Unmarried no will

[SynicalSocialist]

Hello, I have been with my other half for 12 years we have 3 children together and are unmarried. Being unmarried doesn’t necessarily bother me however since buying a house 4 years ago I’ve felt uneasy. Long story short my credit rating wasn’t up to scratch so he applied for the mortgage in his name and I funded the money for the house deposit. So my name isn’t on the house. I’ve asked a fair few times for him to write a will because I am aware if anything happened to him I wouldn’t necessarily be entitled to the house. For whatever reason he just doesn’t seem to get around to it making excuses etc and putting it off all the time. Also I don’t get on with his mum/sister and I worry that if anything god forbid did happen to him they would fight me for rights to the house.

so basically just wondering if anyone has any knowledge of what would happen in this situation? As I say we have children together who are very young so what would happen if something happened to him and there is no will but we are living together with children?

TIA, also no nasty comments please I feel shitty enough as it is

Victim blaming much?

OP, you’re not the one behaving badly here.

You’ve been had. Lawyer up to fix the deeds. Think carefully re future decisions.

A will wont help you though. He could leave you tomorrow and what would you do?

were you not at one meeting with solicitors when buying the house?

do you work full time? Whats your career?

Sorry OP but I think a will is a red herring - even if he does one then there is nothing to stop him from changing it at any point in the future (with or without your knowledge). Plus a will doesn’t protect against relationship breakdown.

The bigger issue is that you have provided the house deposit, but it seems like you have no legal ownership of any of the house, and due to not being married, it cannot be considering marital asset.

If I were you then I would seriously consider taking legal advice (without his knowledge) to confirm whether you can do anything to ensure that, should you separate, you retain your deposit/ share of equity in the house. A first appointment at a family solicitor will often be free / reduced cost and this should hopefully let you know where you stand. It’s important to do this soon, if you wait to see how things pan out and then try to do this if you split up in the future, then it may be too late to do anything about it.

I wouldn't bother with this softly softly approach, it sounds insincere.

I'd say to him: Look, if you die tomorrow, I'll have no house and no assets for me and kids. I paid the house deposit and pay my share of the mortgage but I won't be entitled to anything. If I die tomorrow, you won't have this problem.

I’m going to assume you’re not stupid OP, but instead made a conscious decision for some reason, to buy this man 50% of a house, unfortunately you don’t get to dictate what people do with the gifts you buy them. Instead you should focus on securing your own house, rather than continuing to prioritise him and his assets. I highly doubt that at this stage, he would put you on the deeds, marry you, give you your money back or write the will you want him to, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out he already has one.

Why on earth would she? Posters are being plain cruel despite the fact she has admitted how awful she feels about this situation. She's now reaching out for advice. She can't change the past.

You should be entitled to half an hour free with a family solicitor . Go there for advice and then lay your cards on the table . A registry office wedding won’t cost much ( if that what you want )

to be honest I would consider stop paying half the mortgage if you have no security . Think about your children .

he might be calling this nagging . I would say it’s being sensible and standing up for yourself .

OP - one other option is that you take out a life insurance policy on your DP where if anything happens to him you get a lump sum payment. At least that way you will have some cash to look after you and the children. You don't need his permission to do that.

Your priority should be getting on the deeds asap! Wills can be changed. Seek independent legal advice about having your financial contribution recognised retrospectively but I suspect he will continue to make excuses because he doesn’t see you as an equal.

You have indeed been very silly because at present, you’ve gifted this man 1,000s and he gets to decide if he wants that to be legally recognised.

Good luck and I hope this doesn’t become a very expensive lesson.

Exactly this.

The OP clearly knows that she’s in a very precarious situation- hence why she is posting - she needs practical advice to try and get the most out of this bad situation, not some of the judgemental comments that she has been getting.

How much money did you put in?
How did he prove the funds for the mortgage?
A will won't keep you safe they can be changed. You need to be on the deeds.
You need legal advice as nobody should have allowed this to happen without protecting your money.

@Username917778 paste/quote ‘cruel’ replies? I haven’t noticed any. Plenty of people have pasted links and typed out paragraphs to zero reply, which is rude.

Free will writing in March is normally for the over 55s. Is he over 55?

"WhistPie · Yesterday 22:48

Yet another Mumsnet fucking idiot. This place is full of them."

