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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband's attitude since diagnosis

102 replies

Lidlisthebusiness · 12/02/2024 18:38

So a couple of weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital and diagnosed Type 1 diabetic. It's been a huge shock, and every day there is more and more information that I need to learn about and understand. It's overwhelming! I had to tell him via text what was going on, and I got some strange replies from him. It all went wrong when I mentioned something on a phone call and he's actually blaming me for having diabetes. He says I could've eaten better and done more fitness over the years and then this may not have happened. Despite me countering this with the fact there are high level athletes who are in tip top condition with type 1, and it's something you're born with, he's saying it's my fault and I've impacted him and our children horribly by having it. As if I chose this. He started shouting at me over the video call, shaking the phone in anger and ended up hanging up on me. We haven't spoken all day, and I really don't know where to go from here. I'm so disappointed and sad that this is his reaction. What about in sickness and in health? What if it was a different illness, a cancer I couldn't have prevented? I don't know what to do, and really don't need this on top of the diagnoses. I was hoping his initial reaction was caused by concern for me, or the worry that he isn't home, but it seems he's just angry with me for not going to the gym and eating better to prevent and unpreventable illness.

OP posts:
RedChester · 12/02/2024 18:41

Wow that’s awful, I’m so sorry OP.

I’d kick him out for this. One for being so thick as to think T1 was lifestyle related, and two for being so horrifically unsupportive.

Is he usually such a prick?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 12/02/2024 18:42

Well, he's obviously an idiot.
Can you talk to someone close to him to explain it to him? You shouldn't have to when you're already dealing with so much.

RandomForest · 12/02/2024 18:42

LTB

Overthebow · 12/02/2024 18:42

Does he understand that type 1 is different from type 2?

Maybeicanhelpyou · 12/02/2024 18:43

I’m guessing he hasn’t truly understood, and is reacting badly because of the unknown.
Hopefully you’ll be able to explain and he’ll come round. You will need some support, what is he normally like?

TraitorsGate · 12/02/2024 18:43

He sounds horrible, maybe you both need to go to the diabetic support group if your gp or diabetic team have one. He can ask questions there but he won't vent his anger, he will just blame you. Have you got leaflets or a video he can look through.

Polecat03 · 12/02/2024 18:44

leave him

amberedover1 · 12/02/2024 18:44

If this is totally out of character and a surprise then I'd say he's worried and afraid and dealing with it very badly.
But if he's generally not supportive I'd be having seriou serious conversations with him .

warmmfeet · 12/02/2024 18:47

Wow I'm so sorry that you have had this reaction to deal with on top of the curve ball you've already had to deal with getting the diagnosis and being admitted to hospital. You must feel terrible and you deserve support, love and empathy from him, not what you got.

Not knowing anything about your DH or your relationship I can only assume he's in some sort of emotional shock ??

Is there someone else who you can try and talk to him and get him to understand it more, like a mutual friend? I hope he comes to his senses and apologises profusely.

FearMe · 12/02/2024 18:47

He's just angry, upset and uneducated. He needs to Google t1 vs t2.
My husband did similar when our son was diagnosed. Thought it was diet related. He copped on very quickly after a quick Google search.

ticheldreams · 12/02/2024 18:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

dimllaishebiaith · 12/02/2024 18:48

Overthebow · 12/02/2024 18:42

Does he understand that type 1 is different from type 2?

Edited

The thing is even if it was type two the reality is that being a women can put you at higher risk for it, either by having it secondary to a female hormonal imbalance like PCOS, or because its more common in people with thyroid imbalances, which affect women more

It still wouldn't be fair to be yelling at her for not going to the gym and dieting better

So even if it turns out it's because he's confused/doesn't understand the two, his behaviour is still pretty unforgivable

Craftycorvid · 12/02/2024 18:48

Sorry to learn of your diagnosis - it must be a shock. So, your chap is confusing types one and two. In terms of anger, yelling and being abusive is not acceptable. The anger itself can be a reaction to a severe shock and distress. Some people react by getting angry. He may cool down - has he done anything like this before? Do you have support elsewhere?

Scarletttulips · 12/02/2024 18:50

Diabetic nurses are very good at educating the uneducated:

Wither he bucks up or he leaves.

PSEnny · 12/02/2024 18:52

Adult onset type 1 is rare but of course happens. He is being ridiculous. He needs to do some proper reading up to educate himself and apologise to you. Don’t accept anything less.

Has he been resentful towards you prior to this?

Andthereyougo · 12/02/2024 18:53

He needs to buck up pdq.Would you have done the same if it was him diagnosed?
Yes he might be shocked but bloody hell it’s not rocket science to Google Type 1 diabetes.
Hope he gets his act together. If he doesn't, bin him.

RollOnSpringDays · 12/02/2024 18:53

Nasty piece of work. Yes he’s clearly confused between type 1 and type 2 but he shouldn’t have jumped to so many conclusions and treated you like shit. I’d seriously be having this out with him, he’s shown you his true colours though so take note.

beetr00 · 12/02/2024 18:55

@Lidlisthebusiness Halle Berry has type 1 🌻

This is an excellent resource

www.diabetes.org.uk/

Concestor · 12/02/2024 18:55

I wouldn't care if he was confused/uneducated. He's shown you who he is and what he thinks of you. That would be it for me.

PleasePleaseTellMeNow · 12/02/2024 18:56

Often men are not good at dealing with the ill health of their partner. Many men see females as service humans and don't like it when their service human malfunctions. He sounds like one of those men.

Peanutsnanna · 12/02/2024 18:56

He is an uneducated twat. T1 is not lifestyle related. You will need a lot of love and support while you are learning how to manage this. I hope you get it. T1 diabetes is the hidden disability and is not understood by the majority of people. You have to live with it or with someone who has it to realise what a huge impact it has on your life. I wish you the very best. X

Earthworms · 12/02/2024 18:58

WTF. DH was recently diagnosed with something similarly life changing, that absolutely unquestionably was a result of lifestyle factors I’d been warning him about for years.

and i still managed not to get angry

your DH is being a nob. (And that’s being charitable)

Backinthedress · 12/02/2024 18:59

PleasePleaseTellMeNow · 12/02/2024 18:56

Often men are not good at dealing with the ill health of their partner. Many men see females as service humans and don't like it when their service human malfunctions. He sounds like one of those men.

Sadly this is probably the truth of it.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 12/02/2024 18:59

lol well that's awful obviously but he's also a massive fucking idiot. I assume you trued to explain and he was too stupid too listen?

Sparkletastic · 12/02/2024 19:02

Is he always this hard of thinking?

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