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Original poster

OLD- what is sex positivity? And is it yet another excuse for men to push women’s boundaries

104 replies

OLDbutnotforgotten · 18/02/2024 19:59

Recently went back on OLD after a few years absence. I’ve recently seen an increase of men talking about being into ‘sex positivity’

I looked it up and it sounds like it can basically mean what you want it to mean!

call me an old cynic, but is it just code for ‘I want to treat you like a blow up sex doll, and you’ll be portrayed as a prude if you don’t go along with whatever I want’ ?

Technically, it’s about enjoying sex and not thinking it’s anything to be ashamed of, but I thought we were all on board with that in the 21st century anyway??

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 19/02/2024 14:54

Brawcolli · 19/02/2024 09:28

Aye there’s a bunch of men who are shite at sex and learn everything from porn, but I don’t love the assumption a lot of people seem to have that no woman enjoys what some see as ‘degrading’ sex, or kinks. Nothing wrong with liking what you like as long as everyone consents!

It's the lack of getting consent though. Like noone should be trying extremer sex acts with people without talking to their partner first to see if they are comfortable with it. I like rough sex and I'm pretty submissive but I would freak out if some random from a dating site just thought it acceptable to put his hands round my neck with out talking to me about it.

These men use sex positivity to try and over ride consent by not bothering to check for consent.

EBearhug · 19/02/2024 15:04

And CNC - consensual non consent. How to mark your profile as an abuser.

Brawcolli · 19/02/2024 15:04

@Universalsnail oh absolutely, consent and communication is so important!

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2024 15:08

And CNC - consensual non consent.
How to mark your profile as an abuser.

That's a new one on me and a huge red flag.

I'm probably a prude compared to others but my understanding from friends is that the kink scene emphasises that play should be safe, same and consensual. They might play scenes out but it's all consensual with safe words to stop the action.

CNC sounds like it's a way of getting round boundaries and saying the victim must have wanted it really.

Valeriekat · 20/02/2024 06:05

Brawcolli · 19/02/2024 09:28

Aye there’s a bunch of men who are shite at sex and learn everything from porn, but I don’t love the assumption a lot of people seem to have that no woman enjoys what some see as ‘degrading’ sex, or kinks. Nothing wrong with liking what you like as long as everyone consents!

Not the point of this thread.

AuContraire · 20/02/2024 06:18

Valeriekat · 20/02/2024 06:05

Not the point of this thread.

Show quote history

Always one though.

Brawcolli · 20/02/2024 07:58

Valeriekat · 20/02/2024 06:05

Not the point of this thread.

Show quote history

I’m allowed to comment on it though :)

CadyEastman · 20/02/2024 08:27

It's only just dawned on me that OLD is Online Dating and not a site actually called OLD aimed at older people! BlushGrin

<misses point if thread>

Ginandpangolins · 20/02/2024 11:03

Candleabra · 19/02/2024 13:50

Sex positivity (porn)
Non vanilla (porn)
Open minded (threesomes)
Adventurous (threesomes/porn)
Trying new things (see above)
Tactile (sex pest)

All the same. They expect porn star sex. Useful tool to swipe left immediately.

Haha! Love this post!

Shortyp · 20/02/2024 11:38

You have to remember that most of the men on there are someone else’s cast offs. It’s like clothes shopping at a car boot sale.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 20/02/2024 18:36

Yet another thing to talk to my 15yr old DD about.

Original poster
OLDbutnotforgotten · 20/02/2024 21:16

Shortyp · 20/02/2024 11:38

You have to remember that most of the men on there are someone else’s cast offs. It’s like clothes shopping at a car boot sale.

That’s exactly it, isn’t it?

I remember all the advice not to rush into meeting someone, but if you leave it till your 30’s, there’s already slim pickings.

by 50, it’s just grim. But we all get sold the idea that you still can go to a car boot sale and pick up a 1st edition Dicken’s novel for 50p

OP posts:
DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 20/02/2024 21:34

This porn rape choking shite….where does it go from here? My 19 yr old has just started seeing a chap and I’m petrified! There seem to be no sensible norms to aim for 😞.

i’m 56 married. I can’t imagine navigating the cesspool that it has become out there.

