Is he a **** or am I being soft?!

[Boymum93]

Hi guys - just after some advice -

Recently introduced my partner to my kids after being together for over 2 years. However he has recently been critiquing my parenting - he has children of his own and we recently got together with all the kids. One of mine is a little hyper - nothing unusual of a typical little boy. His words have really cut deep as I have been single parenting for a long time and it isn’t easy. He pretty much said my kids must be the way they are as they come from a single parent household (he shares custody of his kids whereas I have my children 100% of the time). He openly admitted to judging my parenting style and said my childrens behaviour upsets him. They aren’t angels but they aren’t that bad! Nothing short of children running around and calling each-other poo heads etc. It’s really affecting me to the point of wanting to leave him - AIBU? We have a great relationship but this has really made me upset. Not sure what to do? Any advice appreciated.

Well now you know why his wife divorced him… totally incapable of empathizing, zero respect for you (and probably women in general).
🚩🚩
Being a single parent is very hard, but it’s even harder having a partner who criticises your parenting and your kids, drags you down and expects everything to be done HIS way.
Dump and move on.

I’ve spent the past few days thinking this and I think what makes it even more of a shocker is that he’s always said how much of a great mum he thinks I am and how I’m amazing to do it so effortlessly on my own - but for some reason recently it’s gone the other way and he has made quite a few harsh comments that I just cannot brush off or forgive. He’s generally a nice bloke 🤷🏻‍♀️ Really gutted x

Yeah - that’s what we both wanted. I don’t think I can brush this off it feels very personal and unforgivable.

is he really ‘great’ if he has a low opinion on a whole group of people (single mums)? Sounds a bit judgy to me

I’d consider myself incompatible with anyone who criticised my parenting as I have chosen my way and wouldn’t change it. I also wouldn’t want to be with anyone who was critical of my DC and the behaviour I deem acceptable.

I completely agree with you - very hard pill to swallow as it’s been great for so long but this just can’t run.

My guess is he's a Disney dad and thinks he's wonderful.
Sounds like a nob to me.

So he looks down on you for being a single mother, criticises your parenting when he's barely even seen it and appears irritated by normal child behaviour.

Yeah I'd be gone. You'd not see me in the rear view window for dust. He's a wanker. And he's dropping his guard now and letting it show as he thinks you're hooked.

Also worth noticing that emotional abuse often starts this way. The thing they were most complimentary about becomes the thing they are most critical of. Eg, they loved your figure but suddenly out of the blue they hint you've put on weight. Knocking you off balance and making you question yourself. Because if they, your greatest champion in that area, are finding issues, maybe there is something you need to address. And that wad their plan all along.

Also normal for totally out of the ordinary harsh comments that come out of the blue. Leaving you wondering if you've misheard or 'misunderstood' because it seems do contrary to how they have acted until now.

Thats where it starts.

He absolutely said what he said. And he absolutely meant it. So don't be conned into thinking you're the problem somehow.

Get rid.

How awful.
I could not move past this. Even if he thought it, I can’t believe the nerve to actually say it to you. That is not what a ‘nice guy’ does. Also, he this is what he is saying after only being reintroduced to your kids, imagine what’s next! This is a huge red flag and I would finishing this relationship asap, if not for you, at least for the sake of your kids.

Keep him away from your children. He's not good enough for them.

@Pinkbonbon has absolutely hit the nail on the head.

In the 11 years dh has known me and my dc he has never said a negative comment about my parenting. As he took on the role of df he joins in with my exasperated comments on the dc's behaviour but never negative about them personally.. We share 1 dc. So absolutely believe he agrees with my 'methods'.... Ditch the dodo op.

Mate, I think he has sewn up his own bumhole. Dump and move on to a happier life with your lovely kids.

This made me laugh out loud 😂😂😂😂
thanks!x

Thanks to everyone for all your brilliant advice (bar the comments about questioning my kids poo head remarks)

I’ve told him it’s over and will now be focusing on healing and being happy with me and my very normally behaved kiddos.

goodnight x

If it makes you feel any better my DSD often wants to play with her toys with me and has them imaginary farting and pooing all over each other's faces. There's only so long I can keep up my side of the imaginary toy interaction, but it has literally never occurred to me to ever lecture my DP on his parenting style because of this poo on face fascination. It has nothing to do with his parenting and is just normal!

@Boymum93
Wishing you all the best moving forwards, with your lovely lively cheeky kids.

Congratulations OP 👏🏻 - you are free!! Enjoy!
(and don’t believe a word of his wheedling, ‘I didn’t mean it that way’, gaslighting BS - if he tries that!)

Yeah we can all hear it now, 'I didn't mean it like that! You misunderstood me. I never even said that. I can't believe you're throwing 'us' away based on one little comment! Waaaaaah'.

Nowt new about kids and poo.
Flanders and Swann made a record in, I think, the 1950's called.
Pee Poo Belly Bum Drawers, about kids being kids.
Sheer bloomin anarchy. 😁
My DS and his cousin are still teasing each other, with poo head etc. and they're now in their 40's.
Glad you told mardy arse to do one and hope your kids keep on being kids.

Hilarious that people think their kids don't find toilet humour funny. They're obviously just doing it where you can't hear them!

Poo head, fart breath, fat bum, stinky bum are pretty much terms of endearment in our house. It’s perfectly normal!!

Well done on getting rid. The single parent comment would have had him ditched immediately for me.

Yup, throw this one back.

Fwiw my dh (who was a deputy head teacher at the time) and my dc when they were little used to regularly have sessions taking it in turns shouting 'Smelly poo bum head!' through a toy voice-changer microphone at each other and all falling about in hysterics. They are very good, well-behaved kids. Some people just have no sense of fun and humour. I pity them tbh.

It doesn't matter what your children did or didnt do. It's a test to see where he comes in your priorities or he wants to swoop in and save you all. Git, he wasted 2 years of your life on him.