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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s bankrupt, broken…I don’t know if I can do this

114 replies

Jasmine1973 · 13/02/2024 20:06

10 years ago I have become a single mum of 2…haunted by the narrative that no man would take on a woman with 2 kids I have ended up dating guys who have treated me poorly. Finally, 6 months ago I met a guy on bumble, we hit it off and both fell for each other very quickly. The relationship was initially filled with so much laughter, a strong connection and love. He is divorced twice, has moved around countless times and has been in lots of relationships (nothing lasting more than a year). He even gifted me with chlamydia (which in his defence he might not have known about). He has his own business and was initially successful until recently. Over the course of a month I have watch his business crash..losing everything. He is absolutely broken, crying non stop, often cold towards me. I am trying my best to support him but it’s starting to take its toll on my mental wellbeing. Friends tell me to walk away but my love for him is as strong as ever. I acknowledge he might be heading for a breakdown and I just don’t know how to cope? Do I just walk away? How do I support him? When I told him the whole situation was upsetting for me he responded with he didn’t need that additional stress. I’m so confused.

OP posts:
mamacorn1 · 17/02/2024 08:42

Run.

TiredOfTHECHANGE · 17/02/2024 09:21
Do Not Touch Sex Ed GIF by HannahWitton

He’s morphing from loser to cocklodger. Run.

Trulyme · 17/02/2024 10:19

Just be single.

Focus on yourself, your kids and your career.

Once you’re happy with your life then you will be in a much better position to find a decent man.

Bunnyhair · 17/02/2024 10:50

You don't love him. I promise. Don't give him money. Don't mother him through his incompetence and feel sorry for him. He is not your responsibility. Get out immediately.

Stop thinking that you gave to somehow atone for being a single mother by letting useless grubby arseholes fuck you about and exploit you. Don't get into any more relationships until you are committed to loving and protecting yourself.

TheGreatGherkin · 17/02/2024 11:31

OP, where are yoouuu?

Suchagroovyguy · 17/02/2024 12:59

Um, is this serious?

He’s bankrupt.
He treats you like shit and is cold.
He is twice divorced.
He moves around a lot (bet this is linked to finances).
He’s shagged about with loads of women (presumably unprotected?!).
He gave you chlamydia.
Your self esteem is on the floor.
You can’t identify a healthy relationship.
You need to prioritise your children.

Raise your bar.

tuvamoodyson · 17/02/2024 16:03

Oh! You had me at Chlamydia! He sounds quite the catch OP!

CandidaAlbicans2 · 17/02/2024 18:41

Regarding the chlamydia, in fairness "At least half of all men with chlamydia don't notice any symptoms" so that wasn't necessarily his fault. However, what would've been sensible would have been for both of them to have an STI screening. After all, it was just as likely that she could've given him an STI!

As per any other relationship, it's wise to be cautious, and he may or may not be genuine when he's describing his failing business. He may be a scammer, he may not be. Just be alert and don't part with your money (as in all relationships).

nhs.uk

Chlamydia - Symptoms

Read about the possible symptoms of chlamydia that can be experienced by men and women, and find out when you should seek medical advice.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/symptoms/

Pumpkinpie1 · 17/02/2024 20:39

OP don’t let desperation make you lose touch with reality. He gave up an StD and you stayed ! Bonkers x

TheSharpUser · 18/02/2024 01:15

Look up the website
Love said
He is trauma Bonding you.
The next stage is you giving him all your money.

ObliviousCoalmine · 18/02/2024 01:40

haunted by the narrative that no man would take on a woman with 2 kids I have ended up dating guys who have treated me poorly.

You pull your shit together, realise that there is zero validation in being "taken on" as a woman with two kids and you model better relationship behaviour to your children.

None of the above includes the catastrophe you're currently dating. I hope he hasn't met the kids yet.

Guavafish1 · 18/02/2024 03:49

listen to you friends

Wanna17 · 18/02/2024 03:55

What are you doing and why?

Women need to get better at walking the fuck away from losers!

Yuk chlymidia shows just what respect he doesn't have for his or anyone else's body.

You should be asking, how do I bets supprt myself so I can get away from this man quickly?

TiredCatLady · 18/02/2024 04:50

TheGreatGherkin · 17/02/2024 11:31

OP, where are yoouuu?

Probably handing their life savings over to the walking, talking red flag…

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