OLD- what is sex positivity? And is it yet another excuse for men to push women’s boundaries

[OLDbutnotforgotten]

Recently went back on OLD after a few years absence. I’ve recently seen an increase of men talking about being into ‘sex positivity’

I looked it up and it sounds like it can basically mean what you want it to mean!

call me an old cynic, but is it just code for ‘I want to treat you like a blow up sex doll, and you’ll be portrayed as a prude if you don’t go along with whatever I want’ ?

Technically, it’s about enjoying sex and not thinking it’s anything to be ashamed of, but I thought we were all on board with that in the 21st century anyway??

I think you’re right. Bc the woman in the video appears to be loving it they assume it’s actually enjoyable. More likely tho they don’t care. They like it for whatever reason and that’s the priority. Women should start a new trend of choking them during sex or slapping them in the balls (“what do you mean you don’t like it? You’re so vanilla!”) 🙄

Unfortunately it’s not just porn. Mainstream tv shows like Rome, Spartacus and Game of Thrones made violent and demeaning sex aspirational to a lot of losers. Sadly there will always be women not confident enough to challenge them who will go along with it bc they want to please them or believe it’s the norm. I really hope the tide turns soon.

It’s a term use to pressure you into agreeing that anything goes and making you feel like a prude to have boundaries. They’re fun and sex positive and if you don’t accept anything and everything, you’re spoiling their fun and negative. As others have said it’s a good way of filtering. Their relationships are unhealthy and their idea of sex is a wannabe porn star performance.

There’s been quite a few threads on the sex board that are perverted or coercive and when anyone challenges them, they’re told to leave the thread as they want to discuss this with ‘sex positive’ people. A couple even wanted to discuss their teen children potentially having sexual with ‘sex positive’ people.

Stay away from anyone using this term, at best they’re clueless and base their sex lives on porn and at worst they’re extremely dangerous individuals.

**sex not sexual

Don’t forget spitting…

I know that in my area there are private Facebook groups which women can join to share details of which men to avoid. Yes you risk an ex with a chip on her shoulder, but presumably works well to avoid those strangling & spitting their way through tinder.

Yes it means they want you to be open to doing whatever they want sexually

I notice that anyone who speaks up for any social standards whatsoever is called a pearl clutcher. It’s interesting how language has been used to stop women speaking their mind, the Karen insult also springs to mind

Jesus, we should be teaching all women krav maga as part of sex ed at school.
Horrible, dangerous expectations from porn-addled men seems to be the norm.
The stuff my young nieces have experienced already is shocking.

Aye there’s a bunch of men who are shite at sex and learn everything from porn, but I don’t love the assumption a lot of people seem to have that no woman enjoys what some see as ‘degrading’ sex, or kinks. Nothing wrong with liking what you like as long as everyone consents!

It means ‘I don’t want to be told no’

Agree. I used to train in krav maga. It's very effective.

Do you realise "going bareback" is degrading to women.

Women aren't horses.

Pick something else. Perhaps "without a condom" is more appropriate

Do you realise "going bareback" is degrading to women.

Men like this are degrading to women. It's about them, not the women they're using, not the women's pleasure, not what the women want.

Yes it's great to be able to instantly swipe left on those that put 'sex positivity'
I love sex but can instantly see the sort of man that would want that on their profile. Urghh

It also means that they will have a go at you for not being willing to have sex all the time.

Following with interest.

What's Krav Maga please?

Sex positivity (porn)
Non vanilla (porn)
Open minded (threesomes)
Adventurous (threesomes/porn)
Trying new things (see above)
Tactile (sex pest)

All the same. They expect porn star sex. Useful tool to swipe left immediately.

God it’s so depressing isn’t it? I have been with dh for years but dated a lot in my late teens up to early 30s. I had all kinds of partners snd didn’t think I was prudish particularly.
I’d be terrified of dating now if something were to happen to him. I’m pretty sure I would be single.
I think with boundaries being constantly pushed, where do you go, just more extreme. I know my younger friends think a lot of the stuff that I find shocking completely normal.

It's a form of self defence based on hand to hand combat. It's very "nuts and bolts" and pretty simple to pick up. The thinking behind it is to respond very quickly and aggressively to an attacker, in order to disable them, and then run away.

I've come across "Body positivity" stuff. Basically, an excuse to post nudes/dick pics 🙄

Oh yeah, that too. Plus anyone displaying any sort of nudity in their profile pics is a hard no.

It's a phrase used by people who don't want to be told "no" and who object to other human beings having boundaries.

It's cannily done so that they can twist the narrative into one where they're "positive" about sex and sexuality so anyone who disagrees is a mean, negative prude.

People can like what they want in the bedroom without feeling entitled to overrule other people's boundaries or manipulate/push others into thinks they're not comfortable with.

When my DD was 16, she went to Reading Festival. Her best mate lost her virginity to a boy who then asked to piss on her. WTF?

Back then I was all naive. And was like 'what?? Do an actual wee? On her sleeping bag too?' Gross.

Since then I've divorced and dated a lot! My god, what has happened to men. Tragic for all concerned.

The sad thing is most men are a bit rubbish in bed at the best of times (anecdata, sample of a few..)
I have sons and I worry about what they might think is required sexually.
I have told my oldest that he should never ever put his hands round a woman’s neck, even if she asks (which she probably won’t) as it’s extremely dangerous. This was in light of a case on the news of another woman strangled during “ rough sex” 🤔
There’s loads more I would like to tell them but won’t as I’m already on the Beverly Goldberg side of things boundaries-wise.
I do feel annoyed with some women though, in that there must be women going along with all this shite to please men. I mean, if women just laughed in their faces and told them where to go all the strangling and spitting would quietly disappear.

God I hate when they put tactile. To me that just reads ‘groper’ Or the ones who put ‘lives cuddles on the sofa’ = I’ll be grabbing your breasts and arse while you try and quietly watch a bit of tv and call you frigid if you tell me to stop.

The other one I hate is ‘old school gent’ - translation Neanderthal sexist pig who thinks women should know their place.