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Original poster

Is he a **** or am I being soft?!

94 replies

Boymum93 · 10/02/2024 13:29

Hi guys - just after some advice -

Recently introduced my partner to my kids after being together for over 2 years. However he has recently been critiquing my parenting - he has children of his own and we recently got together with all the kids. One of mine is a little hyper - nothing unusual of a typical little boy. His words have really cut deep as I have been single parenting for a long time and it isn’t easy. He pretty much said my kids must be the way they are as they come from a single parent household (he shares custody of his kids whereas I have my children 100% of the time). He openly admitted to judging my parenting style and said my childrens behaviour upsets him. They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc. It’s really affecting me to the point of wanting to leave him - AIBU? We have a great relationship but this has really made me upset. Not sure what to do? Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
SleepDeprivationIsAFormOfTorture · 10/02/2024 13:31

I would leave anyone who criticised my kids, or my parenting. The cheek of him!

CharmedCult · 10/02/2024 13:31

This relationship isn’t going to work out going forward, unless you plan to keep it as dating only, and not mixing families or living together.

Terrribletwos · 10/02/2024 13:31

He said that they are the way they are cos you are a single parent. Leave him.

Original poster
Boymum93 · 10/02/2024 13:32

SleepDeprivationIsAFormOfTorture · 10/02/2024 13:31

I would leave anyone who criticised my kids, or my parenting. The cheek of him!

I know?! I have been going round in circles thinking about it but I still can’t believe he would go there. Gutted.

OP posts:
PutMyFootIn · 10/02/2024 13:33

Men come and go

Kids are forever.

Date him by all means. Keep the kids separate.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 10/02/2024 13:33

I think you both realised it can’t work blended. So,you need to decide are you ok just dating, or do,you need a future.

i don’t take issue with the comment as much as others, for me, thinking it or saying it , it makes no difference, he was still thinking it.

PossumintheHouse · 10/02/2024 13:33

Snobby dickhead. And narrow-minded. See ya!

Wolfiefan · 10/02/2024 13:34

The idea that your kids are a certain way as you’re a single parent is a complete crock. But I wouldn’t say a child is a certain way because they’re a boy. And mine never ran round calling each other poo heads. I would stop that.
Sounds like you’re not compatible.

LittleGreenDragons · 10/02/2024 13:37

They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc
But that's not normal though. How do you handle this when they start, and do they do it to others too? Are they preschoolers or at Juniors? is it inside the home only or in the pub/attraction?

I do agree with others though, your parenting styles sound incompatible.

Namerequired · 10/02/2024 13:39

He’s one of these men that think less of single parents and probably women’s capabilities too. Run a mile.

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 10/02/2024 13:39

LittleGreenDragons · 10/02/2024 13:37

They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc
But that's not normal though. How do you handle this when they start, and do they do it to others too? Are they preschoolers or at Juniors? is it inside the home only or in the pub/attraction?

I do agree with others though, your parenting styles sound incompatible.

Edited

It's completely normal

LittleGreenDragons · 10/02/2024 13:39

Not for me, or any of their school friends...

Original poster
Boymum93 · 10/02/2024 13:40

LittleGreenDragons · 10/02/2024 13:37

They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc
But that's not normal though. How do you handle this when they start, and do they do it to others too? Are they preschoolers or at Juniors? is it inside the home only or in the pub/attraction?

I do agree with others though, your parenting styles sound incompatible.

Edited

I mean it’s not a constant poo head shouting match every day but I think it’s fairly ‘normal’ at times for kids to find toilet talk hilarious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boymum93 · 10/02/2024 13:41

PossumintheHouse · 10/02/2024 13:33

Snobby dickhead. And narrow-minded. See ya!

This seems to be the general consensus and my main thought. Just disappointing.

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 10/02/2024 13:43

I think what it really comes down to is that he doesn't respect you as a parent, and that's such a big part of your life, it's doubtful he respects you as a woman/partner.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/02/2024 13:44

Your relationship to this man of a mere two years in should be at an end. He’s openly questioned your style of parenting and that your kids behaviour upset him. He’s been on his best behaviour but now the mask has slipped revealing this nasty truth underneath.

You did not know him as well as you thought you did. I would be on your own and not date at all further until your boundaries have been further strengthened.

Riverlee · 10/02/2024 13:44

“He pretty much said my kids must be the way they are as they come from a single parent household “.

That’s pretty judgemental, and pretty nasty.

All kids can play up and be hyper at times.

Redruby2020 · 10/02/2024 13:48

Mmm he doesn't have sole care of his kids though does it, so he's not got a clue what it's like.

Hadjab · 10/02/2024 13:49

LittleGreenDragons · 10/02/2024 13:39

Not for me, or any of their school friends...

Kids have been calling each other poo poo head since the dawn of time.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 10/02/2024 13:53

Op can I ask gently where were you when this occurred, the running round etc, and how did you deal with it?

friendswiththemonstera · 10/02/2024 14:32

Sounds like he looks down on you OP. Is he generally respectful to you?

Jennyjojo5 · 10/02/2024 14:56

Rolling my eyes at the parents whose kids never called another kid a toilet name 🤣🤣

pretty much every kid goes through a phase where the words poo wee Willy bum etc are the funniest words of all time to them. Completely and totally normal! Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not x

Thehamsterthatcametotea · 10/02/2024 14:58

Yeah, he’s a cunt.

Resilience · 10/02/2024 15:24

Dump him and run. Even if your parenting was rubbish (not saying it is btw) the fact he made it about you being a single parent means he's a dick. He will probably think you should be grateful to him for 'taking you on' if you moved in together and that kind of sexism can easily escalate into abuse.

Whoopaday · 10/02/2024 15:30

Even if you parenting is rubbish and your kids are naughty, that’s the set ups and style you’re happy with and it’s different to his and sadly you are not compatible for any reason. But your parenting is probably fine which makes it even worse and having any feeling it shouldn’t work for any reason is enough to end things with him. He shouldn’t have ever said that it is harsh and sadly you will never work blended. Well done for taking your time in introducing him.

oh and we’re adults you can say arsehole and any other swear word you want without the stars.

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