Is he a **** or am I being soft?!

[Boymum93]

Hi guys - just after some advice -

Recently introduced my partner to my kids after being together for over 2 years. However he has recently been critiquing my parenting - he has children of his own and we recently got together with all the kids. One of mine is a little hyper - nothing unusual of a typical little boy. His words have really cut deep as I have been single parenting for a long time and it isn’t easy. He pretty much said my kids must be the way they are as they come from a single parent household (he shares custody of his kids whereas I have my children 100% of the time). He openly admitted to judging my parenting style and said my childrens behaviour upsets him. They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc. It’s really affecting me to the point of wanting to leave him - AIBU? We have a great relationship but this has really made me upset. Not sure what to do? Any advice appreciated.

I bet he blames his ex for anything that the children do wrong.

Leave him, who the hell does he think he is.

How old are your kids? Are there concerns about their behaviour at nursery/school? If not, tell him to do one.

You'll never be happy with him now he's said this.
He can't take it back. That's what he thinks.

HA!! I couldn’t believe that’s what some people were taking from the post 😂 I had to laugh but it is mumsnet after all! Thanks for highlighting this!!xx

Funnily enough you are totally right.

How old are your kids?

Interesting how he defines "single parenting" by percent custody time of single parents - which he is one, too.

He is both single and a parent. He is trying to twist things so he is not lumped into the "loser single parent" category he created in his head probably a long time ago - and a group he is now a member of.

I’ve ditched partners who have had unruly kids. It just wouldn’t work with the differences in parenting styles.

I presume you want to take the relationship forward, move in, possibly get married. It would be hideous to live with someone who constantly criticises your parenting, and would he then start to critique your children?

He's entitled to an opinion, but he voices it if asked, but otherwise I'd expect him to keep his mouth shut.

This is why I advise to introduce kids at the 6months mark so u can see how they behave. Then dumped so you wouldn’t have wasted 2 years.

I can’t believe the posters saying that’s not normal, christ even I would probably call my husband a bumhole or poohead. Big smacks for me eh?

Toilet humour is absolutely normal and not harmful. He sounds awful and absolutely no fun. How will you relax as a family in front of him? Why should your kids suffer having someone who’s so uptight around? Get rid, it’s not fair on your children.

Are his children girls, by any chance?

Ooh, big red flag right there

Time to ditch him. Not sure things will ever change and you will end up resenting him.

Precisely why my dh met mine early on. 2 years of your life wasted op. Ltb. It won't get better x

He's a nasty, judgemental little snob who thinks he is better than you. Already critiquing you and your children unasked, he won't hold back on his contempt for your kids once he gets his feet under the table because he doesn't need them for anything. Don't put them through that. He also seems to think he is perfect, hence all the blame for his kid's bad behaviour being laid at his ex's feet. Dump him and find someone who isn't a two-faced twat.

When I first became a single parent I went out on a date with someone who knew my "situation" long story short ex turned to drugs and alcohol after we split and married a druggie he was there boldly bragging how he would "force" my ex to have my daughter 50/50 so he would hand over my vulnerable child (still in nappies and had medical issues) to people who couldn't function without drugs....we arnt even friends anymore

You don't sound compatible as far as parenting goes. You are happy for your kids to be on the boisterous side and his aren't.
You both have families so seeing each other without contact with each others kids seems unworkable.
I think you have to accept the inevitable

@LittleGreenDragons of course it's normal! Do yours sit prettily and sew samplers?
Do your children not run around?
Do they never say anything silly?

Some kids are higher energy than others, OP's sound like perfectly nice children just based on what she's said.

Easy, continue to date him but don't let him see your DC again, or wait until the youngest is 18.

Is this the first time he ever made a comment judging your abilities about stuff in general? I would expect it is part of his crappy personality but perhaps you brushed them off before because those comments didn't cut as deep as this one? But look back on the last 2 years maybe now you recognise it if snidy comments about stuff you do or don't do have been said before?
I think it shows his disrespect and contempt and lack of empathy and I think it will get worse.

It's not going to work. He'll chip away at you and he'll start on the kids because he thinks his way is best.

Go back to dating without kids involved. It'll probably fizzle out.

You have different parenting styles. You can't parent together sorry.

Mine used to call each other poo poo brain and stinky winky head!!
One’s a doctor, the other a pharmacist, one studying to be an accountant, the youngest still doesn’t know!! But the point being, your parenting is fine, your children will be fine. Mine still call each other these names sometimes and definitely still find toilet humour funny, especially when they’re together.
If he doesn’t fit in with your kids@Boymum93 that’s something you need to think about.