Yes or no to partner going to a strip club

[shatteredL]

Just curious really as me and my partner discussed it earlier out of the blue (we're not engaged and don't plan to be🤣)

Would you be okay with your partner going to a strip club and having a lap dance on their stag do, if they were honest about it and didn't try to conceal etc?

Exactly this!

I wouldn't, and it's not about jealousy at all for me (I don't want to go into detail on line but have had varied experiences in the past, when everyone was participating as consenting adult, there through choice for their own enjoyment.)

I absolutely would not participate in the sex industry in any way, including the consumption of porn, due to the high risk of the women involved being trafficked/coerced. Nor would I have an intimate relationship with anyone for whom this was not important.

OP, you seem to keep ignoring all the posters who refer to the ethical nature of the sex industry. The important issue here isn't whether your husband-to-be is getting a hard on due to another woman - in the overall scheme of things that is a total none issue set aside the gravity of the issue at stake.

Every time you go to a strip club, you may well be witnessing and paying for the sexual exploitation and enslavement of another human being.

Did that not matter to you in Prague? Does it not matter now? Please can you answer this?

Nonsense. Ethical issues aside, there are plenty of men who wouldn't part with the cash. There are plenty of others who would be put off by the thought of a woman seeing them as sad and creepy. A few decades ago, when it was fashionable to view sex work as 'empowering' to women, and feminism took a weird turn, with some women believing it meant being one of the lads, and being so 'liberated' they LOVED strip clubs, it carried far less stigma, and men were more open with their views, and plenty with no reason to lie would say it wasn't for them.

Yeah, child abuse, hilarious topic, ha ha ha!

It's not my own MAIN reason for objecting to the sex industry (as explained above(, but she's right that anything that encourages the commodification of women could encourage abuse as a hate crime, against children as well as women? Why is that funny or "hand wringing". It's a valid ethical and political point.

No. I would lose respect for my partner if they went to a strip club.

But women grabbing strippers cocks somehow DON'T become perverts and child molesters? It's just men.

Never hear of Ladies night's anymore.

The majority of child sexual abusers are men, yes. Obviously some women sexually abuse minors but it's a lot less frequent than men doing so. What is your point?

In addition to this, it contributes to the idea that it's a woman's purpose in life to be sexually titillating entertainment for men. Rather than an equal human being.

My exh and I were friends as teenagers with no hint of ever getting together on the cards. So no reason to lie or play it down to me. He went to one with some friends out of curiosity and left because it made him feel really uncomfortable because the women were so young and human beings who weren't being regarded as such. He was 18 at the time. He said it was sleazy and gross and that, whilst the women might not have allowed then to touch, the men certainly wanted to and weren't seeing it as a bit of fun or a laugh or dull or not at all sexually arousing.

We way past stag/ hen do stage, but, If DW wanted to go and watch strippers, I wouldn’t be that bothered, not like she hasn’t seen male bits before

Not sure why you think the women who object are the hand wringers/pearl clutchers/other insult designed to make them seem uncool and deserving of ridicule. Being cool about men going to strip clubs is by far the more conservative stance; as at its heart it has the thinking that men will be men, and women should really just keep quiet about it, which is a very outdated view to hold in 2024.

To prevent further misunderstandings, deliberate or otherwise, the thing I thought hilarious is the ridiculous suggestion that men who visit strip clubs are perverts and child molesters.

Come on, that way of thinking was getting old in 1824, never mind 2024.

Well if that's your point, you could have made it by demonstrating there is no link between watching strippers and child abuse. Instead you chose to laugh at the poster as a 'hand wringer', which like pearl clutcher is a label designed to portray a woman as a certain 'type' that the cool people scoff at. The attitude is all over every thread about men doing things women object to, with a cohort trying to shame women into putting up with it on pain of being called repressed, pious, old fashioned, uncool etc.

Do you think there are as many damaged and desperate men in the sex industry as there are women?

Nope

Because neither are right (imo)

Then he isn't respectful.

Certainly not to the woman in question

Of course people are judgy

Did you bother to find out how many women were there of their own volition or because they were forced to?

Did the thought even cross your mind?

It's up to the person making the claim to provide the links. Are you aware of any? And no, I know you didn't make the original claim but you appear to support the assertion.

You are mistaken if you believe there is a new, pro-strip-club movement - if anything it's quite old fashioned to think strip clubs are ok, as most of us these days are aware of the human rights abuses the sex industry is rife with, whereas in the past I accept there was less information about this available to people.

Are all men who visit strip clubs also child molesters? No. But a lot of child molesters I expect also visit strip clubs.

What the two groups have in common (child molesters and men who visit strip clubs) is at best a lack of concern as to whether the other person performing sexual acts on/in front of them is in a position to give consent to those acts, at worst the lack of consent gives them additional pleasure.

"God some people are so judgy! If it's not for you, that's fair enough."

Yep, I'm judging you. Fucking right I am

I support the right of women to object to certain aspects of male behaviour, and have their points considered on their merit, and for them not be ridiculed as a stereotype by those supporting the male point of view. Holding that as a principle is not the same as agreeing with every point made.

I have friends who were strippers and they said groups of English men were the worst customers and the strippers dreaded them coming in.

She said English men were far more likely to be degrading and treat them like they were a piece of shit and dehumanise them compared to other nationalities who would behave more complimentary and nicer in a lot of ways.

So they're often not just taking the piss out of the stag, they're taking the piss out of the women too.

The link is logically obvious surely. Both child abusers and strip club attendees derive sexual gratification from forms of sexual abuse. For the child abusers their victims are children and for the strip club it's (usually) adults (tho some of the strippers may be underage too - how would they know?) who are frequently trafficked or otherwise coerced.

The strip club attendees may choose to ignore the reality of the sex industry and those who work in it, but in this day and age information is readily available so that kind of ignorance is a deliberate choice. Just as some paedophiles decide to convince themselves that children can consent to sex, enjoy it, etc etc.

Both groups are lying to themselves deliberately if they tell themselves their actions are fine.

So yes, I would say paedophiles and people who attend strip clubs, while not identical, have quite a lot in common, and I can see why the poster who originally pointed out the connection thought it was obvious and she didn't need to spell it out.

Very probably yes