Personally I think calling someone a fucking idiot when they've reached out for help is cruel, but we all have different standards.

If he were to die without leaving a will now
The state applies the rules of Intestacy

1. First the property and assets would go to his children.

As the children are young there would have to be trusts set up in each child's name. You would be a trustee for each child until they are 18. You would have to prove that you had an interest in the house ie the deposit and contribution to the mortgage, not sure how this would work You need to take legal advice. His sister and mother wouldn't have a claim under the rules of intestacy because he has children who inherit first but this doesn't mean they wouldn't make life difficult for you potentially issue would be around who administers the estate etc . Also if you have joint accounts these will be frozen so you would not have free access to your account until probate is granted.

You need to sort it. Make the solicitors appointment. Tell him it is a non-negotiable. Your name goes on the deeds of the house.

Thank you for all your responses, some a bit nasty but I guess I expected that on here 😄. Sorry for late reply been working nights so sleeping pattern is up the wall atm. I’ve been reading through all your messages and advice which is much appreciated. I don’t really know how to answer some of the questions in all honestly without confronting the reality of my situation.
he has a work pension which I am down as next of kin for if anything were to happen, and he did have life insurance with my name down although this was cancelled a few months ago because it was going up and he was wanting to find a cheaper one, this did have in it if anything happened to him the house would be paid off and go to me.

I feel a bit confused over the whole thing because I just can’t understand why things seem so difficult for him. Regards to the marriage situation he obviously can’t want to marry me because I’ve gone in about it for years and there’s always excuses, maybe he’s scared I don’t know 🤷‍♀️. So I stopped bringing that up and said ok we haven’t got married u should make a will and he just drags his heels over the whole thing. Again tonight before I left for work I asked if he’s sorted it out yet, and I got told the same as usual, I’ll sort it tomorrow. So I pushed it going on and he got funny with me saying I’ve been doing his head in over it the past few days and to leave him alone.

i have all my bank statements with proof of my deposit for the mortgage, he wasn’t asked about where the deposit came from by the solicitor because the money was put in there over a year before he got the house, but it’s all there on my bank statements.

we’ve been planning on getting a bigger house in the next 2 years when I qualify and I’ve been sorting my credit rating out etc so the plan has been for us both to jointly get the new house with a joint mortgage, so I don’t think he’s got any anterior motives with not having me on the deeds or making a will unless he’s lying to me. I just can’t get my head around why he wouldn’t want some kind of protection for me if anything did happen to him. I mean that’s all I’m asking for, because I live here and pay half of everything, literally every month when I get my wage I pay in a lump sum to his account half of everything mortgage bills etc.

not going to lie I feel quite sad after reading some comments, maybe I am stupid and oblivious and he’s out to fuck me over I don’t know, not a nice situation to be in at all feel like my life’s turned upside down and don’t know what is what. Sorry if I’m rambling on

He might just be stupid rather than wanting to fuck you over, but you know now that's something needs to happen so ducks in a row and all that. Better late than never. All the best

I'd say to him: Look, if you die tomorrow, I'll have no house and no assets for me and kids. I paid the house deposit and pay my share of the mortgage but I won't be entitled to anything. If I die tomorrow, you won't have this problem.

Perfect response. Tell him he needs to be a responsible adult, none of this he's doing your head in. Fuck him, useless twat

I’ve told him anyway unless he does something about it I won’t be paying anything towards the mortgage so let’s see how long it takes for him to sort it when he’s having to pay it all on his own

You need more than a will. A will can be changed at any time.

Cancelling life assurance before having a new policy in place was beyond stupid.

Stop paying half the mortgage on a house to which you have no entitlement. Save the money instead, so you'd have a financial cushion if/when all this goes belly up.

Seek legal advice regarding your deposit to see if it might be possible to ringfence this retrospectively. Maybe post in Legal Matters first.

What a mess...

I’ve told him I want my name adding to the deeds and if he doesn’t sort it then I will 100% be going to see a solicitor, thanks for the advice and yes it is a mess

Well done OP. Stand your ground and don’t back down on this.

Your debt wasn't accumulated due to mat leaves etc was it?

He really doesn’t want to give you fuck all does he? ‘Doing my head in’ indeed,- he wants you to shut up and get back in your box.
Stop paying the mortgage, and see a solicitor immediately.