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Original poster

Is my boyfriend weird ?

89 replies

twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 17:59

Hey guys...
here for opinions...

Been seeing my boyfriend just over 2 year.
I have 3 kids who I share with their dad. He is childless. In his own with 3 cats lol

Sometimes he stays at mine and when I've not got the kids il go & stay with him.
Anyway. He has 3 cats that he took with him from his 12 year previous relationship...

His cats have the whole run on his massive house 24 hours a day. Each to their own. One of the cats shreds massively. His bed is covered in cat hair (other than that he is ocd and very clean)
In the night all 3 cats sleep on the bed and they will climb all over me through the night & sit on my head etc. wakes me up all night.
If he shuts the bedroom door they scratch at it all night to come in & that makes him angry so he lets them rome.
I've told him nicely I don't them climbing on my all night n jumping on my head in the night and he says it's their house and they time that's it????
Am I being un reasonable ????

He also says they must be fed every 7 hours so this affects our days out & freedom. The cats are 10. He also sits and gives them cat food pouch after pouch until they are all full. It's all just odd to me. I love animals but....

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 18:03

Yes, you're being unreasonable. They are his cats, in his home, and they have a set routine. At their ages, they are not going to change now and I doubt your boyfriend has any interest in changing, either. If you don't like it, you're the one who will have to either deal with it or rethink the relationship.

IncognitoUsername · 23/02/2024 18:06

In a way, his house his rules but it does sound a bit odd. I have 5 cats - they are locked in the kitchen at night (with a cat flap) and never allowed in bedroom.
Also cats do not need feeding every 7 hours and it sounds like they are overfed.
Do you see a future with him?

NotStayingIn · 23/02/2024 18:06

Not totally sure you’ve actually said anything that isn’t a normal part of owning cats. Sorry OP, I think he’s quite normal.

Catoo · 23/02/2024 18:09

I’m with the cats 🐈‍⬛ 🐈 😻

MariaLuna · 23/02/2024 18:10

His bed is covered in cat hair

Gross.

I wouldn't be getting into it. No way!

You have 3 kids. Is this the hygiene standards you want to teach them?

Original poster
twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 18:11

🤣🤣🤣 no it's minging. I'd never have it at my house. I'm being labled as animal hater on here though I reckon. I just see it as lack of respect.

OP posts:
acpk55 · 23/02/2024 18:12

His house, his cats , his rules 🤷🏻

like it or lump it really,

feeding every 7 hours is a bit odd, an automatic feeder could be used

LuluBlakey1 · 23/02/2024 18:12

It's up to him. Your choice is to stay in or leave the relationship.

We have 2 cats and I am sure many would find my devotion to them unacceptable.

MariaLuna · 23/02/2024 18:12

Any man that isn't "house proud", i.e. taking care of himself and his home is a no no from me.

Shows he's slack in other areas of his life. Big red flag.

Is he looking for a maid? i.e. you.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 18:13

twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 18:11

🤣🤣🤣 no it's minging. I'd never have it at my house. I'm being labled as animal hater on here though I reckon. I just see it as lack of respect.

Literally no one has said you're an "animal hater." FFS. 🙄

IncognitoUsername · 23/02/2024 18:14

twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 18:11

🤣🤣🤣 no it's minging. I'd never have it at my house. I'm being labled as animal hater on here though I reckon. I just see it as lack of respect.

A bed covered in cat hair is minging! That’s why they are banished and downstairs is wooden floors and leather sofas so we don’t have build up of cat hair everywhere. You can be a clean cat lover.

DurhamDurham · 23/02/2024 18:15

It's his home so it's up to him how he cares for his pets.

However there's no way I'd be getting into a bed covered in cat hairs. That's vile and not something I'd want my children exposed to.

something2say · 23/02/2024 18:18

My cat slept on my bed between my knees. I wouldn't have been able to stop him, he did what he liked.

If you don't like it, you'll need to act on that.

Britinme · 23/02/2024 18:19

My DH always used to let his cats sleep on his bed before I arrived in his life. Big nope from me. Mine are shut elsewhere and the bedroom door closed. Perhaps IABU but I wasn't having cats in the bedroom and that was not up for negotiation. But I wasn't moving into his house and I guess that makes a difference.

pokebowls · 23/02/2024 18:21

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 18:03

Yes, you're being unreasonable. They are his cats, in his home, and they have a set routine. At their ages, they are not going to change now and I doubt your boyfriend has any interest in changing, either. If you don't like it, you're the one who will have to either deal with it or rethink the relationship.

Her question was is he odd but whether she was being unreasonable.

He's being odd in my mind. And annoying.

Midnlghtrain · 23/02/2024 18:21

Catoo · 23/02/2024 18:09

I’m with the cats 🐈‍⬛ 🐈 😻

Ditto 😂 🐱

OP don't stay if you don't want to, but it's the cats house and tbh keeping them out of the bedroom will only work if it's done all the time, they won't understand if it's just random nights when you're there. I'm in the accept it or don't stay over camp!

LBFseBrom · 23/02/2024 18:35

twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 18:11

🤣🤣🤣 no it's minging. I'd never have it at my house. I'm being labled as animal hater on here though I reckon. I just see it as lack of respect.

I presume your boyfriend makes sure his cats are regularly de-wormed and de-flea'd. I had cats and used flea prevention once every four weeks and worm stuff three monthly so there were no problems. Mine used to sleep on the bed too, it didn't bother me but I get that it isn't everyone's ideal.

As for the feeding, twice a day is sufficient. They generally only eat what they want. It may look as though these cats are being fed too much but I doubt they are. The seven hourly feeding is a bit much though, never heard of that.

You have to make your own mind up about whether you want to continue this relationship. From boyfriend's point of view it's 'love me, love my cats', and that isn't going to change.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 23/02/2024 18:41

No offence but if you think being a good cat owner is weird then 😂.
Of course the cats come before you, just like any good cat owner would do!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 23/02/2024 18:41

To a non-cat person, 'covered in hair' can mean anything from an absolute mat of hair obscuring the sheets, via a cat-shaped patch of hair where the cats curl up to sleep, to a few hairs here and there.

Team cat here too, I'm afraid. If you don't like it, don't go there.

Cinai · 23/02/2024 18:47

I think the sleeping situation can’t be helped if you have cats, it’s either them jumping on the bed or scratching the door/being noisy when locked out. He seems to have tried that and it didn’t improve the sleep quality. It was the same with my cat. Hair everywhere also can’t be helped much, but he could use a throw on the bed.

Foxlover46 · 23/02/2024 18:54

Sorry OP I'm with him , the cats live their , it's their home and routine , I have three dogs that sleep on the bed with me , lay on the sofa with me on their blankets etc if my bf didn't like that then I'm afraid he would have to go

mondaytosunday · 23/02/2024 18:57

Love me love my cats. I also shut them downstairs overnight otherwise they'd wake me at 5am! They get fed twice a day either dry food out all day.
I also vacuum a lot. But it's his business and you either accept it or move on.

Bunnyhair · 23/02/2024 19:02

Team cats here. Mine sleep on my bed and go where they please. I have ended relationships with people who thought I should lock my cats away for their convenience.

I only feed my cats twice a day though. Every 7 hours seems a bit weirdly precise.

Original poster
twinkle2525 · 23/02/2024 19:04

Thanks all....
great that he loves his animals but if he loved me he'd accept I don't want them all over me at 3am.
Just like I don't let me dog sleep on bed pissing about when he's at mine. Mutual respect.

Also doesn't help that he never fleas & worms them and last week had a whole house flea infestation that cost him £100 to sort. Wondered why I was itching when I went there!!!!

Also his cat litter tray is next to his own toilet. So when I go for a wee I'm sat next to a cat dump.

I love him dearly but it pees me right off it's like a farm

OP posts:
User1789 · 23/02/2024 19:05

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 18:03

Yes, you're being unreasonable. They are his cats, in his home, and they have a set routine. At their ages, they are not going to change now and I doubt your boyfriend has any interest in changing, either. If you don't like it, you're the one who will have to either deal with it or rethink the relationship.

Jeez, can you imagine somebody saying this about somebody's kids who came into the bedroom and jumped all over them in the night time?

I can't stand cats though and probably wouldn't have gone to the house of a date who had three.