Unmarried no will

[SynicalSocialist]

Hello, I have been with my other half for 12 years we have 3 children together and are unmarried. Being unmarried doesn’t necessarily bother me however since buying a house 4 years ago I’ve felt uneasy. Long story short my credit rating wasn’t up to scratch so he applied for the mortgage in his name and I funded the money for the house deposit. So my name isn’t on the house. I’ve asked a fair few times for him to write a will because I am aware if anything happened to him I wouldn’t necessarily be entitled to the house. For whatever reason he just doesn’t seem to get around to it making excuses etc and putting it off all the time. Also I don’t get on with his mum/sister and I worry that if anything god forbid did happen to him they would fight me for rights to the house.

so basically just wondering if anyone has any knowledge of what would happen in this situation? As I say we have children together who are very young so what would happen if something happened to him and there is no will but we are living together with children?

TIA, also no nasty comments please I feel shitty enough as it is

he doesn’t seem to understand I don’t feel like I have any security the way things are

Oh I think he knows fine that he has all the power in this situation and that you have really no way to force him to gave your contribution recognised.

As PP gave pointed out, even if there was a will in your favour, he could do easily write another one which would supersede it.

Time to get sensible mumma. Ok so Almost same situ me and partner won’t get married knew from get go so excepted then had kids and compromised on “change of name” my mum is main childcare and I went back to work QUICK worked hard and saved. Partner managed to work hard and climbed up the ladder. We then needed to move to bigger and sold during Covid (saved our profit). Moved to rented as new build wasn’t ready. Solicitors got go ahead and then came deposit and stamp duty… £55k was needed we got the mortgage on my husbands wage as I was self employed, I was managing to still work over Covid OCC once again saving. I remember tell partner can he transfer house savings from property and what ever he had and his face was in shock! He had NOTHING no savings just the property profit. All my savings went in and even my mum lent £10K for carpets and tiles. I managed to get a “Deed of trust” which allows me to have the deposit amount before any profit will then be split 50/50. My adviser even said to think about a few percent more as my original value wouldn’t be the same in 5/10/15years time and I’d be better with more of a percent of sale rather than price. Partner said it was silly but I said no iv gone without to save, I could have a new car every year with matching handbags but I don’t iv saved so if anything DID happen that money could set me and kids in rented for a year or so to get sorted. Blame the kids

Yet another Mumsnet fucking idiot. This place is full of them.

See a lawyer and see what they say about you having the proof that you paid the deposit, proof that you contribute half the mortgage - you need proof of where your money is going, bank statements. Pay the mortgage directly from your account to the bank so that you have evidence.

Well he’s a shit father and partner if he is not willing to do a simple act to protect his family should the worse happen. You can buy DIY will kits btw, just order one, fill it in and ask him to sign, if he won’t then I would seriously question why you would stay with him. You can also get people to come to the house, again just arrange it and tell him it needs to be done, if he doesn’t care enough about your interests surely he will want to ensure that his DC are taken care off.

Ok, so at the moment he legally owns the house. If he dies you get nothing, it goes to his kids. Not sure who would hold it in trust for them if they are not 18.

If you keep asking about marriage and he keeps putting you off I think you can assume he won't do that.

Realistically the worst outcome is your relationship breaks up and you have to move out and support your kids on cms alone.

So in order to protect yourself if I was you I'd try to work out a way you can save and have assets of your own in your own name. You may never need them but they might come in useful.

You could also just book an appointment with a lawyer, and tell him you are getting your own will written and does he want to come along.

My will cost 275. It wasn't complicated.

It might shame him into doing it with you.

They have a long list of questions that they ask to cover all situations. It's a really easy process.

Marriage or civil partnership would be the easiest way to sort this out.

If he won't do that, ringfence your part of deposit and interest on the house.

Stop paying towards mortgage if your name is not on the books, that's basically paying him rent.

There's nothing wrong with not getting married BUT you need to go into it with open eyes and protect yourself by building up savings so you're more or less equal or at least able to break up without extreme hardship. If he won't marry you then you need to ensure you can save enough to be independent.

It's not only death or break up to think about, what if he was in a car accident tomorrow and had a serious illness, unable to work etc? What if he had a head injury and personality change? When unmarried, you're entirely reliant on the other person's goodwill but this can change in a flash.

I’m right now dealing with the will of an unmarried person who recently died.

you should get married - cheap in reg office
you should both have wills
otherwise whoever dies first leaves the other a fucking nightmare

You could take out a life insurance policy on him so you would get a payout on his death? Cost would depend on his age and whether you wanted a while of life policy or a term policy. To be honest if you rely on him to pay for any share of yours and the kids living costs you should do that anyway.

Book an appointment with a financial adviser and present the whole situation to them. Preferably with him there.

Never mind a £200 civil partnership or will, you can have a wedding ceremony in church and it won't cost you anything (possibly a donation but it is voluntary) You can speak to your local priest or minister and put a date in the diary. Although only do so if you genuinely want your life to be with this man as it doesn't sound like the most secure footing currently. As others have said get your name on the title deeds. Without being married you have no protection in the event of something happening, families can contest a will etc so marriage really is there to protect you. It's not just a piece of paper like all the "I don't believe in marriage" Mumsnetters would like to think.