Swallowdoubleandrunamile · 20/02/2024 22:02

PontiacFirebird · 19/02/2024 14:41

The sad thing is most men are a bit rubbish in bed at the best of times (anecdata, sample of a few..)
I have sons and I worry about what they might think is required sexually.
I have told my oldest that he should never ever put his hands round a woman’s neck, even if she asks (which she probably won’t) as it’s extremely dangerous. This was in light of a case on the news of another woman strangled during “ rough sex” 🤔
There’s loads more I would like to tell them but won’t as I’m already on the Beverly Goldberg side of things boundaries-wise.
I do feel annoyed with some women though, in that there must be women going along with all this shite to please men. I mean, if women just laughed in their faces and told them where to go all the strangling and spitting would quietly disappear.

I don't think all the strangling and spitting would quietly disappear.
If a woman laughed in the face of a man who felt entitled to the above, I imagine she'd be in danger.

EarthSight · 20/02/2024 22:08

WhichEllie · 18/02/2024 20:01

Yep, that’s exactly what it means. It’s always nice when they stick their red flags right there in their profiles.

This.

EarthSight · 20/02/2024 22:10

I'd almost be tempted to message someone like that and ask them what they would define as sex negative.

newtlover · 20/02/2024 22:17

OLDbutnotforgotten · 20/02/2024 21:16

That’s exactly it, isn’t it?

I remember all the advice not to rush into meeting someone, but if you leave it till your 30’s, there’s already slim pickings.

by 50, it’s just grim. But we all get sold the idea that you still can go to a car boot sale and pick up a 1st edition Dicken’s novel for 50p

Show quote history

widowers I think would be where its at

decent men who have been in happy and successful relationships, completed the grieving and know how to live independently

NomDePrune · 20/02/2024 23:06

What do you make of this then?! Confused

OLD- what is sex positivity? And is it yet another excuse for men to push women’s boundaries
flashspeed · 21/02/2024 01:09

Shortyp · 20/02/2024 11:38

You have to remember that most of the men on there are someone else’s cast offs. It’s like clothes shopping at a car boot sale.

Isn't it the same for the women in that case then? Are you a man's cast offs?

Jelliclecats · 21/02/2024 01:57

Spitting??? Can someone explain this one, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while thank goodness but want to know what my teen adult DDs need to be aware of. Spit in your face? On your body? On their penis for lubricant?

It’s all so depressing.

MsRosley · 21/02/2024 02:24

EBearhug · 18/02/2024 20:31

I assume they mean they test for STIs (and have tested negative.) Plenty of men are crap at using barrier contraception and believe stuff like one test a year from their work private health is enough, despite them shagging their way round Tinder.

If they say they test regularly, and are negative, they'll probably want to go bareback. They'll probably want to do this anyway - few of them will initiate conversations about using condoms or any contraception at all - you will nearly always be the one having to initiate that conversation. Vasectomy or no, STIs are still a risk.

If you are not sure what something means, ask them. If they won't explain in plain English, it's another reason to swipe no.

Show quote history

Yet you can bet your life those men would be super shocked if the woman got pregnant, and have the gall to feel 'trapped' by the event they couldn't be bothered to avoid by wearing a condom.

MsRosley · 21/02/2024 02:30

NomDePrune · 20/02/2024 23:06

What do you make of this then?! Confused

I can't find the vomit emoji.

Moonfishstar · 21/02/2024 05:54

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 20/02/2024 21:34

This porn rape choking shite….where does it go from here? My 19 yr old has just started seeing a chap and I’m petrified! There seem to be no sensible norms to aim for 😞.

i’m 56 married. I can’t imagine navigating the cesspool that it has become out there.

I just don't get choking. What's so hot about throttling someone during sex unless you are fantasising about killing someone at the time you should be being turned on by giving them pleasure, which to totally vile and horrifying! Or am I missing something?

UtterlyButterly2048 · 21/02/2024 08:26

Jesus. I am married but if I wasn’t, these threads and feedback from single female friends make me quite sure I’d never date again. I find the unsolicited dick pics so bloody revolting and that’s before the non consensual strangling/anal/whoops yes I’m actually married shite. My only thought on any man mentioning “sex positivity” is that it would make me utterly positive that I never wanted to have sex with him!

Original poster
OLDbutnotforgotten · 21/02/2024 09:20

@HelenDamnation1 that is awful! Poor girl. Teenage boys were not like this when I was that age. Their entire view of sexuality has been twisted and it doesn’t seem to be ‘enough’ without some weird kink.
I also can’t believe that all these guys love pissing on women- I think a lot almost think they have to do this stuff to be ‘good in bed’.

i might be a bit vanilla, but someone can be good in bed without the circus tricks.

@SamW98 funnily enough one of the profiles that inspired this thread was ‘an old school gent’ but also sex positive and ‘very successful in his life’. 🙄 I wonder what these men are like as colleagues…

OP posts: