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Original poster

Yes or no to partner going to a strip club

124 replies

shatteredL · 03/02/2024 18:16

Just curious really as me and my partner discussed it earlier out of the blue (we're not engaged and don't plan to be🤣)

Would you be okay with your partner going to a strip club and having a lap dance on their stag do, if they were honest about it and didn't try to conceal etc?

OP posts:
chocolaterevs · 03/02/2024 19:08

Think about it like this - how will you feel when you've got young kids, exhausted, never get a minute to yourself, working all hours to contribute to nursery fees, food, housing. You don't have as much time to look after yourself and life is full on. Your 'DH' at that point pays for a private lap dance on his pal's stag do or on a random night out in the city...

The men who are happy to do it on their own stag do are happy to do it again and again. It doesn't just stop at the stag do. Why would it? Put yourself in the shoes of the woman I described above. How is that not going to affect the respect she has for her 'DH'? How is that not going to breed resentment and significantly affect the marriage? But at this point in her life it's almost impossible to leave. She can't afford to go it alone and doesn't want to be a single parent. It's a life of fucking misery.

I will be advising my daughters to marry the men who wouldn't step foot inside a strip club (they do exist).

itsmyp4rty · 03/02/2024 19:10

I just think it's so grim having someone gyrating over you who is only there because you're paying them to be. I just don't really understand why anyone would want that. It's just kind of humiliating and icky.

Deadringer · 03/02/2024 19:12

It would give me the ick.

WinkyTinky · 03/02/2024 19:17

Agree with you @itsmyp4rty I've always thought that if I was going to be looking at strippers, male or female, with the possibility of being sexually aroused, I would NOT want to be doing this amongst a large group of other people!!! Christ! I can't think of anything worse! As for a private lap dance, no, I would not be able to feel the same about a partner if he wanted to do that. It's all about getting turned on, and if someone else is turning my partner on, I would never feel the same about them again. I'm not 'against' lap dancing or stripping if the woman (or man) doing it is fully ok with it and being paid well, but I would not be attracted to a man who goes to these things.

DanceForAMomentOrTwo · 03/02/2024 19:17

Nope. Funnily enough men that are ok with exploiting, objectifying and purchasing women don’t do it for me.

Original poster
shatteredL · 03/02/2024 19:21

WinkyTinky · 03/02/2024 19:17

Agree with you @itsmyp4rty I've always thought that if I was going to be looking at strippers, male or female, with the possibility of being sexually aroused, I would NOT want to be doing this amongst a large group of other people!!! Christ! I can't think of anything worse! As for a private lap dance, no, I would not be able to feel the same about a partner if he wanted to do that. It's all about getting turned on, and if someone else is turning my partner on, I would never feel the same about them again. I'm not 'against' lap dancing or stripping if the woman (or man) doing it is fully ok with it and being paid well, but I would not be attracted to a man who goes to these things.

I agree with this! It's the thought of them being turned up by someone else that would make me feel differently about them and feel betrayed

OP posts:
bossybloss · 03/02/2024 19:22

sprigatito · 03/02/2024 18:19

I wouldn't be marrying someone who was comfortable with commodifying women's bodies in the first place. Gross.

This!

HateItWhenABitchLetsHimselfSlide · 03/02/2024 19:23

LauraNorda · 03/02/2024 18:18

You don't own him. Plenty of women go to strip shows, why not men?

Oh, I wouldn't try to stop him in the slightest. I just wouldn't marry him. 🤷‍♀️

UtterlyButterly2048 · 03/02/2024 19:23

Do I consider it cheating? No. I know a fair few dancers. They have no interest in the “clients” other than their wallet. This is absolutely not anything reciprocal. And they were definitely not being exploited. They make good money, which fits in with kids/tuition/life and the men involved are just viewed as a joke.
I see it as grim, seedy and frankly? Rather pathetic. A one off on a pissed up stag do wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. But if he went regularly (as in, more than once or twice in his life) honestly, I’d clamp shut and he’d have to go.
I did once ask my DH if he would be ok with ME being sat on a chair with some buff bloke wanged his cock around my face in a private room, whilst I found it a turn on?
He had honestly never thought about that (probably because that isn’t actually available for women) but he didn’t like it. Funny that!!!!
,

Waitingfordoggo · 03/02/2024 19:28

For me it’s nothing to do with the thought of my DH being turned on by another woman- that doesn’t bother me. I expect he’s had his head turned lots of times by other women during our long relationship. I expect he’s experienced plenty of sexual attraction and urges towards other women. It’s completely normal and ok for him to fancy someone or think about what it would be like to shag them. (Provided of course these are just thoughts that stay inside his head).

