Partners mum taking him out of the will if we buy a house together

[River9871]

Just that really what the title suggests.
Both own our own homes with equal equity and both earn around the same. However his mum says if he we buy a house together then he is out of the will and will not inherit his mums house when she dies.

Although it's very controlling to say it, it's not really a bad idea for her to will directly to her DGC. There were nicer ways to go about it. She can't control what he does after she's dead and care fees could eat up inheritance in no time.

I think your DP should encourage her to write what she wants in her will but make it clear he's not going to be controlled by her. Then no need to fall out further. He can continue to see her with his kids. Meanwhile you can give her a wide berth.

All sorts could happen to her home in the meantime. If she needs to pay for her care there may not be very much left to inherit.

Legally, an inheritance is not automatically considered to be a marital asset in the UK.

I think she doesn't want you or your kids having a share in her stuff or his stuff.
Which is fair enough if she doesn't know how the things can be done to get the inheritance sorted and she had a bad experience before.
If your partner had explained it to her and she still persist I would think that you as couple can do whatever you want with or without her commands.

I think the problem with his children inheriting from his point of view is that as they will be fairly young when they inherit would they then blow the money but its her money so whatever but as far as I'm concerned I won't be helping out with any care she needs in the future as I have already done and not because of inheritance but because why waste my time on someone that obviously doesn't like me or approve of to be with her son

Me or my children don't want anything of hers or my partners but what a sad way to think. I could have these same feelings towards his children but I don't. What if I die and my very good pension goes to him cos my children won't benefit from that but suppose that's OK

Does she have any other children, I presume your partner is pretty upset about her saying this. Like you say, if she feels like this, when and if she needs care in later years, both you and your partner may feel inclined to leave her just to get on with it,

I think you need to take a deep breath. Blended families are complicated and there was last week a whole thread about how children lost out when assets went to the partner rather than the family

if she is planning now on leaving it to his children in trust that is a very sensible decision for her to make. She wants to guarantee her inheritance goes to her family and it is the logical decision to make. She is taking control now and making sure her wishes are followed

it isn’t a personal one, if you are blending assets you need to legally set out exactly who gets what and how it works in the event of one of your deaths. For example as you say your pension why would it go to him and not your children.

It's not fully relevant to this thread but you can log an "expression of wishes" with your pension provider to name who you want to benefit from your investment.

It's not 100% legally binding (I don't think) but there has to be a decent reason to override it

What's your partner going to do?

Is he going to ignore her and buy a house with you or is he going listen to her in the hope he might inherit later on?

I don't know what he will do but right now myself wondering whether it's worth the aggravation. I'm not moving in with him for financial reasons as I'm quite independent and can manage on my own.

It sounds like she is worried that if he dies before you, any or some money left to him by you would go to you and your children rather than her grandchildren. Which is a valid concern but he could still change his own will to state this even without her house, UK law is very free flow in that sense, so not sure

Can't for one minute imagine my mum saying this and if she did she'd be put in her place. Money isn't everything for me I'd rather be happy

What if I die and my very good pension goes to him cos my children won't benefit from that but suppose that's OK

Do something about that! Protect your financial assets for your DC.

My pension doesn't work like that they would get a lump sum but only spouses are entitled to the full amount if you die

You said partner not spouse so I assumed.

I can’t see anything wrong in someone skipping a generation when they’re writing a will, particularly if their child is in a relationship with someone who isn’t the parent of their grandchild/ren. I’ve seem too many men leave everything to their second wife/partner and completely cut out their own children.

There are decent people out there though.
Anyway it's nothing to do with me it's her money my issue is where does that leave me and my partner. Do we not buy a house together because she says so and wait till she dies ultimately when he can do what he wants anyway and how is he to know she hasn't changed it anyway

Can't she just leave his share directly to his children if she is worried about the money going out of the family or whatever?

You could live in one of your houses and rent out the other. Share the rent proceeds equally between you.

But she sounds ridiculous.

Of course there are decent people out there. The problem is that people who seem perfectly decent can turn into strangers when enough money is involved.

If you want to move in together, move in together. If you’re not bothered about her money then what does it matter?

@River9871 could you allay her fears by purchasing as tenants in common with a deed of trust (actually safer for you and your children anyway) and will your individual percentages to your respective children with a lifetime interest for the survivor? We are about to do this. Five kids between us and none together.

I should add I have assumed you are UK.

That’s the safest way to do it regardless of what his mother does.

You do seem very put out by it. Are you worried he won't choose you?

If she is merely bypassing him so his kids benefit is that really a big deal if you and he are already so comfortably well off?

I am not sure why all the angst to be honest if you are both set up, able to buy and her money adds nothing really. The only thing I can think of it being a problem is if it shows he values the potential inheritance more than he values your relationship in which case at least you know.

Yes I suppose in a way, im not going to mention it now to him and if it goes on the back burner then I know what's more important to him money or me. But just find it sad a mother can do that to her only child