He’s bankrupt, broken…I don’t know if I can do this

[Jasmine1973]

10 years ago I have become a single mum of 2…haunted by the narrative that no man would take on a woman with 2 kids I have ended up dating guys who have treated me poorly. Finally, 6 months ago I met a guy on bumble, we hit it off and both fell for each other very quickly. The relationship was initially filled with so much laughter, a strong connection and love. He is divorced twice, has moved around countless times and has been in lots of relationships (nothing lasting more than a year). He even gifted me with chlamydia (which in his defence he might not have known about). He has his own business and was initially successful until recently. Over the course of a month I have watch his business crash..losing everything. He is absolutely broken, crying non stop, often cold towards me. I am trying my best to support him but it’s starting to take its toll on my mental wellbeing. Friends tell me to walk away but my love for him is as strong as ever. I acknowledge he might be heading for a breakdown and I just don’t know how to cope? Do I just walk away? How do I support him? When I told him the whole situation was upsetting for me he responded with he didn’t need that additional stress. I’m so confused.

You had me at the STI

I read your OP with my mouth open!

What on earth are you doing with this vile man? Walk away now and work on your self esteem.

Walk away and get some therapy to work out why you got suckered in to this walking disaster and didn't spot the red flags by yourself. Good luck

You need to leave this waste of space for the sake of your children.

Have some self respect.

Your friends are right, get rid of him.

Don't walk away.

Run.

OP do not fall for it get away while you still can I can see you want a relationship to find your person but trust me this is not it.

Too much too soon. Prioritise yourself and the children. End it and start therapy if you haven't already.

Red flags galore OP
Do you even think, given his history, that he is actually genuine ?

You’re one in a long list of broken relationships. It sounds planned and rehearsed to me. A successful business doesn’t just go bust in 6 months.

This could all be an act he’s puts on for all his past wives/ girlfriends. He possibly gave you chlamydia knowingly as well.

You just don’t know this man !

Next he’ll be asking you for money.

Focus on you and your child and stop subjecting your dc to losers.

Get yourself some therapy and do the Freedom Programme.

Oh Lord, OP...it's only been 6 months!

How can your love for a man you met 6 months ago be "as strong as ever" ? Give your head a wobble.

Omfg

Can you tell us what it was actually take for you to dump someone? Where do your boundaries lie?

In 6 months you've seen his business crash and he's given you an sti. You've given him the benefit of the doubt on both... But it's extremely unlikely his business went under in six months and he didn't think to check his sexual health before giving it to you. There's ever chance he's slept around - and it sounds like you've never had a proper conversation about where he might have got it. That lack of conversation speaks volumes as much as the sti itself.

Then youve got two divorces. What for? Cos his ex's were crazy bitches?

And don't tell me, now he wants financial support?

At best he's a walking disaster area and you can do better. At worst he's a scam artist who relies on you having fallen for him and 'being oh so in love with him'.

There is no explanation which gives a good reason to be with him. Everything says run for the hills. And don't look back.

This man will make your life a misery eventually. It's just a question of when. And how.

There’s so many red flags here, mostly him(a business doesn’t just quickly fold) but honestly, I think you sound vulnerable.

You need to look at things clearly, you’ve been with him 6 months, literally a tiny amount of time, you’re still dating imo. You speak like yo’ve been married for years.

Dump him & stY single, concentrate on showing your children how to be stable & have high worth.

^ this

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Forget about supporting him...how about support yourself? You need therapy, as you value yourself so little that you justify all of his outrageous behaviour. His failed business is his problem, and don't lend him money as he won't pay it back. He seems to have a history of flaky relationships and not taking responsibility for himself. You don't even know the half of it, and only the fragment he has told you about. Stop rescuing him, and rescue yourself instead. You owe a duty of care to your child to be a decent role-model, and to protect your family from outside threats. If your child sees you making allowances for this idiot then they will come to see that as a normal adult relationship. Dump the loser, get some counselling services to build up your self esteem and don't date anyone until you have developed resilience. Being single is much nicer than being stuck with a useless man who gives you diseases, potentially bad debts and maybe sleeping with dozens of other women at the same time hoping one will 'adopt' him and all his problems. There are loads of these loser men out there, and wise women have their radar switched on to fend them off before they get close.

Christ, he 'gifted' you Chlamydia?? Wtf. That is the point at which you should have walked away, fuck knows why you're asking how you can support this waste of space.
His business has not gone from successful to horse shit in 6 months -has he asked you for cash yet...?
Do yourself and your kids a favour and walk away. You can have a good relationship as a single parent but perhaps you need to love yourself before you seek someone else.

You have been seeing each other 6 months and you have children.

You need to take your time. If you want to carry on seeing him have a "date" once a week tops (assuming you get time without your kids). As he is skint go for a walk, watch a movie at home, cook for each other (reciprocal not just you cooking etc). If he can't "be nice" once a week for a date then leave it at least for now. Tell him to give you a ring when he has got himself together - if that's what you want.

He sounds stressed/under pressure or possibly as others have said a scammer/sponger. Don't have him around your kids in this frame of mind, don't give him money. If his finances are difficult encourage him to ring charities such as national debtline, business debtline, Christians Against Poverty, citizens advice etc.

You can be there for him but you can't bail him out or be his emotional punchbag.

OP, I don't know you but you are worth so much more than this fool. You deserve to be loved by someone who treats you well. Not be given an STI and fleeced of your money (because we all know that is where this charmer is headed!)

How can you love him that much? You've only known him 6 months!

Thank god he hasn't moved in with you. I also think he staged the business collapse to scam money, say you need your money for your Dc.

I'm sorry but after only 6 months the truth will be that you actually hardly know this person. Even though you probably think you do.

He's given you chlamydia and now a whole lot of financial grief.

For goodness sake see that this is not a good relationship and walk away with your self respect.

Sounds like you view this type of behaviour as the norm, because you set your bar so low 10 years ago, and now you just don’t know what a normal respectful relationship should look like. Walk away and change your mindset for any future men who come into your life. Know your worth, and stop accepting these type of men into your childrens’ life.