For me, a visit to a strip club or lap dancing venue would be a dealbreaker because if he was prepared to pay money to objectify women, it would mean he is not the man I thought he was.

K8ate · 03/02/2024 19:32

It’s a fair question which applies equally both ways.
Would he be ok with you going to watch naked male strippers if you were on a hen do?

Original poster
shatteredL · 03/02/2024 19:33

K8ate · 03/02/2024 19:32

It’s a fair question which applies equally both ways.
Would he be ok with you going to watch naked male strippers if you were on a hen do?

Yeah if it was for a hen do or my hen do I think he would

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 03/02/2024 19:35

But he wouldnt be ok with you working as a stripper/lap dancer

Original poster
shatteredL · 03/02/2024 19:36

JenniferBooth · 03/02/2024 19:35

But he wouldnt be ok with you working as a stripper/lap dancer

I don't think he would be too pleased but I wouldn't ever want to so we've never had a proper discussion about it. I have no ill feeling towards any who is/was a stripper, sex worker or anything along those lines but not something I would ever consider personally ☺️

OP posts:
StopTheQtipWhenTheresResistance · 03/02/2024 19:39

Nope. They would no longer be my partner if they did this.

wellhello24 · 03/02/2024 19:45

I can’t believe it’s 2024 and these disgusting establishments still exist. Sexist, exploitative, degrading and incredibly seedy.

Fairymother · 03/02/2024 19:57

I wouldnt love it, but i dont make a huge fuss over it if its rarely on stags.

Original poster
shatteredL · 03/02/2024 20:05

Fairymother · 03/02/2024 19:57

I wouldnt love it, but i dont make a huge fuss over it if its rarely on stags.

I think that's fair - my partner is very respectful which is nice so I don't think he would go unless it was for a stag do or something

OP posts:
tashac89 · 03/02/2024 20:13

I feel a bit weird about this because I strongly dislike 'strip' clubs. The whole lapdancing, shoving money in a g string type situation. But on the other hand, I've been to a fair few burlesque shows and an event I go to every few years puts on a pole dancing show. An actual routine show. The talent there is amazing to see and I have no issue with my husband going to those.

SamW98 · 03/02/2024 20:15

itsmyp4rty · 03/02/2024 19:10

I just think it's so grim having someone gyrating over you who is only there because you're paying them to be. I just don't really understand why anyone would want that. It's just kind of humiliating and icky.

Absolutely this. I worked in The City in the 90’s and the initiation for all new junior traders was to be taken to Browns and pay the a stripper to perform the ‘kipper tie’ then put it back on their neck and they had to come back to office wearing it. Absolutely gross 🤢 It doesn’t make it right AT ALL but it was different times. Shocking it’s still going on 30 odd years later

Any man who pays for this sort of thing isn’t someone I want to be in a relationship with

Waitingfordoggo · 03/02/2024 20:21

@SamW98 I’ll regret asking, but what happens to the tie? Gets rubbed on the performer’s fanny, I suppose? 🤷

SamW98 · 03/02/2024 20:25

Waitingfordoggo · 03/02/2024 20:21

@SamW98 I’ll regret asking, but what happens to the tie? Gets rubbed on the performer’s fanny, I suppose? 🤷

Actually inserted in there as well🤢

Guavafish1 · 03/02/2024 20:27

Not for me

These men are probably perverts that could molest children

Waitingfordoggo · 03/02/2024 20:28

Urgh @SamW98. Thank you for answering. I was right that I shouldn’t have asked 😂

Spain1986 · 03/02/2024 20:30

He will do it behind your back anyway. At least he is being honest and upfront with you.

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