To message to check he’s still interested?

[InsidiousRasperry]

I mean.. I know if I have to ask he’s probably not, but I just need to draw a line under it.

I’ve had 3 good dates with a guy from OLD but we had met in real life first. Last time we met was almost 3 weeks ago now.

All was going really well, we messaged most days if not every day, just with daily chat. He works shifts so can be a bit tricky. We got on well together and just had a good laugh. On our last date we had a snog and it did make me feel a bit giddy!

He was going skiing for a week the day after and I told him not to worry about messaging every day when he was away, just send some pics or whatever. I messaged to say safe flight and he didn’t reply at all until I messaged again to ask how it was going the day he was flying back. While he was away he did change his Tinder pics though!!

Then he didn’t text for a few days until last Friday when he asked if I wanted to do something at the weekend as he’d like to see me - but didn’t bother to arrange anything and was hungover on Sunday. He has asked if I want to do something this week (again would love to see me apparently) but hasn’t arranged a day or anything!

I know I said not to text everyday but I just think if he was thinking “wow I really like InsidiousRasp” he would be making more of an effort! So I’m going to leave it for a few days to see if he can bother to arrange anything and if not I’m going to message and draw a line under it. But I think I need some help drafting the words please, what do you think about the below (it’s from Reddit hahaha).

“Helloo how’s your week going? I was just wondering if you’re still interested in whatever has been going on? I figured I’d just ask instead of trying to figure out what you were thinking or something equally ineffective. I’d rather just be clear about it 😌”

He has asked you if you want to meet/do something? And you’ve said yes, but you want him to suggest something? Why don’t you suggest the time and place?

Being honest, he doesn’t sound very interested (was he active on tinder)? but no, I wouldn’t bother sending that message and asking

Isn't it easier just to say "Hey, which day are you free this week?" If he isn't interested he'll push it off. If he is interested you can see him again.

Don’t ask.

Even if he is losing interest he’s unlikely to say that, he’ll just make excuses about being busy and of course he’s still interested.

He’s made noises about meeting up but hasn’t actually arranged something, so just pull back. Don’t text him, carry on living your life and wait and see if he puts any effort in.

If last message was him asking if you wanted to do something this week, you could respond along lines of "Why don't we meet for coffee on Thursday?" and then have a face to face chat about whether you want to keep seeing each other.

It does sound like he is losing interest.

Hard no to the copy & paste Reddit.
I'd be put off by the lack of effort and hangover tbh.

While he was away he did change his Tinder pics though!!
well, that’s not good surely?!

Definitely no to the Reddit text. I'd guess he's not that bothered as he's not putting much effort in. I think l'd leave it now and find someone who is more interested in actually meeting up.

Yeah I asked what his shifts were this week, I would arrange something but I can’t if I don’t know when he’s working 🤷🏻‍♀️

It just really winds me up when people use “the slow fade” as an exit rather than just saying how they actually feel, it’s really shitty. Three dates isn’t long but it’s long enough I’d say!

That message is cringe, please don't sent it. Just leave it, his actions or lack thereof show he's not as interested as he says.

I would send a message and say are you available on this day to do this. If he isn't but doesn't try to reschedule then I would leave it.

This is a great idea, and if he can’t make the suggestion/doesn't rearrange leave it at that.

Do not send the Reddit text!! If he is keen it’ll put him off & he’ll run a mile, it’s awful.

Nonto reddit message, it sounds a bit too invested and it will scare him off. He might be interested but not 100% sure and you will come across too keen.
something simple like ‘hey, im free on friday, shall we meet up for a coffee?’ Is better, if he’s working he’ll tell you so and hopefully will suggest alternative day. If not then you’ll have your answer anyways.

I don't think you need to. He's clearly still playing the field and he should know by know whether he wants to go further with you or not but the fact he's still updating tinder suggests not.

I've been dating someone for a few weeks and I often say things if he is snowed under at work like 'oh we can rearrange tomorrow night if you need to get through some work' and his response is always along the lines of no, work isn't getting in the way any more, or no, I've been working hard so I can take a few hours off tomorrow night etc. to the point that I'm trying to not say it, as I do it to be people pleasey which isn't great anyway, but I think he has thought a couple of times that I might not want to see him when I do!

Agree with this. Its not nice but he’s showing by his actions that he’s not really interested in pursuing things.

Just leave it. If he wanted to see you, he would have done.

I know I said not to text everyday but I just think if he was thinking “wow I really like InsidiousRasp” he would be making more of an effort!

I would simply read the above over and over because it’s true then delete his number. He’s shown you how he feels & his words mean nothing.

Work on those boundaries and self esteem instead. This isn’t good enough for anyone.

Message and say are you up for meeting this week? I’m free Saturday
if he doesn’t respond, sack it off.

These aren't the actions of someone who's interested in pursuing a relationship with only you.

If you text now about a date, he might well respond and meet you - but only as something to do, and you might be one of many because he's keeping his options open. Is that what you want?

For me it'd be a waste of time but only you know what you're looking for!

Don’t send that message! Move on OP.

Couldn’t be arsed with this . Just leave him to crack on and don’t let him muck you about again. Why would you find his behaviour attractive?

Being honest that message is dreadful and cringey.

If you do message him - though I would really advise you don’t - he will probably say yes let’s meet then let you down again. You’ll just be prolonging the fade out.

No, don't send any text.

No, it's what she plans to send to him.

While he was away he did change his Tinder pics though!!

This would be a red flag for me personally.
He either was looking for a hook up over there or just wanted to chat with people etc. He's off on a skiing holiday and can't even enjoy that without having to go on tinder? I think those type of people are generally boring people who always need someone to be entertaining them.

It's been three weeks, don't send a text and don't be a booty call for him another time if he calls.

Yeah I was actually gutted about the Tinder pic changing. I don’t patrol him on the app btw I just don’t chat to many on there so it was immediately obvious 🤣

I know the consensus is obviously just to leave it but I have done that previously and actually more difficult because there’s still a “what if” and it makes it easier for them to text like nothing had happened in 2 months time!!

Also this is me returning to the apps after not dating for almost 5 years and working on my self esteem 🥲