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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To message to check he’s still interested?

83 replies

InsidiousRasperry · 13/02/2024 22:02

I mean.. I know if I have to ask he’s probably not, but I just need to draw a line under it.

I’ve had 3 good dates with a guy from OLD but we had met in real life first. Last time we met was almost 3 weeks ago now.

All was going really well, we messaged most days if not every day, just with daily chat. He works shifts so can be a bit tricky. We got on well together and just had a good laugh. On our last date we had a snog and it did make me feel a bit giddy!

He was going skiing for a week the day after and I told him not to worry about messaging every day when he was away, just send some pics or whatever. I messaged to say safe flight and he didn’t reply at all until I messaged again to ask how it was going the day he was flying back. While he was away he did change his Tinder pics though!!

Then he didn’t text for a few days until last Friday when he asked if I wanted to do something at the weekend as he’d like to see me - but didn’t bother to arrange anything and was hungover on Sunday. He has asked if I want to do something this week (again would love to see me apparently) but hasn’t arranged a day or anything!

I know I said not to text everyday but I just think if he was thinking “wow I really like InsidiousRasp” he would be making more of an effort! So I’m going to leave it for a few days to see if he can bother to arrange anything and if not I’m going to message and draw a line under it. But I think I need some help drafting the words please, what do you think about the below (it’s from Reddit hahaha).

“Helloo how’s your week going? I was just wondering if you’re still interested in whatever has been going on? I figured I’d just ask instead of trying to figure out what you were thinking or something equally ineffective. I’d rather just be clear about it 😌”

OP posts:
FETFirstTimer · 15/02/2024 21:43

Honestly, closure is a choice. It’s not something some ghost or message can give you.

SilverDrawer · 15/02/2024 22:21

It’s frankly embarrassing to message him.

i despair

Holibobby · 15/02/2024 23:53

If your gut is telling you to message him then absolutely do it! You have nothing to loose.

Zoflorabore · 16/02/2024 00:04

Actions speak louder than words op

Disturbia81 · 16/02/2024 09:31

InsidiousRasperry · 15/02/2024 15:12

Yea I’ll think about what to say but will probs be something short 🤣

To give some background, I have been on and off the apps for a looong time, and have had my fair share of fizzling out, ignoring/not replying (me doing it too!), also a fair amount of nice endings.

About 5 years ago I was ghosted after I’d been seeing someone for about 6 months. Like properly ghosted and it was terrible. At the time I just blocked, deleted number because “I’m better than that”, “I won’t give him the satisfaction” etc etc. Except I then spent the next god knows how long ruminating on it and wishing I had just said what I had to say. Even though I knew he wouldn’t have replied at least I would have said my part!

Sometimes you know what you need to do. So as much as I appreciate the responses, I kind of wish I hadn’t asked here.

My friend was ghosted shortly after and I know she sent a barrage of messages before she blocked him and she felt much better 🤣

Definitely, it feels like you need to get it out for proper closure. The act of blocking and keeping the block on is showing respect to yourself.

SharpWriter · 03/05/2024 10:48

ZekeZeke · 14/02/2024 06:47

Being someone's option is a choice, choose to be someone's priority instead.

This.

Sounds like he's keeping you on the back-burner while he pursues other options. When someone likes you, you will know about it.

Tillievanilly · 03/05/2024 11:31

I had a situation like this recently where it went from lots of contact inbetween dates to the opposite a check in every so often. But it seemed low effort. I didn’t want to waste my time tbh. Plus he kept apologising with crap excuses. I did message back and said our communication seemed to have dwindled etc and just pointed out the obvious. So that was the end of that. If someone wants to see you I think they should an effort to message/reply in a suitable timeframe, it doesn’t need to be all the time but for me it seemed lazy.

Rockiepride · 03/05/2024 16:44

What happened OP, did you ever see him again?

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