC, if you 2 bought together – as you both would already have property, plus her GC would lose their guaranteed property inheritance from their dad. As I see it, it's a reasonable statement, not a threat.

And anyway, what she does with her house doesn't affect you in any way, if you were intending to pass it on to the GC as opposed to pocketing any of it.

Depending on when she said it, it might not be personal to you, more a situational theory, either before you came along or in early days of dating, before she even knew you.
Perhaps your DP could check and maybe allay her fears by telling her you have no plans to marry- unless you do, in which case it all gets more complex and then you really do need wills. It's marriage that she should be wary about more than living together, perhaps she's assuming that will follow.

By letting her son know how much she isn't happy for him and how much she disapproves.
Like I said not interested in her money. She could of changed her will and not told her son that would of been better really then being bitter about it hoping she has a hold over him

Good chance the inheritance will be spent on care home fees anyway.

We are quite comfortably off and don't want our grown up children losing their possible inheritance to divorce settlements tbh.

He can fight it in court if he is the only child. I knew a man who's mother left her house and money to the cats charity. He was an only child and had to go to court and won. I would tell him not to worry.

Idk, you know your situation best, but you literally wrote that you were "assuming" the reason.

You wrote "I thought she liked me but not so sure now" – so your assumptions about her hating you are just from this inheritance thing?

IMO what she's doing is what any sensible loving grandmother would do. It's not about you, it's about her GC (or maybe DP's siblings)