Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s bankrupt, broken…I don’t know if I can do this

114 replies

Jasmine1973 · 13/02/2024 20:06

10 years ago I have become a single mum of 2…haunted by the narrative that no man would take on a woman with 2 kids I have ended up dating guys who have treated me poorly. Finally, 6 months ago I met a guy on bumble, we hit it off and both fell for each other very quickly. The relationship was initially filled with so much laughter, a strong connection and love. He is divorced twice, has moved around countless times and has been in lots of relationships (nothing lasting more than a year). He even gifted me with chlamydia (which in his defence he might not have known about). He has his own business and was initially successful until recently. Over the course of a month I have watch his business crash..losing everything. He is absolutely broken, crying non stop, often cold towards me. I am trying my best to support him but it’s starting to take its toll on my mental wellbeing. Friends tell me to walk away but my love for him is as strong as ever. I acknowledge he might be heading for a breakdown and I just don’t know how to cope? Do I just walk away? How do I support him? When I told him the whole situation was upsetting for me he responded with he didn’t need that additional stress. I’m so confused.

OP posts:
5128gap · 13/02/2024 21:56

Two divorces, a string of relationships, an STI and a business that bankrupts him in 6 months. And I bet its not the first failed business under his belt either. He sounds impulsive, reckless and and unable to focus or commit, with a life that will veer from chaos to next bright idea to new problem to disaster and back again. On repeat. He's 'broken' at the moment OP, but I bet he bounces back when the next new thing comes along so I'd not worry too much about him. For a woman seeking stability with DC to think about, he's bad news though so worry about you.

Grendell · 13/02/2024 21:58

You need to jump off this Hot Mess Express!

PinotBlanc · 13/02/2024 22:08

Call me old fashioned , but do you really need to ask? You know what you need to do …fk him right off !

blacksax · 13/02/2024 22:09

You want to stay with this man? Unbelievable.

Nothingfallingdowntoday · 13/02/2024 22:15

Meant with kindness you need to drop this guy and start some work on yourself.

You should not be questioning this decision. There has been red flag bunting and you have been involved for such a short time.

You owe him nothing but you owe yourself much better.

Folklore9074 · 13/02/2024 22:17

🚩🚩🚩

AngelinaFibres · 13/02/2024 22:19

Jasmine1973 · 13/02/2024 20:06

10 years ago I have become a single mum of 2…haunted by the narrative that no man would take on a woman with 2 kids I have ended up dating guys who have treated me poorly. Finally, 6 months ago I met a guy on bumble, we hit it off and both fell for each other very quickly. The relationship was initially filled with so much laughter, a strong connection and love. He is divorced twice, has moved around countless times and has been in lots of relationships (nothing lasting more than a year). He even gifted me with chlamydia (which in his defence he might not have known about). He has his own business and was initially successful until recently. Over the course of a month I have watch his business crash..losing everything. He is absolutely broken, crying non stop, often cold towards me. I am trying my best to support him but it’s starting to take its toll on my mental wellbeing. Friends tell me to walk away but my love for him is as strong as ever. I acknowledge he might be heading for a breakdown and I just don’t know how to cope? Do I just walk away? How do I support him? When I told him the whole situation was upsetting for me he responded with he didn’t need that additional stress. I’m so confused.

The hairs stood up on the back of my neck when I read your post. If you are not in a relationship with my ex husband then he has a twin. I am the first ex wife. Get out of this now. He will destroy you.

CharmedCult · 13/02/2024 22:24

I cannot stress this enough…

DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN A PENNY.

Don’t let him move in with you, don’t offer to help him out with the business, don’t even lend him £1 for a loaf of bread.

Your boundaries are so fucked. You are ripe for being ripped off.

ManchesterGirl2 · 13/02/2024 22:25

Businesses don't just go from thriving to bankrupt for no reason. What caused it?

