Page 7 | Grandparents and childcare

springlikeish · 2024-02-12T08:46:36+00:00

Everyone around me has loads of help with childcare and it makes me wonder if my parents are unusual. My friends get childcare for free and regular sleepovers. My parents haven't taken ours overnight ever and I had to leave my job as we couldn't afford childcare. They say they've done their bit and now it's time for them to do what they want. It's become the norm for grandparents to attend parent and toddler sessions due to the rising cost of childcare.

Iwasafool · 15/02/2024 13:06

fluffiphlox · 14/02/2024 13:41

@LameBorzoi I am of grandparental age but don’t have children. I see my contemporaries run ragged by their own sons’ and daughters’ expectations of them, some travelling hundreds of miles a week to provide childcare, often to multiple grandchildren. It’s the expectation, entitlement and lack of recompense for even just the fuel that I find quite shocking. Of course they like to see the children and be part of their lives - but it’s often to the detriment of their own social lives, holidays etc. (I speak as someone who spent a lot of time with her grandparents but they were local).

I prefer time with my GC to a social life and I even take holidays with them.

Lovetosleep1 · 15/02/2024 13:09

My mum has always helped massively with childcare and my Nan did the same for her when we were children.
As a single parent I couldn't have continued with my career without her help. My children are older now so I don't need childcare but I know I will do the same when I have grandkids. I want to have the same close relationship I had with my Nan and my children have with my mum.
I know it's personal choice but I find it strange when grandparents don't want to be a part of their grandchildrens lives.

whatsagirltodoo · 15/02/2024 13:10

It really depends - if the grandparents are older and the kids are young and need constant attention, I would never expect my parents to run around after them while I'm off doing other stuff.

I do think we need to take responsibility for having kids though, so ultimately we're the ones who have to deal with the bulk of childcare. It was our decision to have the kids, so we're the ones who have to pay the price... so to speak.

Scrumbleton · 15/02/2024 13:12

'' I'll be the fun GP. Days out. Play. Happily babysit in an emergency or odd night out. However, I won’t commit to regular childcare because if I’m honest I don’t want to. I want to travel regularly. Go to the gym. Go on retreats.

My son knows this as I’ve told him. He’s only 18! Don’t want any confusion or expectations of me later down the line. I would offer some financial assistance for childcare if he was struggling.''

Scrumbleton · 15/02/2024 13:16

'' I'll be the fun GP. Days out. Play. Happily babysit in an emergency or odd night out. However, I won’t commit to regular childcare because if I’m honest I don’t want to. I want to travel regularly. Go to the gym. Go on retreats.

My son knows this as I’ve told him. He’s only 18! Don’t want any confusion or expectations of me later down the line. I would offer some financial assistance for childcare if he was struggling.''

Sorry pressed send too soon - i'm the same - told DD years ago I'd gladly help with hols, overnight stays to give them a break, childcare emergencies but I'm not going on a weekly rita's. DD is expecting now and doesn't have any major expectations.

i live a short plane ride away and am retired - I'm happy to go over every 6 weeks or so to help for a bit or cover emergencies

reflecting2023 · 15/02/2024 13:38

whatsagirltodoo · 15/02/2024 13:10

It really depends - if the grandparents are older and the kids are young and need constant attention, I would never expect my parents to run around after them while I'm off doing other stuff.

I do think we need to take responsibility for having kids though, so ultimately we're the ones who have to deal with the bulk of childcare. It was our decision to have the kids, so we're the ones who have to pay the price... so to speak.

Actually parents gave responsibility for ALL the childcare.

reflecting2023 · 15/02/2024 13:40

Lovetosleep1 · 15/02/2024 13:09

My mum has always helped massively with childcare and my Nan did the same for her when we were children.
As a single parent I couldn't have continued with my career without her help. My children are older now so I don't need childcare but I know I will do the same when I have grandkids. I want to have the same close relationship I had with my Nan and my children have with my mum.
I know it's personal choice but I find it strange when grandparents don't want to be a part of their grandchildrens lives.

So did your mum not work it was she retired? Taking your children for you to work - wise I mean.

LovelyTheresa · 15/02/2024 16:01

Dotty87 · 15/02/2024 13:04

@LovelyTheresa I only mention bare minimum as you had, I doubt many parents actually cut their children off at 18. Again though, there's a big difference between being involved in family life and providing regular free childcare.

Oh, I agree, there is totally a sliding scale, and some kids are monstously entitled (like the woman yesterday who wanted to tell her MIL that she couldn't attend a funeral!) However, I actually have known of two people whose parents were not very kind to them growing up, and provided the barest they could get away with, and yet still expected gold star care in their retirement. In both cases, I am happy to say that the parents were told where to go.

Dotty87 · 15/02/2024 17:17

@LovelyTheresa There are always exceptions to "the norm", that's absolutely true. I suppose some GP may be concerned about having to let their DC down if they're the childcare provider, though if I were on the receiving end of that level of entitlement the arrangement would be quickly ended.

Mary46 · 15/02/2024 18:41

Yes its a big commitment. My friend retirement was taken up by it. They do one day now. I def think you need to be clear what you will do/not do. I def wouldnt do full T but would help a little.

Lovetosleep1 · 15/02/2024 18:55

@reflecting2023 she worked when my eldest were young so we used nursery then and she would help when she could. She had a good career and retired early so was able to have my youngest when I returned to work after maternity leave. She was fit and healthy but I realise that not all grandparents are. I was also very lucky that she loved doing it. I'm a teacher so she did get school holidays off.

LameBorzoi · 15/02/2024 20:45

@reflecting2023 Looking after your grandson every weekend adds up to a lot of childcare, however.

Fartooold · 15/02/2024 20:53

As a gran, I had my grandchild from 2 weeks old at least 1 or 2 days per week until they started school.
I then collected from school every Friday and had them until Saturday afternoon, as well as covering 2 or 3 days every school holiday.

At nine years old, I now have them once a fortnight overnight, the other weekend, they spend a full day with me. I take them on holiday with me and they always say they have two homes, which is lovely.

BUT, I HAVE ONE GRANDCHILD TO CARE FOR.
Honestly, I'm on my knees when they go home sometimes, there is no way on God's Earth I could have regularly looked after twins, and tbh, I'm secretly glad there is only ever going to be one grandchild for me to care for!
There is a reason women stop having the ability to birth children after a certain age you know....... it's bloody knackering🤣

HappyFitnessQueen · 06/03/2024 09:37

This is such a horrible response from your parents. I can't believe they will only do things with you or your brother if your kids, their grandkids, are not involved. Don't you think this goes a bit far? Do you feel offended on behalf of your kids at all? Wow, amazing parents or not...I can't believe this attitude.