Think of it as protecting your children. They deserve the protection of knowing that their home with their mother will be a decent place should you split up. Also, it's a really good example to set for them- You need to get married or ensure that both mother and father are on the deeds to the home.

When he bought the house the solicitor would have asked for evidence of deposit and where it had come from. A declaration of trust would have been advised at the time to protect your interest, your deposit, so that you would get it back, perhaps with an uplift in line with inflation or increase in value of the property. Why on earth was this not done? Did he even mention this to you? Did he lie to the solicitor about the deposit and claim it was a gift? Or was it a gift and you had no desire to have it back? You should have sought, and would have been advised to, to obtain separate legal advice.

Op, please read @DixonD

Go back over the house buying, find details of how the house was bought. Your deposit should have been protected. If not you can still get it done now. Will cost you but get the money to do it. It's that important. Can you prove you paid the deposit?

Come back when you know the details so you can get other advice. There are ways to fix this so don't fuss about the Will focus on this. He will need to sign the Deed. If he doesn't you know that he is planning to shaft you - at least you will know

Once this is sorted then next area to focus on is your Pension.

Not a great situation to be in OP.

I'm similar. Moved into partners house, but not married. However, we both have detailed wills, outlining who gets what, asset wise. I am working and have my own pensions.

Partner has informed his pension company that I inherit his pension fund and I have a copy of the signed declaration.

There are four children in the equation and they cannot inherit the house until I am dead. This is stated in the will. His two children can't try and make a claim on the house, without the consent of the other two kids, otherwise they inherit nothing ( in the will).

I am also one of the executors of partners will.

A will is essential when not married. You have zero rights either. We are going for a civil partnership too, although I think the will may need to be changed if we do that.

It's a terrible situation you are in. Have you prof of your deposit? You need to have a proper conversation where you spell it out to him that currently he is coming across as being intentionally obstructive. Is he intentionally keeping you off the deeds. Ask him. If he says no then go with him to sort it. If he refuses ask him again if he is intentionally obstructing.

My sister’s ex-partner recently died and although they’d been separated for about 10 years and she knew she was entitled to nothing, there was no Will to detail what he wanted to happen with all his estate, money and other assets.

As they had children everything automatically went to them in the absence of a Will (both under 18 years old).

Although he has parents and siblings, my sister was put in charge of dealing with everything as she is the children’s next of kin.

His family were not happy about it 😬

I just wanted to reassure you that even though you have no claim to anything, you will still have some level of control when it comes to the process due to being the children’s mother.

That role won’t automatically go to his family.

Sod the will, your first and most important job is to get out on the house deeds.

If he refuses tell him you want your deposit back and speak to a solicitor.

Do you pay towards the mortgage?

A will will only protect you if he dies. And even then he could change his will the day after, without you even knowing.

Your bigger problem is if he chooses to end the relationship. Which would be my concern since he seems very reluctant to marry you or have your name on the deeds or mortgage.

You should just book an appointment with a solicitor to discuss getting your name on the house deeds and protecting your deposit. Book the appointment and then just tell your boyfriend the date/place. If he refuses then you will learn all you need to know.

And I would refuse to pay anything further towards the mortgage until your name is on the deeds. He knows full well what he is doing - protecting and advancing himself and screwing you (the mother of his children) over.

This!

It’s the outcomes of a hypothetical relationship breakdown that should be your biggest concern, not the outcomes of him dying.

@SynicalSocialist are you not going to reply to your thread?

My word he saw you coming. Did any bank actually tell you that your credit history was a problem? Or did your partner tell you that, only banks put more weight on affordability than credit history as it is secured lending.

There are three things you could do now to improve your situation; get married, get your name on the deeds (and probably the mortgage as well) and get him to write a will. Of these three things the one I would be least bothered about is the will, because he can change it the next day without your knowledge. The other two things cannot be so easily changed and certainly not without your knowledge.

If he won’t get married you need to pursue the deeds / mortgage. The lender probably won’t allow you to be on the deeds unless you also go onto the mortgage. It should not be difficult to get you onto the mortgage, lenders usually prefer two mortgagees to only one.

If he won’t do either of these things, I would be rethinking the relationship. And I do not say that lightly, I wouldn’t be with a man who cared so little about my welfare.

Just to note that (as I understand it) you would need to be on the mortgage as well as the deeds, you can't just add yourself to the deeds. The whole point of the mortgage from the lender's POV is that if the mortgage holder defaults the lender can claim back the house. If there's someone on the deeds that the lender has no contractual relationship with then they have no contractual right to take back the house. Even my lodger had to sign a document stating he had no claim to my house when I last remortgaged as he was listed on the electoral register there (definitely not on the deeds!).

You really do need to talk to a lawyer OP.

If he drops tomorrow you will be homeless. His mum can come and change the locks and put you out on the street.

Get your name on the deeds asap and do no wife work until that's done.

“Darling I know how busy you are, and a bit worried about money. I’ve done a bit of research and the easiest and cheapest way to sort this all out legally is to get married. It immediately protects both us and the children should one of us die unexpectedly. It will only cost £x and we can book a day at the registry office next month. Let’s get our diaries out.”

Shit, OP you are in a terrible position. You should have put the house in both names when you bought it, even if the loan is only in his name.

I can see why he doesn't want to marry you, why would he, he has nothing to gain. There's a very strong chance you will not get your share of the house unless you get yourself on the deeds pronto.