PrinnyPree · 13/02/2024 22:25

He's an STD riddled, multiple divorcee with a bankruptcy looming and you've only known the guy 6 months. Fucking cut and run OP. The first year of a relationship is supposed to be the fun bit, you're not supposed to be down the GUM clinic inbetween offering him counselling. Don't be emotionally blackmailed into staying with him, you are not responsible for him in the slightest. Quite frankly I'd have been gone after the Chlamydia, hope he didn't talk you out of using protection. :/ xx

blacksax · 13/02/2024 22:32

Known him 6 months and with his track record, 6 months to go. Just enough time for him to take you for every penny you've got.

Byeee.

silverbirches · 13/02/2024 22:37

I can't believe you've fallen for this.

icelolly12 · 13/02/2024 22:39

Fgs, focus on being the best parent you can be and stop worrying about finding a man. You're clearly happy to put with anyone so you should not be dating right now- you have two children. Focus on their health, happiness, wellbeing and safety and stop being so bloody selfish.

We've all got this chancer sussed out in less than a minute, how on earth after six months are you wanting to be with him?

Daffodilsandtuplips · 13/02/2024 22:43

Walk away, he’ll soon fill the empty place you leave behind.
Married twice, with a string of ex’s and doesn’t even care enough to look after his own sexual health, he’s not a Prince among men is he?
Concentrate on your own self esteem and self worth and save yourself and your kids from years of misery.

GrazingSheep · 13/02/2024 22:43

We've all got this chancer sussed out in less than a minute, how on earth after six months are you wanting to be with him

For some woman their self worth is so tied up with having a man - no matter how awful he is and no matter how much collateral damage is inflicted on her children.

Lancia72 · 13/02/2024 22:45

It's amazing to me that in 2024 the vast majority of women still consider coupling up to be the be-all-and-end-all.

LakeTiticaca · 13/02/2024 22:50

You've known him for 6 months, he's already given you the clap. Now he's trying to drag you down with him.
Take off your blindfold and look what's really happening

BagelandEggs · 13/02/2024 22:51

He said he doesn't need the additional stress of worrying about your mental health. Your children depend on you and you must protect yourself and them with the strength of a tiger. End it now and do not look back. He will find someone else to take advantage of very soon as he done multiple times before. You are worth so much more than this situation and your kids definitely are. Look after yourself xx

TheGreatGherkin · 13/02/2024 23:00

FFS woman, wake up and smell the coffee. Are you really that desperate for a man? My flaps have curled inwards just reading this. This surely can't be real.

Swipernoswipingg · 13/02/2024 23:03

Chlamydia?
Divorced twice with loads of relationships not lasting a year?
…leave. You have kids to think about.

we’ve all read your post and can clearly see he would make a terrible partner. Unfortunately, you can’t see this.

this shows that, you shouldn’t be in this relationship or any (for the time being).
Your desire to be in a relationship is causing you to not see major issues in a partner. Which makes you particularly vulnerable and by extension your children too.

Leave and work on yourself.

and don’t give him money, I beg.

Mumoftwo1312 · 13/02/2024 23:05

How do these men find women?

fuckssaaaaake · 13/02/2024 23:19

Crikey, my business is crashing right now. To be fair it's been a bit longer than 6 months but I hope my friends don't think I'm a loser/deadbeat like everyone on this thread thinks of him.

I agree the STI is bad but could be an unfortunate situation that he didn't know about but both didn't use protection!

livelovelough24 · 13/02/2024 23:52

Honestly, I am....speechless. How desperately do some people need to be in a relationship that they would literally take whomever is beyond me. Leave this man and do not look for another! Spend some time getting to know yourself. Good luck op.

Notalldogs23 · 13/02/2024 23:59

Maybe give up on dating for a while, you say you had 10 years of bad experiences with men who treated you poorly, and this man, who is treating you badly too.

You need to be able to be happy alone before you try to find a partner who you can share your happiness with. What you've been doing isn't working.

Mamaraisedadoughut · 14/02/2024 00:04

No, run.this hasn't happened suddenly.
He is unreliable.
He is a serial monogamist.
He is financially insolvent,
He is not coping mentally,
He is taking it out on you,
And he is irresponsible with his sexual health.

You need to get some dignity and not accept all of these red flags in you, or your children's lives.

Swipe left for the next trending thread